#i almost had a panic attack on the bus today and they were the only thing that stopped me

[huellitaa]

that one artist who's been with you through everything >>>>>

[coquettepascal]

frosted kisses

pt. ii to texas sweet

summary: after some serious distance, a nightmarish evening at the miller household leaves you and joel closer than before.

tags: 18+, smut, unprotected piv, fingering, pulling out, missionary, almost oral, joel is a consent king, gentle!joel, soft!joel, proud dad joel returns, tommy is here, so are sarah and ellie, don't ask how old they are i really can't tell you, tension, sexual tension, kind of angst(?), realistic sex, reader is in a panic as usual, but joel is really sweet, kissing, neck kisses, biting, scratching, mention of joel's dad gut (yum), joel in a wifepleaser, use of darlin' and baby and honey, one use of good girl, praise kink (a little), takes place during july (texas sweet was in june)

a/n: thank you to my biggest cheerleaders @mochamadeleines and @pascalssbabyy <3 also thank you to everyone for being so patient for this sequel. i hope you all enjoy !! :]

texas sweet masterlist and my masterlist

wc: 7.6k (sorry :3)

It is way too hot outside to be doing anything but laying in an ice bath, yet here you are leaving at 9am for your shift. The walk to the bus stop isn’t bad, but it does mean you have to walk by Joel’s house.

Joel.

He never followed through on that promise of taking you out for dinner, but it’s only been a month since that night. The two of you had been friendly in passing, since it’s hard to avoid one another, but you can see the avoidance in his eyes. A little while ago you looked up when “neighbours day” was, remembering how he said to let him know. But, it turns out that’s all the way in May, and it’s currently July… So. 

So you’ve been avoiding each other a little. That’s fine, it was a weird situation for the two of you to find yourselves in. You stared at Joel’s grey-blue truck when it rolled back down the street that night, the headlights flashing yellow on your walls. The hand resting on your chin still smelled like him, like his dick. 

Honestly, everything on you smelled like him for a little while, your shirt especially, but also your skin. Joel wouldn’t leave you alone, even though he physically was. Watching him from your window started to become an obsession, seeing the sweat soak through his t-shirt when he’d mow the lawn on the weekends. You couldn’t stop watching him, remembering how needy he was.

Your achy need for him was a constant at night, only competing for dominance over your mind by wondering how needy Joel was.

Nothing could drive the memory of his whimpers and groans out of your mind, the throb of his cock in your hand, and the way his hands twitched and grasped at nothing when he came. It would attack you at random times throughout the day, especially when you were on the bus coming home from work. Most of your days are boring, repetitive. The same texts from your mom, the same job, the same… everything. Joel was the most exciting thing for you, but that was short lived. It was just one evening.

It’s kind of fucked up how you just have to move on, sweaty palmed every morning as you pass by Joel’s house. It isn’t even like he’s home when you walk by, he starts work at around 8am. You would know because Tommy’s truck is noisy as all hell, it works great as a last minute alarm. 

Or at least he isn’t usually home. 

“Mornin’ darlin,” calls Joel as you step off your porch. 

His voice is just as warm and sweet as ever, like the sun today if it were kinder, but there’s an extra cheerful lilt in it. Turning your head, you see Joel still in his pajamas. It’s a weekday, so that’s odd, but what’s more odd is that he’s hanging balloons outside. 

A light grey wife pleaser stretches around his torso, showing off his thick arms and shoulders. This is not something you’ve seen Joel wear before, but he must have slept in it if the plaid pajama pants are anything to go by. 

It’s the polite thing to do to go over there and say hello, right? That’s what your mom would want you to do, to be neighborly. You’re not going over there to check him out. That would be crazy.

Crossing the grass from your house to his is easy, but spit is all caught in your throat by the time you get over to him. Jesus, are you drooling? 

“Hi Joel,” you manage to reply to his greeting as he tapes another balloon up to the overhang of his garage, “what are the balloons for?”

He grunts as he twists to fix the tape, the balloon nearly falling on his head. The way he’s stretching up is making the wife pleaser stretch up, exposing the skin of his waist. Your fingers twitch, wanting to touch there again. It makes your mind spin, thinking about how your hands have been there, that he knows what it’s like to have you on him. An explicit secret that neither of you share. You wish he was facing the other way so you could see his tummy, the plushness of it was so comfy against your arm.

“S’for Sarah,” he finally responds, turning to face you. 

And oh… oh that’s why he’s so damn happy. He had talked about it in passing a few times during the small talk you had made. Sarah’s birthday was in July and she planned on coming home for it, Joel was so bright everytime he talked about it. His smile is so much bigger when he talks about his daughters.

“Is she coming home today?” You ask, shifting on your feet. Joel nods, tearing off another piece of tape with his teeth.

“Uh-huh, pickin’ her up around noon. We’re doin’ a dinner tonight,” he says. You can see how his eyes are a little unfocused, excited. He sticks the tape to the knot of the balloon and starts to continue his sentence, but is cut off by the front door opening.

The sound catches your attention, your eyes flicking to the door. You didn’t see his truck in the driveway, but there’s Tommy Miller in all his glory.

You won’t lie to yourself, the Miller family clearly has good genetics. Tommy’s got these gorgeous waves in his black hair, and a charming smile too. But, he isn’t nearly as soft as Joel is. Not a player, but Joel’s been worn in by 2 daughters and a divorce, like a well loved plushie. Tommy hasn’t been worn in by anything, in fact he’s known for wearing things out. As much as you’ve heard the whispers at neighborhood events, the other Miller brother has never interested you. Tommy, of course, has shown interest in you once or twice. A few bottles in and he’ll talk to anything.

Today though, Tommy is behaving. He flashes you a kind smile, and nods.

“Hey neighbor-girl,” he greets.

You almost snort. You know Tommy knows your name, but he’s being weird. Did Joel tell him? Probably not. Do brothers share that sort of information? You’re getting sweaty again–

“Saw the flowers y’bought Ole Joel,” Tommy grins, “thought maybe his ex’d dropped by.”

Oh. Oh thank god. Thank god the flowers gave it away.

Joel snorts and then scowls at Tommy, shaking his head. He mutters something about you “having a name,” and suddenly all you can hear is the blood in your veins. A hot rush flies over you, but you’re flushed from the sun anyways. What difference will a blush make? It’s not that obvious. 

Distracted with your anxiety around the two, you barely realize that Tommy is scolding Joel now.

“S’nice girl gave you flowers and y’ain’t even invited her to the dinner tonight?” Tommy scoffs, folding his arms over his chest. Your eyes flash to his arms and Jesus does being brothers mean you’re both built as fuck? 

“Tommy,” Joel says, voice tight, “I was midway through a conversation with’er. Was just about to.”

They exchange a look you can’t really decipher. Tommy raises his eyebrows and Joel curls his lip in response. Then, Tommy turns on his heel and goes back in the house.

The heat outside is already uncomfortable, but now you feel awkward. You didn’t realize that Joel would invite you to something. Maybe he didn’t even want to, he just didn’t want to look like an asshat in front of Tommy. Joel looks sheepish in his pajamas, downturned frown neutralizing to a softer smile. He breathes in to speak, but now you don’t want his invite.

“Joel,” you say quietly, “you don’t have to invite me. I’d hate to intrude on your family time with Sarah.” 

You really thought that you’d want to speak to Joel after all this time, but this feels humiliating. A pity invite to his daughter’s birthday dinner? It’s not what you expected, or wanted. As much as you’d like to see Sarah, something about it feels wrong. What would you say?

“Hey, it's been awhile. How’s college been? Good! Aw, I’m glad. Yeah last time I saw your dad I jerked him off. Oh, you’re in STEM?”

No, that’s not what you want. He looks like he’s going to protest, but you have to shut him down. You’ve never really spoken to his other daughter, Ellie. It feels like a nightmare waiting to happen.

“I’m just your neighbor,” you wave your hand, as if you could make this go away.

Joel’s brows furrow, his mustache curling back downwards with his frown. Skittishly, his eyes flick away.

“I… I’d like it if y’came. Even if we’re just neighbors,” Joel says. He seems embarrassed about inviting you, a red hue glowing beneath the sweat on his neck. 

Alone, in front of the garage, it feels like he’s under you again. Why is he so shy? So bashful? Something in you is frustrated. You’ve been waiting for a month for any scraps, anything more than neighborly chit-chat, and now you have to turn him down. Doesn’t he realize you’ve been waiting for him? 

You don’t want to be just neighbors with this Joel, you want more. You want to know him more than just as “hot-single-dad-next-door.”

You want to know him the way you did when you were behind him on the couch.

But… Maybe this is Joel. You saw the pictures all over his house, and he runs a company with his brother. Family is clearly everything to him, and even if this isn’t a dinner-date like he promised, this is something more. It’s closer for him, this is his own version of pulling you in.

Besides, your mom would want you to say yes. It’s polite, right?

You concede to Joel’s wishes, as much as you want something else. He smiles really big when you agree, a shy “okay” leaving you. It’s not like you could ignore him anyways, not with the way his wife pleaser is stretched around him so… pleasingly.

He tells you that there’s a colour theme of black and blue, since Sarah wants everyone to match in the pictures. Joel starts to blab about what a good photographer she is, but you actually shut him down this time, so as to not miss your bus.

—

Somehow, standing on Joel’s porch is a lot worse than last time. You don’t have a bunch of flowers for your neighborly crush, or a set of hands to ease his back. All you have is the guilt in your gut for showing up at his daughter’s birthday dinner. 

It took you almost 45 minutes to pick an outfit. He mentioned blue and black, but didn’t mention what shade of blue. Everything you had felt either too dressy, or was literally pajamas. Eventually you found something that worked, but now you’re in your own head. Will Joel think this is nice? Does Joel even think you’re pretty in the first place? You can’t remember, your mind is blanking. 

Jesus, chill out. You’re going over for dinner, and this isn’t even about you. 

Swallowing the saliva in your mouth, you knock.

“I’ll get it!!” A voice yells from inside. Not Joel’s.

Tommy grins at you after he swings open the door. He’s done his hair back, instead of tying it back, and he’s wearing a blue and black, plaid, flannel. The Miller brothers seem to have a flannel for every occasion. 

“Well helloo Neighbor-Girl,” Tommy greets. His smile is devious as he stands in the doorway. 

Loud footsteps rush up behind Tommy and he’s suddenly being yanked out of your view by a hand. 

“Christ, Tommy, leave’er alone.” Joel grunts.

He isn’t wearing a flannel, which surprises you. His usual casual clothes have been replaced by a nice, black, western shirt. The stitching across the chest is done in black as well. Not unlike Tommy, is his slicked back hair. It’s short still, but it looks good pushed back. 

He tells you to keep your shoes on as he leads you to the backyard. You can’t keep your eyes off him as he and Tommy walk ahead of you. That black shirt, stretched across his back, the curls that lick upwards where his hair isn’t slicked. God, he looks stupidly good.

The house looks about the same. Same couch where you jerked him off, same table where the flowers used to sit, same pictures of his family on the walls. Everything feels different. Why doesn’t it look different?

Finally your eyes reach the backyard, and it looks magical. Various lights have been set up to create a relaxed atmosphere, with some comfortable lawn furniture set up on the deck. The barbecue is clearly cooking something, and Tommy walks to it automatically. 

Sarah and Ellie seem to be giggling to themselves, hunched over in secrecy. The sisters whisper to one another, but part once they see you.

“Hi,” Ellie says immediately, her bright eyes looking at you excitedly. You greet her in return, then wish Sarah a happy birthday.

She’s wearing a matching shirt to Joel’s, which is adorable. You know for a fact that Joel wouldn’t dress up past a button up or flannel for most occasions, meaning Sarah probably begged him for this. Even the wash of their jeans are the same. 

You’re just about to strike up a conversation with the two girls when Joel comes up behind you and squeezes your upper arm gently.

“‘M sittin’ over there, if you’d like to join,” he motions to an outdoor couch identical to the one Sarah and Ellie are sitting on.

It’s close enough that you could go back to talking with the girls, but once you’ve sat down beside Joel, they’re back to giggling. 

—

It feels like everybody knows.

This fear from earlier has manifested in front of your eyes, this awful anxiety growing. You could barely finish your food, even though it was delicious. Your mouth is dry all the time, you can’t stop drinking water. You hyperfocus on every little action you take, feeling crazy,

Tommy has been staring at you like he’s holding a secret, his eyes seem to say “I know something you don’t,” and every time you turn your back Sarah and Ellie are giggling again. For them, you try to cut some slack. Ellie is a teen, and Sarah isn’t a lot older than her, they’re young girls, of course they’re giggling. It’s Tommy who’s making you anxious, especially with the scolding scowls that Joel keeps sending him. 

The conversations are fine once you stop eating, mostly with you listening and observing the dynamic in the family. Tommy talks about this recent client he and Joel have been working with as you all eat cake, but it’s hard to focus when it feels like everybody knows what you did.

Joel seems to notice this anxiety over the course of the night, looking at you with mild concern a few times. He even asks if you’re alright at some point, holding the “darlin” for once, and you just tell him you had a rough day at work. Total lie, the only rough thing about this day is how you feel like you’re going to throw up all your food anytime someone in his family starts to perceive you.

Later in the evening, Joel rests his hand on your knee when he reaches for his beer, and you flinch. He seems caught off guard by this, but luckily nobody else notices. His eyes are apologetic as he looks at you, all brown and sappy.

Shame is burning in your veins. He’s invited you here to spend this special night with his daughter and family. He's been so kind to feed you too, but now you’ve made him feel weird too. It feels like your anxiety is leaking out of your pores, a haze of guilt clouding your mind and flooding his. Joel hasn’t seemed bothered at all tonight, or at least he hasn’t shown it. 

But there he is, accommodating you as he leans a little closer and asks;

“S’gettin’ late. I could walk y’home.”

There he is, there’s your Joel. Your Joel, the one who you know as a caring man. In any other situation this would feel like someone politely requesting you leave the party early, but not with Joel. He’s conscious of your emotions, and he can tell you’re too overwhelmed to be here anymore. There’s your sweet boy, reeling you in before it gets to be too much.

You only nod in response.

It’s a few more minutes before you get out of there, with Tommy and Ellie stacking copious amounts of leftovers for you onto paper plates, lidding them with tin foil. You use this time to talk a little with Sarah, asking about her time in college. She’s happy to share with you, and you can see Joel in her. She has the welcoming energy, the same warmth in her that pools in her eyes. Even without the outfits they would match. 

Ellie, however, must be spending too much time with Tommy. They both wear shit eating grins as they hand you the stack of plates stuffed with leftovers, with Tommy asking you to “Come back anytime.”

Blood rushes to your face fast, and you toddle off to the door quickly after saying thank you.

—

The air on the porch is cooler, but your adrenaline is making you run hot. You want to stop sweating, but all the looks and giggles and comments from the night are running through your mind repeatedly. What did they know? How did they know? Joel wouldn’t tell them anything like that, would he? Thank God you didn’t stay long enough to be in those pictures that Sarah wanted to take. 

The front door thuds shut a moment later. Joel’s steps fall heavy behind you, then he’s beside you. He’s barely touched you tonight, and even now he keeps his distance. You’re glad for it, you couldn’t have handled it anyways.

You both walk the short distance to your house, using the pathway rather than cutting through the grass like you usually do. It feels like you should be enjoying these extra seconds of time with him, but all you feel is embarrassed.

He breathes in the cool air of the summer night through his nose, chest puffing, then blows it out.

“I am so, so, fuckin’ sorry,” he says.

It takes you off guard immediately. You felt like you were acting crazy all night just by your own overthinking, but it was also fuelled by Joel’s non-chalantness about everything. He didn’t seem to notice anything all night but you and how anxious you were. This feels like the start of a conversation, so you put the leftovers down on the bottom step of your porch. 

“I– Ellie, when I brought her home after you were over last,” he begins, “she got home and saw the flowers right away. I told her not to make nothin’ of it, but she went and rattled off to Sarah and Tommy.”

Oh, okay. It was just the flowers. That’s good, at least they think you’re a lovesick loser, rather than the neighborhood floozy. 

“I told them to act right tonight, begged’em to. The three of’em have been torturing me about it, I think it’s why I avoided you,” Joel admits quietly. 

He’s doing it again, soothing your worries without meaning to. He’s a cooling balm on your burning brain, a sense of sanity cleansing you. 

Joel wasn’t ashamed of what happened between you two, his family was just being shitstirrers about him receiving flowers. It wasn’t on purpose, and most importantly–

“I’m really sorry, angel. I should have called or– or somethin. Askin’ you to come tonight was askin’ for trouble from them. My daughter’s birthday ain’t makin’ up for shit, ‘specially not when they’re actin’ like that.”

An apology. Joel Miller seemed like a solid man before, one that was dependable, polite, and kind, but now he seems near-perfect. He’s taking accountability, admitting how he acted and why, and apologizing. No wonder he has two incredible daughters, both of whom love him dearly. 

You stand there for a minute, a little speechless. You can’t remember a time that a man apologized to you and seemed to really mean it, or at least understand what he did wrong. But there’s Joel, in his black western shirt that’s rolled up his thick forearms, eyes soft and sorry as he looks at you in the blue-black night. He’s not like any man you’ve met before, not like your dad, friends back home, or your ex-boyfriend. 

Tonight isn’t like any night you’ve had in Texas so far, but for so many different reasons. You’ve had a few weird nights, sure. Like what you shared with Joel, or the time you took the wrong bus home and got lost downtown, but it’s weird in a good way.

Tonight, you get to accept an apology from a man who truly seems sorry. Who’s admitted his wrongs, explained what happened, and more than that he’s been earnest about it. You didn’t have to beg for this apology, or argue why he should apologize. He did that on his own, made up his mind, and said sorry like a real man would. 

It’s hard to make up your mind on what to do though, whether you should throw yourself at him and kiss him dizzy, or to just say “It’s alright, no hard feelings.”

You settle somewhere in the middle, taking his hands into your own. Your thumb pads rest in the centre of his palms, pushing down and massaging his hands. 

“It’s okay,” you say finally, voice unsteady. 

Joel isn’t at fault for his family being devious and obviously way too interested in his love life. What he is at fault for, is avoiding you. Brave enough to apologize, pussy enough to avoid the girl he likes. You keep talking.

“I wish you would have spoken to me about this, it made me feel awkward,” you tell him.

He looks up from your joined hands then, looking at you face on. Shame is painting his features, but he’s trying to be courageous, you can tell.

There is no “I know I should have,” or “I’m sorry you felt that way.” Just his voice saying, “I’m sorry.”

No if’s, and’s, or but’s. He’s sorry without excuse or pride. 

The night air is still brisk on your skin, but Joel is warm everywhere. If you laid a hand onto his cheek you would feel hot flesh burning you back. His eyes flit from your own for a moment, decisive. 

“I’d really, really, like to have dinner with you sometime. I know tonight was a disaster, so I won’t be offended if y’say no, but… I wanna make this up to you.”

This feels so much realer than last time, like he’s gripping your heart in his hand and squeezing as it beats. Joel isn’t just saying this in passing after he’s come in your hand, he’s not awkward and politely asking to return a favor. Joel wants this, wants you, wants to have dinner with you. It probably should have occurred to you when he invited you to his daughter’s birthday dinner, but it’s only hitting you right now. No more pity invites, he wants this. 

Joel Miller wants this, he wants you, and he’s standing there with your hands in his, with his stupid soft eyes and with his heart on the line. He’s beautiful right now, standing with you as sorry as he can be. You’ll let him have this, he’s asking for it himself. Joel’s being so much braver this time around.

“I think we could do that,” you reply quietly.

His shoulders relax, brow unfurrowing. You can see the relief flood over him instantly, and he looks beautiful then too. 

It’s easy from there. Joel’s voice is so soft when he’s grateful, quiet as he thanks and arranges a date-night with you. The two of you decide that a night in would be fine, since Joel ends up working late pretty often. You’re fine with this, and would honestly rather have him to yourself anyways. No more prying eyes when you’re with him, no more over-bearing perceptions that make your brain fizzle out with anxiety. Just you and Joel. 

Admittedly, this silly crush on Joel began at a pretty surface level. Not shallow, but all you knew about him was that he was a hot dad and a nice guy. Now, though? Now he’s proven himself, shown you that there’s something in him that you can reach for. Everything’s bigger in Texas, but so far it’s only made you feel small. Being around Joel hushes you, like a kiss to a scrape. You want to know him deeper. 

He squeezes your hands, then drops them so you can pick up your leftovers. You feel a little shy turning your back to him as you make it up to your door, but then he speaks.

“You looked real pretty tonight, angel, more’n usual.”

You hope he can’t hear the squeak you make when the door shuts behind you.

—

It’s a few days later, and Joel is supposed to be coming soon. He warned that he’s been working late recently, that he probably won’t be off work until eight that evening. You don’t care, you made him dinner. 

It’s sitting in the kitchen, ready to be rewarmed when he gets to your house. It’s 8:30 now, he should be here soon. You’re tucked away on the couch, settled after recooling the house with your air conditioner. To be honest it should be illegal to cook during summers like this. You sweated so much you thought about taking another shower, but it wouldn’t have helped.

Besides, Joel’s showing up to your house in probably 10 minutes, sweaty and gross from work. It won’t be like you’re any grosser in comparison.

As predicted, he does show up ten minutes later. His hair is a mess and he smells like hard work, but it doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters when he’s in your doorway, toeing off his boots, and asking how your day was. Joel’s eyes keep shyly meeting yours as you lead him to your living room and turn to face him. He’s nervous, clearly, but it’s sweet. You’re both out of your element again, this time in your house instead.

Joel’s eyes flit around the room when he’s avoiding your eyes, taking in your home similar to how you did his when you were there not so long ago. You wonder what he’s thinking, hoping he doesn’t find you to be boring. He keeps clenching and unclenching his fists and laughing nervously, and you keep watching how his adam's apple bobs in his throat, and how he vibrates with his laughter. He looks puppylike in the soft light of your home, brown eyes glistening.

“Are you hungry?” You ask him, tilting your head upwards. He looks so huge in your little space.

Joel nods sheepishly, and so you lead him into the kitchen.

—

They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and maybe Joel is the reason they say that. He groaned his way through dinner, with his eyes rolled back and compliments flying off his tongue when he wasn’t chewing. He listened to every word you said intently, taking his time with the food you had made. It had taken almost 40 minutes for him to finish that plate of food, and you saw just earlier that week how fast he could pound back a meal.

He’s savoring you with this silent praise you’ve never experienced.

And now he’s sat beside you on the couch, arm around your shoulders, and you’re snuggled back into him. The remote seems like a prop as you use it, aimlessly scrolling through a streaming service for a movie. Your thumbs are just rubbing over the rubber buttons now, your eyes focused on how his chest rises and falls. 

“I really don’t mind what you wanna watch, baby,” He says.

His voice seems so much nicer up close like this, when his face is just above yours and you’re beside him. 

“Or we don’t have to watch anything at all, we can just talk.”

How are you supposed to control yourself around him? How can he just walk into your home and fit right into your space, and look that good and be so warm? It feels like your bones are fighting against your skin to move, like the blood in your veins is yearning to jump rope. Joel is turning you on in a way you didn’t think possible, in a way where he’s never touched you, but you need him all at once. He’s softening the both of you.

It’s the middle of the hottest July of your entire life, but you’ve never felt warmer than right now.

“I’m sorry, was that weird? I jus’ like to hear you talk an–” Fuck he’s so nervous. Why is he so nervous? You want him loose and pliant again, like he was on the couch. 

“You should kiss me,” you blurt out. 

It’s funny how this is not the most insane thing you’ve suggested. The first crazy thing you suggested was “helping” him out with his boner when you went to his house on father’s day. 

Still, Joel is surprised. 

“You think so? I jus’ ate, I probably taste like food,” he says it like it’s an excuse.

You shift your body so you can face him better, chin tilted up so you can see his face. He’s not blushing, but he does seem surprised. This is much different than the embarrassed girl he walked home not even a week ago.

“Joel, I’m sure. I just– I don’t know, I’m sorry,” you bumble out.

He’s shaking his head, eyebrows pinched in that stupid way that makes his eyes look like a baby animals. 

“No, no, baby, it’s alright I’m just gross from work and I…” He drops eye contact with you. 

“I don’t want you to think that all I want from you is physical. You’re beautiful in a lot more ways than that.”

Fuck this guy, seriously. He’s so nervous, and clearly still thinks he’s fumbling this. Your bones are still vibrating, you’re so close to jumping out of your skin and into his. 

“Joel you’re incredible too, but I just really need you to kiss me,” you breathe. 

He seems to get it then. You clearly have deeper feelings, but after so long apart, and that disaster with his family, you’re pent up. Joel knows he’s kept you waiting long enough.

His first kiss is hesitant, just a small one that ends in a mumbled apology.

“S’been awhile,” he excuses before going back in.

And from there, it escalates. He’s controlled in his kisses, and seems to be avoiding tongue kissing you. Joel’s hesitancy from eating earlier is there, and you appreciate the courtesy. He makes it up though, when you push him further back on the couch and slide into his lap, arms looped around his neck.

Kisses are dotted from your lips, down your chin, and to the soft skin of your neck, where his mouth nips and kisses gently. Your hands are in his hair as you roll your head back, wanting to allow him however much space he needs to kiss you. There’s no hesitancy for either of you to be quiet, with him groaning as he smothers your neck in kisses, and you whining as he finds your sensitive points. 

It only takes a few ruts of your hips against his for him to be asking you if you want to go upstairs. He’s out of breath beneath you, cheeks flushed, and you can feel how hard he’s gotten.

“Y-yeah, my room,” you agree weakly, sliding off his lap.

Joel can barely keep his hands off you as you scamper up the stairs, grasping at your thighs and laughing softly when you squeak. 

It feels so juvenile, the way he grabs for you as soon as you enter your room. His lips are back on yours even as you try to tug up his shirt and he shakes his head slightly. 

“You first, I have a lot to make up for,” he mumbles, nodding his head towards the bed.

He undresses you once you’ve laid down, with eyes that drag over you in awe and pure attraction. Joel doesn’t mind your plain cotton undies, or the hairs that poke out the front. It’s sweet and homelike, it’s normal. 

He kisses where your hip bone is, murmuring into the fabric that covers it. 

“I really want to eat you out, beautiful. Is that okay with you?”

For the first time in this entire evening, his voice seems to sober you rather than intoxicate you more. Your lungs finally catch up with the rest of you, and you can breathe enough to get some actual oxygen into your brain, so you can think.

Obviously the answer should be yes, but you don’t feel totally comfortable with that yet. You’re not someone who prefers to be shaven, it’s inconvenient, but your bush is a little much even for you right now. On top of that, you’ve been sweating like crazy all day, so you don’t even wanna know what it’s like down there. And if you don’t wanna know what it’s like, then you don’t want Joel to know what it’s like, even if he really wants to.

So you shake your head.

Perfect boy he is, Joel nods and says “that’s alright, baby, thank you for bein’ honest,” as he slides back up your body after placing one more kiss on your hip bone. 

You are okay with him lifting your shirt off, and then unclipping your bra. He palms at your breasts lovingly, kissing them all over and lapping at your nipples. All of his touches are so gentle, but stupidly impactful. He seems to know that you don’t want this to be rough, that you enjoy his sweetness. He’s understanding you without even trying, and it feels like you’re being loved for the first time.

Joel is being careful in a way that doesn’t make you feel like you’re being overdramatic, or fragile. He’s watching your movements so he can do this right, but at the same time you’re getting impatient.

“Joel,” you pant as he sucks your nipple back into his mouth, “Joel, take your clothes off, please?”

He’s stupidly excited as he scrambles off your bed, tugging his jeans down and almost getting caught in his shirt when he pulls it off wrong. Joel touches his boxers and then looks at you with questioning eyes. This is where he hesitates.

“We can turn the lights off,” you offer gently. 

You remember his hesitancy on the couch, how he didn’t want you to look at him, to see him. It doesn’t matter if it’s dark in your room when this happens, so long as it’s him in the bed with you.

Joel turns and shuts the lights off, plunging the room into darkness for a moment before your eyes adjust. In another moment, you feel him on top of you again, his warm skin touching yours. It’s very lucky you cracked your window open earlier, so now your bedroom has become a manageable temperature. 

He’s comfortable on top of you, with his plush tummy pressing against the softness of your own. Your legs tangle as you struggle to strip your undies off, and you give up when they get caught around your ankle. His nose is pressed to your cheek as he just hovers above you for a second. 

“I know I said this earlier, but it really has been a long time,” he admits quietly. 

It shouldn’t warm your heart the way it does, but the idea of him not sharing himself with anyone for so long until you… it’s special. 

“That’s okay. Are you okay?” You ask.

He nods, from what you can feel, and then pulls back onto his knees. Joel isn’t totally visible in the light of your room, but he’s still gorgeous from what you can tell. The pouch of his tummy is so cute, so real, and you hope that you can bite it one day.

“I’m just going to prep you a little, is that okay darlin?” Joel says carefully, trailing a hand down your thigh.

Maybe from the outside this looks like two awkward people having sex, or maybe even like you don’t want each other at all. It sounds like there’s so much hesitancy in the room, but it’s not like that. The two of you are just reassuring one another, Joel to you because he was gone for so long, and you to him because it’s been so long for him. 

So it isn’t awkward, when he plunges his finger into you. He starts with one, gentle as ever, and works up to three very slowly. Joel leans down to your cheek and murmurs the nicest things to you, telling you how nice you feel, thanking you for being so kind to him.

“So patient with me, baby. Don’t know why you are, but it’s so kind,” he says quietly as he curls his fingers in you. They feel so much bigger than your own, but they fit fine. Fuller than you’re used to, but fulfilled in a new way. The feeling chokes your breath and all you can do is whimper softly at him, eyes wide.

“M’gonna be makin’ up my mistakes for a long time to you, an’ not just like this,” he promises, slowing his movements but making them more deliberate, a little harder. Nothing is burning like it usually does, there’s no sting of pain, it’s just a melting pot of pleasure between your legs as he gives himself to you and you to him. 

“Is that okay with you? Is it okay if I wanna make this up to you for a long time?” Joel asks.

You know what he’s asking. You know you want it too, you know you haven’t felt this wanted since you moved to Texas, probably even before. Nothing has felt like this in your life, and he’s requesting you to have it. 

“Yes, yes, Joel, that’s okay with me,” you say.

He leans down and kisses you once, then lets you scoot up and over on the bed so you can fumble in your drawer for the lube. Your hand passes over a silicone toy in your bedside table and you smile at the fact that it will soon be long abandoned as you pass the lube to him.

“Might be cold,” Joel warns before pouring some onto his fingers and applying it to you.

Then, he applies some to himself and settles comfortably between your legs. He drags the head of his cock over your hole and up to your clit, like a teasing warning. He had felt big in your palm before, but he feels even bigger now. He was right to prep you.

Finally, he notches himself and slowly pushes in, letting your locked ankles on his lower back guide the speed at which he slides in. Joel is breathing really heavily, and when he finally feels his pelvis meet yours, he collapses down onto his elbows.

“Fuck,” he cusses.

It feels better than you thought it would. He’s big, but not so much that you want him to pull back a little. You physically feel as comfortable and fulfilled as he makes you feel emotionally.

“So good, oh my god–” you sigh softly, hands reaching up and catching his curls in your fingers. You drag him down, your beautiful boy, and kiss him gently. 

But he isn’t moving. You can feel his thighs shaking and how he’s still breathing heavily.

“Hey,” you start softly after pulling back from the kiss, but he shakes his head.

“If I move I think–  I think I’m gonna come,” he sputters out embarrassedly.

Oh. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry baby. You’re just so fucking pretty and it’s been so long and you feel so goddamn good, I don’t know, I can’t move.” 

His nose is near enough to yours that you can brush them together, nuzzling the side of his face.

“Joel it’s okay, I’m not going to be upset,” you tell him. It’s oddly sweet for him to have such an overwhelming reaction to you. 

“No, I know that I just… I really wanna make you come. I wanna feel it," he admits.

And so you wait. Your unending patience seems to extend to him again in this moment and you lay there kissing him until he can finally begin to move at an even pace. 

It’s so worth it.

Joel is so loving as he fucks you, with deep thrusts as he groans and bites at your neck tenderly. His hands come up and palm your breasts, rolling his thumbs over his nipples as he tells you how pretty you are, how grateful and sorry he is.

He apologizes a lot. For the party, for his distance, for how stupid he was to not see how beautiful you were from the day you moved in next door. He’s noisy and apologetic as he keeps a stable pace as he fucks you into your mattress. 

Your mind is entirely fucked for him. You’re whimpering and mewling beneath him, babbling “it’s okay,” and “i forgive you,” everytime he says he’s sorry. Why is he even sorry anymore? Can’t he tell how much you love this? 

The more he talks the closer you get, your body clenching around him as he buries himself deep repeatedly. The stable pace he set should ground you, should keep your head on your shoulders, but it’s actually making it worse. You don’t need it any faster or harder than he’s giving it to you, not with how noisy he is, and how attentive his hands are.

“Do you forgive me?” he rumbles into your ear, dropped on one elbow as his other hand is reached down and gently rubbing your clit. 

You nod desperately, accidentally knocking your head into his. It makes him laugh, asking “yeah?” as he continues to pin his hips into your own. 

“I forgive you, Joel, I swear,” you choke out weakly. 

“Then will you come for me, honey? Please?” he asks.

It’s maybe the dirtiest thing he’s said all night, or maybe it just feels like it in the heat of the moment, but it sends you over the edge right away. You spasm around him and claw at his broad back, gasping for air and squeaking out noises you haven’t made before. Tears prick at your eyes as he works you through it with his fingers and cock.

“Fuck, yeah, there you are baby, that’s a good girl. God– Can I come? Is that okay?” Joel asks once you start to come down. You’re still in your head enough to nod, pressing a sloppy kiss to his lips. 

It doesn’t take long at all, you’re surprised he was able to last as long as he did with everything considered. Joel takes less than a minute before he’s pulling out and letting out deep grunts and breaths as he comes on your tummy, looking down at you with adoring eyes. 

“Thank you, thank you baby, God.” He huffs out as he catches his breath. He’s kneeling between your legs with his chest puffing. 

He continues thanking you as he cleans you up with a washcloth. You had to guide him to it by yelling instructions as he walked on shaky legs to your linen closet, not wanting to spill his mess everywhere. 

Once you’re finally cleaned up, he nestles into bed with you. Your head lays on his still clammy shoulder as he tucks you beneath his arm and presses kisses to your hairline.

“M’so grateful for you, darlin’, I hope you know that,” he mumbles to you. 

You tell him that you know, that he just proved it to you, and he laughs. The noise is so warm in your room, like it was meant to be there.

“Okay, that’s fair, but if you need anything else,” he tells you.

A thought does pop into your mind, but it doesn’t seem totally appropriate. You’re enjoying this peaceful moment with Joel, in your quiet room. His hand is tapping its fingers on your stomach, squeezing the flesh once or twice.

You decide not to say anything, but your tummy does. She growls loud and proud, forcing an embarrassed blush onto your face.

“Um… I think I’m kinda hungry,” you admit.

—

That’s how you and Joel end the night, in the kitchen.

You’re sitting on your countertop while he leans against it about a foot away. The paper plate that Ellie loaded up with cake is sat between the two of you, and your forks steal big lumps out of it.

Joel has frosting in his moustache, but it looks so cute there that you don’t have the heart to tell him. Instead, you just lean over and kiss him. 

“N’ what was that for?” He asks through a mouthful of cake.

You just giggle and shrug, admiring him. 

“I just like you,” you tell him.

He looks like he might roll his eyes, but instead he steps closer to you and kisses you on the cheek. You can feel the residue of the frosting on your skin.

“Yeah, I think I like you too, baby.” 

i don't have a taglist, but i'll just tag people who commented on texas sweet :p @mochamadeleines @pascalssbabyy @taeslarityy @stefanibear003 @slutty-express @theweedisasterxoxo @knockk0ut @axshadows @lumpatto @aquanatalie @peekyourinterest @moel-jiller @ghostofzion @joeylovestofu @hellishjoel @pedropeach @pawnshopb1ues

[ceesimz]

Our Sun Is Setting

TW: mentions of homophobia and grief for a parent. It's quite a heavy fic, please keep that in mind.

"I told my Mami about you today."

You didn't think it was possible for a relatively normal, short sentence over the phone to make you feel sick to the pit of your stomach, but it did.

"Oh." That was all you managed.

Your mind was in overdrive as you stood in the middle of the grocery store, buying ingredients for the dinner you were preparing for later that evening when Alexia was going to come over. Any other person would have reacted better, wouldn't have been frozen to the tiles of the shop in the middle of the breakfast aisle, wouldn't have been on the brink of a panic attack from a simple statement.

"She was very happy. And she would like to meet you soon, whenever you like."

Another punch to the gut.

"She also teased me for talking about you so much. I couldn't stop myself." Alexia paired her words with a shy laugh.

The sound of it grounded you slightly as you moved out of the way of an old couple walking in your direction, but your head was still being insistently ruthless as you wandered mindlessly through the rest of the shop. Alexia was still talking over the line, seemingly not noticing your silence, but you couldn't work out what she was saying due to the unbearable ringing in your ears.

You were in shock.

"Are you still there?"

"Y-yeah, sorry. I think the signal went a bit weird, I didn't catch much of what you said." You reply in a shaking voice.

On the other side of the phone, Alexia frowns ever so slightly - she can almost sense something is wrong, but she can't quite figure out what or why. She hopes that when she sees you later, you are perhaps feeling better or if not, at least she's there for you.

"Okay cariño, would it be better if I left you to your shop?" She suggests, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel of her car where she was parked outside of the training complex before an afternoon training session.

"Yeah, probably. Sorry, I'll see you later."

And with that, you hung up.

As you went to slide your phone into your pocket with your shaking hands, you missed, causing it to clatter heavily against the tiles. It earned a few stares from the people around you, only intensifying the jittery dread that surged through you. Pins and needles encapsulated your body as you crouched down to pick up your now-smashed phone, but currently that was the last thing on your mind.

Alexia's statements circled relentlessly around your head - to literally anybody else in the world, hearing those words from someone they had were seeing would be enamouring and seen as a key, heart-warming milestone. But to you, it opened up a dark spot in your mind that you had shunned to the side for some amount of time. It seemed now was the right moment for that unidentifiable problem to break free from its shackles and make itself known, and you were terrified of what those repercussions would be.

You carried out the rest of your shop on autopilot, shoving a handful of notes into the cashier's hand before rushing out without a clue of how much you just gave them. For all you know, you could have massively overpaid them or robbed them in broad daylight. You were so out of touch with the world right now.

So much so, that you were unlocking the door to your apartment before you realised. How long did it take you to get home? Did your phone still work? What time is it? Did you walk, get a taxi, catch the bus, how did you get here? What did you even buy at the shop? Why won't this fucking door open-

A neighbour walked past hastily as you barged a shoulder against the door and almost crashed through it as it finally opened. You sent them an apologetic smile, though there was no doubt in your mind it was more of a manic and unnerving look than anything else, before slamming it shut behind you. The icing on the cake to this whole thing was the fact that the bottom of your shopping bag split open, scattering your groceries across the floor of the entryway. At least now you could see what you had bought.

Whether your legs failed you and buckled or you put yourself on the ground, you kneeled on the floor and gathered everything into your arms to transport it to the kitchen. It was a struggle, your trembling arms barely having the strength to hold themselves up, but you managed to dump your belongings on the kitchen side. Once you'd done that, you rested heavily against the counter, desperately trying to replenish the oxygen that had been stolen from your lungs some point along the way to this moment here.

What the fuck do you do now?

You turned to lean back against the counter and slowly slid down to the ground until you were sat on the floor, head back against the cupboard. There were too many conflicting thoughts and emotions rushing through you that all you could do was sit and stare. Feeling nothing but everything at the same time, thinking nothing but everything all at once.

Seeing Alexia tonight might tip you over the edge. You hope it doesn't end that way. You hope that her presence eases you. You hope she saves you from falling, sinking, spiralling into an irrevocable state of mind, whether she recognises that she's doing it or not. You hope, hope, hope.

Time seems to be a temporary concept for today, because before you've even had the chance to start preparing dinner for tonight, Alexia is at your door. Her voice calls out from behind it, asking if you're in there and if you're okay, because you've zoned out again. You're on the sofa, your cross-body purse still hanging off your shoulder, your jacket still zipped up to your chin, your shoes still on. Your groceries are still strewn on the kitchen counter, and the torn bag is still in the entry way.

"Amor, are you in there? Let me in." Alexia calls out, her voice tainted with concern.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm coming!" You jump up, kick your shoes off, throw your bag onto the small dining table, and open the door. She visibly deflates at the sight of you, her tense shoulders dropping, but her face contorts at your attire.

"Why do you have your chaqueta on?" She asks, and you're beyond grateful to hear it's said in an amused tone.

"Bit cold s'all. Come in." You're not cold. You live in Barcelona, and it's the middle of the spring.

You step to the side and she walks in with a tiny smile on her face. She's glad to be here, you realise. She seems to be in a light and happy mood, carrying no extra stress or other burdens, and, rather selfishly, you're glad.

"How was training?"

You plaster a smile on your face as she takes her shoes off and drops her bag beside them, turning to you and opening her arms. You walk into them with no hesitation, but the feeling isn't as relieving as you desired it to be.

"It was good. I did a amazing free-kick, I will show you the video." Alexia beams, and that does warm your heart somewhat. Her passion for her work, her career, her life, was forever an invigorating thing to witness. It's a shame you weren't in the right mood to appreciate it.

"That's great, Ale." You smile genuinely up at her, more than happy to return the soft kiss she offers.

It momentarily calms and heals a small part of you you'd been hoping she would subconsciously fix, but it wasn't enough and you recognised that straight away. You'd get on your knees, beg, and pray to any higher power that would listen to you just so you'd feel okay for one more day. Except, who do you pray to when you don't believe in God?

"What's that?" She points to the white plastic bag from earlier.

"Oh, the bag for the groceries ripped as soon as I walked in. Must have forgotten to pick it up." You shrug it off, wishing for her attention to be elsewhere for the time being. "I haven't started dinner yet, sorry."

"That's okay." She smiles, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly and kissing your cheek. "How was your day?"

Tough question.

"It was alright, haven't done much." You brush it off, taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen... where the whole area was still a state.

"Oh, what happened here?" Alexia frowns.

If it was just a few items, she wouldn't be so puzzled, but when a good portion of the food left out was fridge and freezer food? Strange.

"I... I, when the bag ripped before, a jar smashed by the door and, uh... I took a while cleaning it and forgot to put the rest of the stuff away." You ramble unusually quickly. It was a blatant lie, but she didn't need to know that.

Except, Alexia was an incredibly attentive person, and she knew straight away that something was amiss. The first sign was that, in her intelligent mind, she knew that theoretically if a jar filled were to smash by the front door, the white bag from earlier would have been covered in its contents - but that wasn't the case. The second sign: whenever you cleaned your apartment, you used a very strong smelling citrus scented spray - she often complained about it and nagged you to get one that smelt nicer. Your apartment didn't smell uncomfortably citrusy right now. Funny observation, sure, but these two pieces of seemingly inconspicuous evidence gave away the fact you weren't right. Oh, and your strange behaviour showcased on the phone earlier and a few moments ago didn't help your case either.

But, she chose not to pressure you about it yet. She wanted to wait until you perhaps opened up to her some point this evening. However, that didn't entirely stop her from speaking up.

"Ven aquí, amor." Alexia demands calmly, reaching a hand out to you. Suppressing a sigh, you take it, and she looks down at you with a pressing stare. "Answer me honestly. Are you okay?"

No.

"Yes, I'm okay. I'm fine, Ale, I am." You try to reassure her, squeezing her hand and smiling up at her.

"You promise?" Alexia raises her eyebrows and offers her pinky for you to seal your, rather untruthful, truth. "It's okay if something isn't right."

Pinky promises, as childish as they may come across to some, were never to be broken. Since the start of your relationship, they had been a thing that had been utilised by the both of you to ensure you are telling the truth. Alexia had broken one of her promises she had made to you before in the past, so why couldn't you do one in return? It's only fair, right? Relationships were meant to be equal after all.

"Promise." You smile again and raise your other hand to lock fingers with her. She smiles, though you can see she's not convinced, but nevertheless she kisses your knuckle.

"Can I help you cook?"

"I'm meant to be cooking for you. And you are a bit of a control freak in the kitchen." You tease, desperately trying to steer the night away from the morose direction it could go down, and instead towards the light-hearted, content way you so needed.

"I think I am just a control freak in general." She smirks at you before turning to put away the disregarded shopping. You would also happily accept that direction too, you supposed. "Venga, I am so hungry, I skipped lunch at training for a meeting and now I regret it."

To your relief, you both make peaceful conversation once you've told her what you planned on cooking, and it's so peacefully domestic as you do your individual tasks beside each other. Every so often, Alexia will joke and bump her hip into yours as you giggle, and this version of your girlfriend is exactly what you needed. For a moment, you feel the cloud over your head slither away, until the topic you wanted to avoid came up.

"So, what do you think of me telling my Mami about us? You never gave me a response on call earlier."

You freeze momentarily, Alexia thankfully not noticing from the corner of her eye. With a subtle clearing of your throat, you continue cutting up the chilli peppers on the board in front of you, but your now shaking hands pose as a slight kitchen hazard considering the sharp knife you were wielding.

"I, yeah, it's nice. Nice that you, um... did that." You stutter out anxiously, nausea settling cruelly in the pit of your stomach. Alexia takes in your reaction and laughs under her breath, turning briefly to leave a kiss on your forehead.

"No need to be nervous, amor. We have been together for many months now, it was due to happen soon. And M-"

"Ow- fuck!" You gasp sharply, dropping the knife immediately and cradling your hand as blood began dripping from the middle joint of your index finger.

"Woah, amor, what happened?" Alexia winces at the sight, grabbing a few squares of kitchen paper and pressing it against your cut.

"I- my hand slipped and I obviously cut myself." You grimace, eyes tightly shut to rid yourself of the sight. "It burns too, fuck."

Alexia knew you didn't handle blood too well, so she turned you away from the scene and wrapped one arm around your back, rubbing up and down comfortingly whilst she still applied pressure to the cut.

"It's okay, it's okay, it hurts more because of the chilli. Take some breaths, vale?" You nod hastily, not really realising your cheeks had puffed out as you held your breath. Alexia watches your face closely, eyes still closed as you took deep breaths to calm yourself. "You're doing good, bebita. Keep doing that, so good. Let's relax a bit, hm? We should sit down in case you get lightheaded."

The last sentence is her thinking out loud as she started guiding you towards one of the chairs at the dining table. Resting one elbow on the table whilst Alexia continued to hold your wounded hand, you lay your forehead against your uninjured hand as Alexia crouched beside you. Your joined hands lay in your lap as you calmed down, or at least tried to.

To Alexia, it would appear that you were just mentally recovering from the shock of the incident. But actually, you were trying to dispel the unsuspected horror that filled you to the brim at Alexia's earlier reminder.

I told my Mami about you today. She wants to meet you.

That line inevitably meant you had to tell your family too. Except, you couldn't. There was no way you would, no way you could, not without facing realities you had pressed down far into unreachable and forgettable depths of your mind. It was all too much, it was simply not a possibility for you. You knew what it would lead to, and you weren't ready for that.

For the past months you'd been with Alexia and the time you spent getting to know her before that, you had mostly lived in a bubble that dissociated you from the broken, cracked, ruined, utterly destroyed parts of your brain. It had been perfect so far, and you'd be fucking damned to leave that bubble now. But perhaps it was too late and the damage had been done long before Alexia said what she said earlier, maybe that darkness just needed a catalyst before it submerged you in its wake.

"Amor? Hey, come back." One of Alexia's hands lightly patted your cheek to bring you back into the room. "You scared me there. Your breathing got really bad and you were in a... a weird daze. I was talking but you weren't reacting or anything. Are you back now?"

You nodded wordlessly at her, still not entirely taking in what she was saying.

"The blood... freaked me out." You rasp breathlessly, shaking your head a little to rid the glaze over your vision.

"That's okay. Do you feel a little dizzy? I can get you something to help that. Clear your head maybe." You nod again, and she gently lets go of your hand. Cold shivers immediately burst through at the lost contact, but you had to get over yourself and get used to it.

Cautiously, you take the tissue off of your hand and inspect the damage. It doesn't seem deep enough for stitches, which instantly fills you with relief. If you weren't already in a state of intense dismay already, a trip to the hospital would cause a hurricane of emotions that left a lasting imprint on everything and everyone around.

"Here, some apple juice. To get your blood sugar back." Alexia places a mug of apple juice in front of you and notices your now bare hand. "Oof, amor, that looks painful. I'm not sure if that may need a doct-"

"No! No doctors, no hospital. It doesn't need stitches, it's fine." You rush out, eyes wide in what Alexia guesses is fear as you look down at where she's crouched again. "Please, no hospital. It just needs to be cleaned and wrapped up."

"Okay, if you are sure." Alexia replies, nudging the cup closer to you. "Drink that and I will get the first aid kit."

You do as she says, drinking the half-empty cup of apple juice whilst she searches through the kitchen for the green box of medical supplies. Her eyes hardly leave your slumped form at the table, filled with worry for you. Things weren't adding up now, it was obvious, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could ignore it.

A part of her feels afraid to push you; emotionally she wants the best for you and if subtly, or not so subtly, urging you to do that works then she'll do it, but intellectually she senses a deep, internalised issue that could rip through you if handled incorrectly. It's not up to her to cause that. So she asks a question that's so layered it flattens all remaining atmosphere in the room.

"Cariño, how do you feel now?" She pretends to busy herself with organising the already packed box of medical necessities you kept.

"Better." Phyiscally true, but mentally wrong.

"Why don't we order something for dinner instead?"

As if you weren't filled with disconcertion already, that suggestion signs, seals, and stamps the envelope set to be sent to the fucking psyche ward for your admission. Were you so inadequate now that you couldn't even cook a simple meal? Apparently so.

"O-Okay."

Alexia frowns and comes back over with alcohol wipes, antiseptic cream, and a box of plasters, placing her items on the table and gently tapping your chin to get you to look up at her.

"I love you, you know that?"

The words fell from her lips before she could stop them. Alexia maybe wasn't the most emotionally helpful person ever but she sure did try. She thought her saying that would comfort at least a small part of you, but she couldn't be more wrong. It planted the seed of an unforgivable idea in your head.

The realisation of what you had to do poured over you like cold water, washing away every ounce of the little remaining hope and positivity you had. A feeling akin to mourning settled in your heart, accompanied by the debilitating weight of this twisted entity in your mind seeping into your bones. Your body strained under the heaviness of it all, unable to capacitate for the burden of living life like this, only confirming that the thing you must do was your only solution. Your lower lip quivered as the thought consumed you, the devil in your head chanting it over and over and over and o-

"I do know." Your lips tug into a smile but your throat bobs to conceal the sobs bubbling at the surface. "I know that. I love you too."

For the remaining time you had with her, you would make sure she knew that too.

"Let's get you cleaned up, hm?"

It's silent between you both as she delicately cleans the wound before applying cream and wrapping it up in bandages. It's silent as she leads you to the sofa, silent as she ordered your meal for you from one of the common takeaways you always got together. It's silent as you wait for it to come. It's less silent when Alexia turns on Netflix and opts for a new TV show for you both to watch together. It's still fairly silent even as you sit beside her, back stiff and straight beside the woman whose heart you were soon to break.

Alexia has never loathed quietness more than she does right now. It was an occurrence she valued at any other point in her life; watching football, reading, studying a game, relaxing in a post-match bath, going on a solitary walk to gain some peace of mind. But here, in this moment beside you, her skin crawls at the unbearable stillness of the room. Sure, she did enjoy silence with you too, but it felt like the unavoidable elephant in the room was stomping on her heart with every beat of her heart. There was a hidden agenda in the belly of the beast attacking her, and for some reason it felt like she was running out of time to put out the fire.

Her spiralling was interrupted when the buzzer of your apartment rang through the room, letting you know there was someone outside of the apartment complex without a fob to enter the building. Alexia reluctantly gets up from the sofa to let them in and hovers by the door to wait for the delivery driver to find your flat. She keeps her eyes on you, subtly watching you attentively, but even if she stood face-to-face with you, noses touching and breaths mingling, you wouldn't have a clue she was there. Your senses were incredibly warped and you were so far detached from reality, it felt like you and Alexia were two worlds apart.

What's at stake right now is something that's much bigger than the both of you. The dynamic around you may as well have a 'fragile: handle with care' sticker slapped on it, except, even that wouldn't have stopped the hands of the puppets controlling the world from acting so cruelly. You'd taken constant blows for quite some time now with no respite. Just as you started to recover from one punch, another would come to hit you square in the face.

"Hey." Alexia lightly knocks on your forehead with her knuckle. Every concerned glance from the woman in front of you felt like a jab at your body, slowly working you down until you gave in. "You are here, but you are not here."

You blink gormlessly up at her, your shoulders lifting in a careless shrug before you took back control of your mind.

"Food's here?" You force a smile, taking the paper bag from her hand and walking on shaking legs to the kitchen. You get plates and cutlery out, dishing up your meals before joining Alexia back on the couch, the taller woman now the one seemingly stuck in her head. "Ale, your meal."

"Ah, thank you." She leans in to quickly kiss your cheek when you sit beside her again.

The blonde woman has one more trick up her sleeve to try and bring you out of your shell, and it's one she hardly ever played.

Immediately, she begins to babble on about her day and her teammates and her family and whatever new antics Mapi and the youngsters had got up to, going abnormally overboard with the amount of anecdotes she was spewing out. Everybody knew Alexia was not a talkative person, and she only ever acted like this when she was in a rare giddy mood. And that really was rare.

The Alexia on display so far tonight was not in a giddy mood. She was happy, of course she was, but factor in the concern she'd shown for you tonight and the giddiness she had not portrayed at all even recently, something was off. It threw you completely off-kilter, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why she was doing this.

"I'll tell my Dad about us tomorrow." You blurted out, interrupting another of her rambles. It's kind of the truth, not all of it, and it's not the biggest decision you've made for yourself tonight, but you owed her something at least for putting up with you.

"Que?" She frowns. Out of all things she'd expected you to say tonight, that wasn't one of them.

"You're talking a lot because you want to know why I'm acting weird. It's because I'm thinking about telling my Dad about us, I'm scared to do it but you told Eli so I'll tell my Dad." You explained, pushing your food around your plate as Alexia processes your words for a moment.

"You don't have to do that if you don't want to. I don't mind, I know things haven't been... haven't been great between you both since your Mu-"

"Okay, but he's still my Dad." You cut her off again. You're not in the mood to discuss what she was about to bring up.

"You don't owe him anything, amor. Sure, he's your Dad, but you said it yourself only a few weeks ago; he's an idiot. No one should treat their child the way he's treated you after they've just lost their Mami."

There. She said it anyway.

"Alexia, I know you're just trying to stick up for me, but please don't go there. This has nothing to do with my Mum." Another partial lie.

The subconscious, realistic part of you knows every issue you've had in the last two years has everything to do with... her. But right now, the impulsive side that has been at the forefront of your mind ever since it happened wants to blame everything on the world around you and not your flaws that you've ignored all this time. Anyone could see that your refusal to sit with your grief and just feel was your Achilles' heel.

"Okay. I'm sorry for mentioning it. But I am absolutely on your side, amor, I'm always on your side. So if you want to tell your Dad, tell him. If you want me there next to you or if you want me out of the country whilst you do it, then I'll do it. I will do whatever you want me to." Alexia tells you, her voice pleading as earnest swirled around the eyes that bore down into you.

Well, you thought, that's good to know.

"Thank you." You smile ever so slightly, dropping your fork and placing a hand on her leg. You squeeze her knee three times, one more chance for her to understand the love you held for her.

"De nada, amor. Now eat up, please."

The pair of you spent the rest of the evening delicately dancing around the untamed elephant from earlier whose patience was wearing thin at the prospect of going entirely avoided for the night. Conversation topics were kept light, finally giving you a brief reprieve from the onslaught of your mind, and Alexia kept her arms tight as they wrapped around you. It was as if with each breath you let out or with each twitch of your body, she held on tighter and tighter, every hint of movement from you a reminder of your presence and how much she ineffably adored you.

Yet, the sun began to set, indicating that it was almost time for Alexia to leave for the night. She had to get up early tomorrow whilst you had the day off, and initially Alexia always agreed that when this was the case, you should sleep separately so that you could rest. However, as she collected her bag and slipped on her shoes, she kept her movements purposely slow to delay her departure. The last thing she wanted to do was leave you alone.

"Are you sure you will be okay tonight?" Alexia sighs, a reluctant hand on the door handle.

"I'll be okay." You answer simply, hesitating for a moment to decide on your goodbye gesture, before settling for a lone kiss on the cheek.

"Call me, immediately, if that changes. If you wake up in the night and need me, I will be straight here. If you call me in the middle of training, I will be straight here. Please. Don't suffer on your own."

Oh Alexia. If only you weren't so late.

"Everything will be okay, Ale." You tell her, desperately trying to disguise the emotion threatening to break through. "Te veo pronto, sí?"

"Sí. I love you." Alexia smiles, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead, then opening the door.

"I know." Is all you can say now to that declaration. And fuck, if Alexia hadn't felt so uneasy in her life after that.

Somehow, you managed to sleep that night. Maybe it was your body allowing you to build up all the strength you need for the day ahead, because your life was about to be irreversibly changed. And the worst was yet to come.

"Hi Dad." You murmur quietly from your place in the corner of your sofa, legs tucked underneath you as you pitifully hold onto a cushion for comfort.

"Well, it's been a while since I've heard from you." The man on the other side of the phone chuckles spitefully. "Remembered who I was again?"

"Hm. How have you been?" The best way to deal with such a man was to ignore his behaviour, in the hopes he dropped the act when you didn't give a reaction. Perhaps you underestimated him.

"That's a loaded question, you know that. It's all everyone asks nowadays and I'm fucking sick of it." He grumbled, and for the first time in a while it sounded like his anger wasn't directed at you.

"I do know that." You stated.

"So why ask then? Still as dense as ever, I see."

Okay, well, clearly you judged him too soon.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." You mumble insecurely, a frown settling on your face as you try to hold back the emotions you knew would spill out sooner rather than later.

"Don't lie to me." He snapped through gritted teeth. "You couldn't give a shit about me if your life depended on it. Be honest and tell me what you want, I have better things to do than talk to you."

"I... I have a girlfriend, Dad. Here in Barcelona, I've met someone." You reveal with a hint of a smile on your face.

All morning, you'd been in over your head on whether to tell him about Alexia. Part of you thought it was futile since you had already decided on your future with her, or rather, the lack thereof. But the naïve and childish part of you painfully thought he could be happy. That wasn't a concept this man had understood as of late, so it was a wonder why you'd thought he'd be happy for you. Especially given his latest behaviour, and his long-standing opinion on your sexuality. If only your Mother was here.

"Wow. Because I couldn't give you the life you want after your Mum left-" he could never say the true reason for her absence out loud, "-you look for it elsewhere? What did I tell you about doing that? A home can't be a person, kiddo, you need to stop looking for that. Your Mother wasn't home, I'm not home, this new 'girlfriend' isn't home, a person cannot be a fucking home! You're just desperate to fill in the love that's absent in the death of your Mother. Get a fucking grip of yourself and get over it, this 'girlfriend' business. You know your Mum would never have stood for this."

Silence.

Of all the words in the world, across all languages and cultures, over all periods of time, there was only one description to be used of how you felt right now. In your little flat in the heart of Barcelona, cowering in the corner of the couch, you felt suffocated. Any semblance of clarity, peace, hope, love - suffocated, by the words of your father, by the events that had changed you for the worse throughout your life, by the burden of simply just living.

Except, the words 'living' and 'simply' could never be used in the same sentence, because that wasn't a possibility. Every aspect of human nature wasn't simple, that's the beauty in it. The thousands of tiny mechanical functions in your body that allow you to breathe, the hundreds of muscles exerting themselves daily for one small step, the twitches and spasms of nerve endings to feel just a little alive. And despite it only requiring thirteen miniscule muscles to smile compared to forty-seven to frown, the latter felt so much easier. The weight of a smile had never seemed so damning, so suffocating.

The promise of life was a unique one, that's common knowledge and yes, life is beautiful, but any glorification of the struggle of living was inefficacious, nothing could extinguish the flame of the fire inside of your mind that was already uncontrollably burning through your self-preservation. No promise of light one day shining in your world again was worth it; you were merely a shadow of the people you loved.

"Okay Dad." You choke out. Even uttering one word was such a fucking exhausting challenge. "I... I planned on breaking up with her anyway. I think I want to come home."

You expected the feeling of verbalising your plans to be freeing, but the gravity of what you were going to do grounded you so humbly it almost almost stopped your heart entirely.

"Wow, I mean, if I had known that you would listen to my opinion and follow my advice so quick, I would have given it more often." He laughed maliciously, his way of celebrating your fall from grace.

"Can I come home?" You can't stop yourself in time from asking that question in such a begging tone. Another victory for him.

"I don't think that's a good idea, sweetheart. If you're that desperate, maybe stay with your grandparents. Perhaps they'll want you." He sighed as he said it as if he was in a rush, acting like speaking to his daughter was such a chore. "Listen kiddo, you done now? I've gotta go."

"Yep, I'm done. Can I see you if I come home?" The question was paired with a hasty swipe away of tears as if the man hundreds of miles away could see them.

"Oh honey. You fascinate me. You're at danger of almost being interesting now, you know that?" He laughed once more at his own words before hanging up.

Silence again. Such a plaguing thing.

The weight of the conversation you just had collapsed down on you, a whirlwind of emotions surging through you as a result of it. Each beat of your heart served as a reminder of every word spat at you from the man you once thought held all the love you had to give, the thump against your chest echoing his disappointment and distaste for you. A daughter's love for their father was undoubtedly one of the most dangerous things to themselves, proving that point yourself as you mentally scrambled to find a way to mend the fractured bond, yet each time coming up empty, feeling powerless and minute in the face of your father's disappointment. Every response from that man carved deep wounds of guilt and regret into every crevice of your mind.

Behind a facade of stoicism, a torrent of emotions fulminated throughout your body - a spiteful mix of every insecurity, every doubt, every shattered dream, it all coming together to form the final piece of the puzzle that was needed to make the decision to break out of your life. There was no other choice.

Outwardly, there wasn't a hint of such breakage shown anywhere on your body. And that's how it had to be, that's how you had to be. Completely numb to it all until you had escaped this turmoil.

By 2pm, everything was different.

Flight booked. Every suitcase you owned bursting at the seams, waiting by the door. Apartment tenancy ripped up. Your resignation handed in to your work. Every bit of furniture, every little trinket, all of it ready to be left behind. Despite it all, the most heartbreaking symbol of your new start, was the cardboard box of Alexia's belongings sat in the passenger seat of your car as you drove, waiting to be dropped off discreetly outside her door.

Your life was the perfect image to sum up how quick things can change. Twenty-four hours ago, you were walking to the local supermarket to pick up the stuff to make a perfect meal for you and your girlfriend to eat and have a quiet, relaxed evening together. Now? You were driving to said girlfriend's apartment, equipped with the words to tear your lives apart.

Oh, how things change.

In the blink of an eye, you were parked up outside her apartment building. You had the key to her apartment in your hand and the code to enter the complex memorised for one more use. You failed to notice her car parked in her usual space as you walked through the car park. The heaviness of the box was nothing compared to the heaviness in your chest of what you were about to do.

Ears ringing, eyes blurred with unshed tears, throat burning and constricted, your bones aching under the weight of purely just existing, all of it immensely overwhelming. But you were numb still. Numb and out of tune with your feelings, because you had to be. Otherwise, all of this couldn't happen. There was no way any of this would be possible if you just listened to what your heart wanted. No, that devil on your shoulder had gotten its way once again.

"Oh, what are you doing here?"

Fuck.

You had truly done it this time, because here Alexia was, standing in the doorway of her apartment as you froze at the sight of her.

"What are you doing here?" You ask frantically, desperately praying for her attention to be anywhere but the box of her stuff in your arms.

"Well, this is my apartment, amor. I just got back from training but I left my phone in my car." Alexia answers, an eyebrow raised down at you. Of course she'd catch on that something was wrong. She always did. It was one of the things you loved her for. "What's this? Are you a delivery driver now?"

She laughs to herself as she says it, taking the box from your arms and placing it on the floor. You're still stuck to the spot, eyes wide in fear at what she was about to find, and your heart thumps angrily against your chest in protest, trying to get you to react in some way. But it's too late. Alexia has already opened the box and began to read the letter in there before you could stop her.

The smile on her face immediately dissipates at the first line.

"To Ale, I'm sorry... what do you mean?" She asks, glancing up at you briefly before continuing to read it.

That's when your body finally decides to react. You slowly back away from the woman in front of you, but Alexia grabs your wrist tightly to stop you from running away.

"No, you will not leave my sight right now. Explain this fucking letter, what is going on?" Alexia attempts to sound commanding, but there's a certain glisten to her eyes and a lump in her throat. "What is going on? Tell me, now, please."

"I... I'm sorry, Alexia." You croak out, rushing to wipe the tears already falling with the sleeve of your sweater. "I am sorry, you have to know that."

"Sorry about what!?" Alexia shouts, then takes a deep breath to compose herself momentarily. "Come inside, sit down, and please can we talk?"

"Everything I have to say is in the letter, Alexia, I-"

"No, no it is not. This letter is hardly a whole page. You've come to my apartment with a box of my stuff and a letter that starts with the words 'I'm sorry', I'm not letting you leave." Alexia says, and you have no choice but to listen to her. However, she softens for a moment, and the lost look on her face tugs on every one of your heart strings. She takes one of your hands and squeezes it three times, resulting in another stream of tears from yourself. "Please. Whatever is going on, give us a chance to solve it. I need you to explain what's happened so I can help you, amor. Please."

You relent easily, forever at her mercy, and follow her into her apartment. She leaves the stacked box by the front door, completely unbothered by it - in fact, she doesn't ever want to look inside it if this conversation goes the way she thinks it'll go. She's kicking herself mentally, her mind already skimming over every interaction she's had with you recently, desperately trying to plot a point in time where your attitude had changed. It's easy for her to do so, the moment jumps out almost immediately. If only she hadn't been so scared, so cautious, maybe she could have solved this before it was too late.

"What do you want me to say, Ale?" You sigh exasperatedly as you sit on the edge of her sofa, eyes fixated on your fidgeting hands.

"What do I want you to say? Amor, I want you to be honest and explain why you're sorry, why you've come over with all my stuff, why you've written me this letter. It's all come out of nowhere, I have no idea what's going on and I just want you to clue me in. Yesterday we were laughing together and having a nice evening, and now you're... I don't even want to say it." Alexia laughs nervously as she speaks, her shoulder stuck up in a shrug as her hands gesture eratically.

"It's okay, I'll say it for you." Your false facade takes over, body armoured with a hard exterior. "I'm leaving, Ale. I'm leaving Barcelona, leaving Spain."

To hear you say those words were perhaps the greatest pain Alexia has ever felt in her life.

"Leaving... leaving me?" She whispers quietly, the question punctuated with a gulp as she swallows her emotions.

She sounds eerily similar to a young, innocent child who's just lost all they've ever known. It makes you wonder for a brief second if you're a sick individual for causing such pain, but you shun those thoughts away for a later date, because right now you need all the feigned courage you can muster up.

"Yes." The ease with which you say it sends shivers down her spine. It's the hardest sentence you've ever had to say, and it's just one word - once more an example of how life can never be conformed to simplicity.

"Why are you being so cold? This is not the woman I know." Alexia practically pleads, inching closer to you on the sofa. Her hands land on your knees, but you're too far in to back out now.

"I don't know who I am anymore, Alexia. I need time and space to figure my shit out, that's what is best for me right now and that's why I have to go." She scoffs in your face once you've finished, and that's the moment this conversation goes far more downhill you could have expected.

"What about me? What about what's best for me? You're leaving me behind!"

"Leaving you behind? You're acting like a sad dog that I've just abandoned in the middle of nowhere! You were perfectly fine in your life, your very successful and established life might I add, before I came along and you'll be better off without me!" You snap back. This is not the direction you thought this would go. "Why can't you accept the fact I need to leave?"

"Because I fucking love you! I love you and I don't want to live a life that doesn't have you in it! But maybe I should grow out of that opinion since it seems so easy for you to turn off your feelings for me, so easy for you to be so selfish at the flick of a switch."

"Selfish? I'm being selfish?" You repeat her words back to her with an outraged laughter that sounds all too familiar to you. Is this who you've turned into? "I'm being selfish for choosing what's best for me? I'm being selfish for wanting to take time on my own to figure my life out? I'm being selfish for wanting to take time to grieve my own, dead Mother?"

Alexia's face falls as soon as those words come out of your mouth. Never in her life had a sentence caused such a visceral reaction from her because it feels like someone's just plunged a dagger right into her heart. She'd been too panicked, too focused, on her own feelings to even wonder why you had made this decision. She had been the selfish one for jumping to conclusions and now her lethal arguments had completely tanked the conversation. The possibility that there was no coming back from her vicious assumptions instilled a deeper, darker fear in her than she had ever felt in her life.

"No, no, I didn't-" She begins to dig herself out of the hole she finds herself in, but you're in no mood to entertain her begging.

"Good one. Really funny, that." You stand up and go to walk away, but not without one last attempt from Alexia to stop you.

"I didn't mean that, I swear, I am just so confused and scared and-"

"Do you not think I'm scared too? This will be the second time I've uprooted my life and regretted everything I have ever done. I'm terrified to leave, terrified to find out what's waiting for me at home, terrified to figure maybe this is all I am and that there's no better side of myself to find." Your voice trembles with a mix of fear and fury. "I've realised that throughout our whole relationship, from the moment I stepped into this country, I've been someone that I'm not. Losing my Mum was losing the biggest part of myself, and everything I've done from then 'til now has just been a poor attempt at filling in the hole in my heart-"

"S-so, what, you're saying our relationship was fake?" Alexia splutters out. You pause at her words, completely caught off-guard by her utterly stupid and inept fight back.

"That's what you caught from all that?" You ask, dumbfounded. "Right. Because it's always about you, Alexia, isn't it? This whole conversation has just been you talking about yourself. Have you even properly heard what I've said? Have you read more than the first line of my letter?" The guilty look on her face says it all. "That's what I thought."

"But I... I know what it's like to lose a parent, amor, I can help you!"

"Wow. For the sake of us both, don't go there, Alexia. Don't." You fix her a warning glare, shaking your arm out of the grasp of her hand.

"You can't leave. You can't, I won't let you. It's not right." She speaks sternly again now, a final plea for your relationship.

"Oh, fuck off Alexia. You have the emotional maturity of a teenage boy. I'm done with this now. Good luck at the World Cup this summer."

You walk out and slam her door shut without looking back.

Alexia's life had just taken a nosedive, because a breakup was absolutely not on her agenda for the day. The hand that had grabbed your arm earlier tingled with the stain of your touch and certain areas of the room were tainted by the lingering scent of your perfume. One conversation and you had vanished from her life - an excruciating result caused by her own incompetency to act like a decent human being.

For some time after you had left, she had been stuck rooted to her sofa, her mental temporarily ruined by the events of the day. A traumatic event had occurred, this was a natural reaction, to go into shock. To be so damaged by something that all she could do was sit and be consciously unconscious to the world around her until her body and mind could recover.

There was one phrase that ran circles around her mind. It isn't fair. What that defiance was directed at, she wasn't so sure yet. At first it had been you, but as the clouds cleared a little, it was obvious that it wasn't. Despite her words earlier and how accusing they came out, she didn't blame you. Not one bit. No, her anger was aimed at the so called 'fate' bullshit that everyone championed so often. How can people praise such a phenomenon when it had brought so much evil into people's lives? It felt like everything came at the price of something, and that's not fair.

For Alexia? It felt like her career came with the price of her Father. Everything she had done was because of him, and he couldn't even be here to see it. No, because fate or destiny or whatever other nickname it had, had taken that opportunity away from her. It isn't fair. For you? If anyone asked you, in the future when you're in your rocking chair, a knitted blanket draped over you and the waves of the ocean lapping away in front of your eyes, you'd say that in this period of time you had gained the world for the price of your soul. This dichotomy of good and evil sometimes felt like it wasn't worth the fight because in cases like this, it just wasn't fair.

The realisation of it all left a sour taste in Alexia's mouth. But something seemed to snap in her, some higher power finally giving her a backbone, and she sprung into action. You didn't deserve any of the stuff that had happened to you, and she sure as hell wasn't going to be another name on that list. One of her worst fears, a view shared by all of humanity, was to remember someone she loved in such a gut-wrenchingly awful way that it tarnished her entire memory of them. That's something she couldn't do with you. If you were to end this, it had to be on good terms.

So, she grabbed her keys and headed down to her car, where her phone still was. Alexia was a determined woman; when she put her mind to something, she got it done. This would be no different.

Call after call, after call, after call, came through on your phone from the one woman you probably least expected. There was only so long you could hold her off because, after all, you were once in a relationship with the woman, meaning you got a front row seat to her persistance.

"Hi, uh, Alexia. What do you want?" You say when you answer, finally.

"We have to talk more." Alexia rushes out quickly, for lack of better words and composure.

"I don't know if I want that after what happened earlier." You state in a defensive tone. But secretly, you craved nothing more.

"I know, and I am so so sorry for all that. It was so selfish and awful of me, I regretted every word that came out of my mouth the second I said it. I just... can we talk again? Please?" She begs, her hand fidgeting against the steering wheel of her car as tears silently rolled down her cheeks. "I would hate myself if I didn't at least try for this, amor, let me try."

"The decision is final, Ale, you can't change it. I'm sorry. You said yesterday that you would do whatever I wanted you to do. Well, this is what I need you to do, Alexia. I need you to let me go."

"Okay." Alexia squeezes her eyes shut, tears spilling out the corners, and her clenched fist comes to rest against her forehead. "Can I see you one more time? So I can properly apologise? I have no other intentions than that, I promise. I just... I can't remember you that way. I can't remember us in the way we left it. It doesn't give us as people any respect and it does not do justice to the beauty of our relationship."

That was the tipping point for you. There's the woman you love.

"Okay." You smile and sit up in your bed where you previously lay in a cocoon of your own pity. "How about we meet on neutral grounds this time?"

"Let's do that." Alexia responds, and you can hear the smile in her voice.

Some time later, you found yourself walking along the promenade of the beach, looking for where Alexia said she was seated on one of the benches. It was a chilly evening with no help from the sea, so you had your hands tucked into your coat pockets and your chin hidden under the zip of your coat. Alexia had spotted you long ago, a content smile on her face at the all too familiar sight of you and your distaste for the cold. You recognise her soon after, taking a deep breath before approaching her.

"Hi." You mumble, muffled by your jacket and the wind whipping around you. Alexia hears it of course.

"Hi. Sit down, please?" Alexia taps her hand on the wooden slats of the bench beside her, and you quickly follow suit. "I, uh... got you this."

She hands over a takeaway cup of hot chocolate. Your favourite.

"Thank you. Something to keep my hands warm." You say, happy to see her laugh quietly and nod.

"Exactly why I got it."

The pair of you sit in silence for a while, encapsulated by the serenity of the sky and the elegance of the ocean. Strangely, you realise, the two things resemble you and Alexia. Two things of beauty that never quite meet, never quite mend, just a parallel that reflects each other. You can't tell if that's a horrifying allusion or a calming one.

"So, what's this then, a... a post-mortem of our relationship?" You joke, giggling when Alexia scrunches her nose at the suggestion.

"I mean... you could say that." She shudders as she says it, not quite at peace with the new revelation. She's not sure she ever will be.

"I have to go, Alexia. I... it's so hard leaving you behind. It's the hardest decision I've ever made, but it's one I have to make. I hope you know that."

"I do. I do know that. I want you to know I understand. I'll never be... content with it, but... it's a necessary evil." Alexia has her eyes cast down on her coffee cup, fiddling with the lid. You notice and take hold of one of her hands, intertwining your fingers perhaps for one final time.

"It is. I've got no energy to fight anymore. I need to sit with my emotions and all that shit," You pause as you sigh dramatically, making her laugh once more. "So that I can figure out who I am after all this. Doing that whilst in a relationship isn't fair on either of us. It'll only lead to something more soul destroying, no matter how hard this conversation is."

"I know." Alexia purses her lips and nods, finding the strength to look at you. A genuine smile breaks out onto her face. "I had a feeling something was wrong a little while ago. I guess I'm just... angry. That I can't solve it."

"I'm angry that I can't solve it." You repeat, a sad smile on your face. "There's just a lot wrong with me, I think. And I can't burden you with it all. I have a lot of baggage I drag along and there's an awful lot of cracks in my mind-"

"There's cracks in everything, amor, that's how the light shines in."

You had half a mind to berate her for interrupting you again, but you find yourself at a loss for words. Why were you leaving this woman again?

"I'll value you forever, Ale. Nothing could make me change that, even if we left things at what happened before. You're the most astounding person I've ever met, and even when I'm breaking your heart, you still treat me better than anyone else. If we forget what happened at your apartment." You tease, the both of you chuckling lightly.

"It's hard to hate you when you're breaking my heart so gently." Alexia states. "I'll always love you. It's probably not the right thing to say but it's the truth."

"No, I... I'll always love you too." You respond, absolutely certain. Despite the predicament you both find yourselves in, Alexia finds every bit of relief and closure she could ever need in that one simple sentence.

"When do you... when do you leave?" She asks with a sniffle.

"I fly out later tonight." You answer quietly.

"Will you come back one day?" It's the one thing she knows she probably shouldn't say, but she can't resist. She has to know.

"I don't know, to be honest." She turns away and nods slowly. You squeeze her hands three times.

"If you do, will you let me know?"

You can't promise her that, and she knows it.

"I will." You smile softly up at her.

You both fall into silence once more. This one feels a little less suffocating than those of the past. There's still so much more to say, but as your head falls to rest on Alexia's shoulder and you both look out at the view that had been the background of your relationship, neither of you can name a reason to interrupt the peace that's settled. It's perhaps more peace than either of you had felt in a long time.

The thing is, about the ocean and the sky, is that they do meet. They're one and the same in their own essence, and in the distance, they do eventually meet. And the sun will rise again. Two inevitable occurrences that form at the hands of a little thing called fate. Or destiny. Or whatever it is.

[twilghtkoo]

ride: rendezvous [part two] jjk

“where we going?” “you’ll see.”

summary. you’re having one of the worst days so jungkook takes you to his favorite place

pairings. biker!jungkook x reader (f)

genres/aus. fluff, comfort, s2l, f2l, college au

warnings. slight peek of popular!jk, reader has anxiety, mentions of a panic attack

word count.

notes. this series is in chronological order so this is a bit after their first date!! a scene that i wrote is inspired by a tiktok i saw 🛐 guys i was deadass when i said i keep seeing motorcycle tiktoks on my fyp T__T it was so random but my brain somehow connected it to jungkook, anyway !!! stream still with you and likes/reblogs are appreciated >_<

[ series masterpost | masterlist | taglist ]

—

you failed.

you failed the test.

you stared at your laptop screen, the big, bold, red colored fifty-nine almost mocking you in a sense. if the nine grew a pair of eyes and a mouth it’d be laughing at you right now.

you don’t get it. you’ve studied for this test, knowing it’d play a big part in your overall grade, and you still managed to flunk it.

tears started to form, blurring your vision, before you remember that you’re in the library that occupy other fellow students that don’t need to see a mental breakdown and a forming anxiety attack. even though they probably would’ve understood. you shut your laptop and shove the electronic inside your bag, standing up to push your chair in to make your way to the exit doors.

jungkook isn’t here with you today. he was working on a project with a couple of his classmates somewhere on campus, you can’t remember his text.

and although you wish you could just dial his number and cry to him, you don’t. no matter how bad your chest is tightening. instead, just taking the bus home and already deciding to have a crying session with your pillows.

-

“see you later jeon.”

jungkook waves one last time to namjoon and taehyung, his classmates, before he heads in the opposite direction. shoving his hands in the front of his jean pockets as he takes his time to walk to the campus’s parking garage.

he can feel the stares of the people who pass by but he ignores them.

he’s reminded of the one girl who’s been on his mind and he pulls his phone out to see if he’s gotten any notifications from you. but there’s none.

that’s strange. he pouts at his screen, only a few notifications being emails from his teachers and some from social media. but they don’t speak out to him the way yours do. he’s familiar with your schedule so he knows you’re out of class already. you usually text him to tell him how your class went and spam his tiktok with a dozen of tiktoks— he watches them all by the way.

before he concerns any further, his phone dings and he freezes.

“oh, jungkook!” a girl shouts from behind him, waving to get his attention. quickly glancing at her before he starts to pick up his pace. is she from one of his classes? he can’t remember.

he gives a tight lipped smile before he starts jogging. “can’t talk right now.”

yn 👑

ur out of class aren’t u, can u come over? ;-;

-

you got home about an hour ago and you still haven’t broke down. the heavy weight on your chest was becoming too much, but why won’t your body let you give out.

you groan out loud, turning over on your bed and clutching your plushie that looks like it’s been through hell and back— you’ve had it since you were a kid, okay— tighter against your chest. hoping it’ll ease the pain in your chest.

the familiar roar of a motorcycle awakens you and you’re quick to hop on your feet and rush to your door.

by the time you open your front door jungkook was just walking towards you.

“hey princess, eager to see me?” he chuckles, brushing back the strands of hair from his forehead with his tatted hand. it’s the same strands that have you itch to brush them yourself. an action that seemed too intimate, you weren’t sure if you could handle that. but you wanted to test the waters.

not trusting what you would say if you opened your mouth so you nod.

“you okay? anything happened today?” he asks while stepping into your home after you told him to come in. it’s not the first he’s been inside your home, your safe space that surrounds colors, photos and a scent that screamed you.

from his questions, the tightening feeling in your chest returned and you wince.

your fists are by your sides, opening and closing.

“i think i’m okay, i don’t know. and yeah, something did happen.” you responded softly. he observes the way your eyes dodge his and lower at his feet. something was definitely clouding your mind.

he sighs. “wanna come with me somewhere? you can tell me when we get there, if you want.”

“where we going?” you ask, as you get yourself comfortable behind him, before circling your arms around him.

he kicks the kickstand off, turning his head with his helmet on. “you’ll see.” revving the throttle as you both head to your destination.

-

“a park,” you giggled. “are you healing your inner child?”

he smirks at you, helping you with your helmet. since your first date, every time you are on his bike he becomes so attentive towards you.

“no, but i thought we could go on the swings and if you’re comfortable enough you can tell me who or what made you sad.”

your eyes dance over to the vacant playground behind him and back up to his eyes that are studying yours.

“you gonna beat up somebody for me?” you joke, but his face remains the same but with amusement behind his orbs.

“yah,” you nudge his side with your finger making him break his tough side, finally breaking out into a smile. the mole under his bottom lip reveals itself and you have to fight yourself to not reach on your tippy toes and kiss the beauty mark.

he gently places a hand on your waist, pulling you along with him. “come on, i’ll push you.” he tells you, leading you to the two swings.

you sit on a swing, holding onto the rusty chains as jungkook gets behind you. the mulch underneath you both crunching from his chunky boots.

“don’t push me too hard.” you tell him, a bit scared.

he lets out a laugh, “i won’t, promise.”

jungkook and you fall into a comfortable silence as he pushes you, careful not to push you too high.

“i failed my test.” you confess, you watch your still feet pass by the scenery blur beneath you.

“and i’m mad at myself because i studied so hard for it yet i managed to fail. god, and i don’t even want to see how much it dropped my grade, i literally almost had a panic attack in the library, but i left, and i wanted to contact you but remembered you were with your classmates so i had plans to cry into my pillow and fall into a pit of self-deprecation—“

jungkook grabs hold onto the swings chains to still you. “woah, woah princess, shhh.” he comes around to crouch down in front of you.

jungkook has never comforted someone, never been in a situation where a person in front of him showed their weakness. but you’re different. the way your voice cracked before he cut you off broke something inside him. it was an act of instinct how he’s crouching in front of you, his hands wrapped around the rusty chains next to your hips. he doesn’t know the first thing on how to console someone but for you he’ll learn today.

“do you want my advice or do you want to be held?” he asks you, his eyes raking over your facial features.

you purse your lips, curling your hands into your thighs before shyly answering, “can you hug me?”

he softly chuckles before straightening his legs, his figure towering over you before he envelopes you in a hug. cradling your head close to his chest.

once you were engulfed in the boy who slowly yet managed to warm up to your heart, you let out small cries. your fingers gripping the denim fabric of his jean jacket.

“you can cry princess, i won’t ever judge you.” he mumbles, his large hand brushing your head.

you don’t want to scare him but those words make you cry harder. like you’ve always wanted to hear those words.

-

you gasp, the palm of your hand is covering your mouth as you turn to jungkook. “let’s play rock, paper, scissors.” you suggest, grinning at him.

you cocks an eyebrow, “for?”

“if i win, i get to take your spot and you have to sit behind me. but if you lose…hm..i don’t know.” you laugh.

“i really like you princess, but i won’t let you ride us to our death.”

did your brain even process his words?

you smack him on the shoulder, he doesn’t even flinch. “no, just to sit. please,” you beg, putting your hands together and poking out your bottom lip and batting your eyelashes.

jungkook observes you with a smirk. do you even know that if you weren’t begging he would have said yes to you. because you affect him in that way.

in a way he’ll do anything for you.

he scoffs, letting out sigh and bringing out his hands out of his pockets. “okay.”

-

“rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

you: paper

jungkook: scissors

“two out of three!” you exclaim.

he laughs but accepts it.

“rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

you: rock

jungkook: scissors

“rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

you: scissors

jungkook: paper

“i won, you lose!” you bring your index and middle finger to cut his imaginary paper that’s his hand before jumping up and down.

he shakes his head. “you win,” he states, taking a step closer and leaning in.

“hop on, loser.” you jog over to his parked bike, throwing your leg over the seat to sit. you lean forward to grab the hand clutches with a big smile on your face.

“vroom, vroom,” you mimic the sound of the bike coming to life in an adorable way that has jungkook turning his head so you don’t see the goofy smile on his face. the way your figure looks tiny on the seat of his usual spot compared to him. your feet can barely even touch the ground.

he reaches in the front of his pant pocket. “let me take a photo of you.” he spoke, you nod giving him permission.

he quickly snaps a few photos of you before he finally makes his way over to you. leaving a mental note to send them to you and to look over them when he gets home. with one hand placed over your hip he manages to sit behind you. his legs are placed a bit uncomfortable but he doesn’t complain, instead he grabs your waist and squeezes it.

you let out a breathy laugh, “we look so silly right now. my feet can’t even touch the ground.” you wiggle your feet in front of you.

“what if i got a bike?” you ask, dipping your toes in the water. you would never get a bike, but you want to see his reaction.

he shakes his head, the wavy strands framing his face swaying left and right. “definitely not. bikes are dangerous, plus princesses can’t ride bikes.” he tries to reason with you.

you pout your lips, “princess peach does.” you mutter.

he scoffs, “babe, this isn’t mario kart silly. and, i enjoy having you as my backpack.”

[kamegori]

❝ Chapter Two – A random Waking!  ❞

TWST x KAngel! reader [ she / they pronouns used]

SUMMARY — Going to the mall, out on a date but you forgot something at the bus stop and you have to go back and grab it but it leads you somewhere else..

WARNINGS – view the MASTERLIST for the full warnings! separation, smoking, panic attacks(?), mentions of stitching humans together, yandere(?), implied sexual intercourse, swearing, animal gets hit by a stick and some rocks(but it's fine! I think), implied drug taking 

A/N — Twisted world, if I were in there I would be panicking and crying tbh.

❝ [Master.list] ❞

❝ Wake up, (name) ❞ you heard their voice, you open your eyes and saw them leaving some clothes on the table.

❝ I made breakfast ❞ you heard them say, you watch as they smile at you.

Their lovely hair and face were beautiful as always.

They kissed your forehead and left the room, you got up and washed your face. You made sure you were still cute as always. You smiled as you fixed your hair.

❝ Humm ❞ you could hear humming, or maybe it was you humming or them you can't tell. You really didn't care anyways, it sounded good.

You sat down as you began eating, maybe you should talk about breakfast? Breakfast club or doing a cooking stream? You weren't sure if they were good ideas or not. Maybe you would just have luck on your date, more ideas or if you have none just steal ideas I mean you could make other people's ideas better!

❝ We are leaving in a few hours, I just wanted to you to eat first.. ❞ you saw them smile at you, P-Chan made the best food! You put the dirty dish in the sink as you began waiting in your room. Scrolling through the media, you got bored as you had an idea. 

You remember that you and your s/o didn't do intercourse in a while, you could just pass time for that. You only could hope that they have enough stamina to keep going at least for 2-3 hours until the mall opens up.

❝ Come in here first ! ❞ you said out loud, waiting as the door opens. They smile and tilt their head to the side ❝Yes what is it? ❞ you smile as you wave them over, you said the idea of wasting time. They blushed but  had agreed to the idea.

❝ mmh..  ❞ you said as you got up from the bed smiling, you looked at the time it said ❝ Eleven o'clock  ❞ you got up and stretch as you let out a groan. You saw them lying down on the bed, tired normally you would have got them doing aftercare but I guess you could do it today.

❝ Here's a towel ❞ you said as they looked up at you, you washed their face and their body. You felt like you did something so amazing, I mean you're amazing at doing whatever which is what you like to believe.

You got up and grabbed some clothes, maybe you could find new outfits from KAngel? You placed P-Chan's clothes next to them as you got dressed, you fixed your hair and got your bag.

❝ P-Chan, get up and let's go! ❞ you said to them as you shaked their body, they got up almost falling down but you grab them  putted the clothes on the impatiently.

❝ Let's go now! ❞ you said as you got outside the lights blinded you and your eyes hurted, maybe you should go outside who knows. You walked over to the bus stop as you waited, people were talking as you stated close to the end a bit far away from them.

The bus came as you got on, you sat next to your lovely s/o of course! ❝  Their so annoying, they talk so much ❞ you said to them as you looked over to the group of girls, they kept on tapping it was getting very annoying didn't help the fact that you were next to them. You heard them talking about streamers and Kpop men.

❝ Yeah, their sure are loud ❞ you nodded your head as you sighed, watching outside the bus window. You closed your eyes for about maybe it wasn't a good idea to do "it" before leaving to the mall. Now you're tired and P-Chan is probably tired as well.

It was your stop as you rolled your eyes, you noticed that the group of girls got off the bed as well, you sighed as you walked into the mall walking beside your lover.

You began looking around for any ideas, maybe you should do a cosplay stream? Eh but who does cosplay streams, you sighed in defeat. 

❝ Just enjoy us being here, no need to work about ideas. I will come up with some ❞ you nodded your head as you began going to stores, buying stuff .

A few hours later, you got back home as you sighed in happiness. You watched as they placed your newly bought stuff away, you began touching your pockets.

❝ fuck.. I think I left my fucking lighter at the bus stop and my cigarettes ❞ you said as you gritted your teeth, they looked up at you, ❝ Oh I could go find i- ❞ you cutted them off ❝ No! I will go find it, you just put stuff away! ❞ you said as you saw it was raining out, ❝ just fucking great…  ❞ you rolled your eyes.

❝ Are you sure? I could come with you, (name) ❞ you shake your head no, as you grab a umbrella ❝ Its fine, I will be back soon! ❞ you yelled out before closing the door behind you, you walked out as you began walking towards the bus stop. You hoped that your pack and your lighter would still be there.

It would be too late and the stores that would be open are far away and there's no way you're going to walk farther than the bus stop!

You began looking around as you saw a raccoon!! Grab your pack and run into the woods, how?! You were so surprised!!

❝ Wha- Hey you dumb stealing eat! Grab it back you can't even smoke anyways! ❞ you began running after the raccoon, you grab a stick and some rocks. You forgot about your umbrella as water poured onto you. 

You went into the woods. Not caring where you are going but just following after the raccoon. You watched as the raccoon climbed a tree, you're pretty sure that you saw the raccoon blowing a raspberry at you which got you more mad.

❝ Don't blow raspberries at me!! ❞ you said as you threw a stick at it, it nearly hit the raccoon. You're sure that ugly stealing rat had laughed and pointed at you calling you a loser for missing!!

You threw some rocks and it hitted the darn thing! You smiled as the raccoon hitted the ground, you walked over to hit as you saw the raccoon with dizzy eyes, you laughed as you grabbed your pack of cigarettes making sure that none had broken to the fall.

❝ Your lucky that it didn't break! ❞ you said as you got up and looked around, great another problem…

You heard a loud sound as you grabbed some rocks and noticed that the raccoon was gone.

You saw a carriage!! ❝ What the hell! ❞ you said out loud as you backed away, how is there a feeling carriage!! You couldn't believe it when you saw a horse and it stopped right in front of you, there was no way that this was real! How?!

❝ Did I take too much? ❞ you said as you don't recall taking any, you must be seeing stuff. You walked closer to the carriage but the door opened itself! 

Your mouth was agape as you began thinking that you were on a trip right now, you got closer and touched the carriage seat.

It felt like a seat! You gasped as you tried backing away but you felt like something was pushing you on!

You got in the carriage as your door closed behind you, you tried opening the door but felt really tired. You closed your eyes as you opened it but the scenery was different, it was more dark and you could see the castle? Your eyes closed once again.

Your body felt sore as you opened your eyes, but it was pitch black. You brought your hands to your eyes as you tried running it, you opened your eyes but it was still pitch black.

You heard someone talking about something, they said,

❝ Erh, I better hurry up and find that uniform before someone spots me..❞ you heard their voice, their sounded quite annoying. You thought that some creeps kidnapped you but uniform? You sighed as you thought about something, there's no way you're at school again..

[secretwritingbullshit]

salvation

I was "saved" on 12/11/2023, at 29 years old. I put it in quotation marks as that's the date when I said the prayer and starting changing my habits, however I think Jesus has been in my heart since about May.

I've suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, it's nothing more than the basic "what if" scenario running through my head. Other times, though, I'm shaking, crying, and my body feels like it's actually processing premature death.

While on a charter bus with my husband and 50 strangers going an hour and a half into the middle of the jungle in Mexico, I had one of the bad kinds of anxiety attack. I sat in my seat desperately trying not to draw attention to myself, discretely wiping the contact tears and sitting on my hands so no one could see them shaking. Head down, I counted every fiber in my tennis shoe laces to try to ground myself again. It wasn't working. The fire in my chest was demanding to be seen. I also, however, wanted more than anything to not ruin this trip for my husband. We were on our way to see the Mayan Ruins and it was a bucket list activity for him.

I started praying. I don't go to church, I don't pray before meals or bedtime or read the bible at all. I never have. But i don't know what else to do to stop this feeling in my heart, so I pray. "Jesus, please help me. Jesus, please bring me peace in your name. Jesus, please come into my heart for my husband's sake. Please heal me. Please help me. If I am fearfully and wonderfully made, please help me live in this moment and not in the tormented world my head creates for me."

I stopped shaking. I stopped crying. I stopped feeling like I was going to die. The fire in my chest was doused with water. I laughed. I felt peace. My heart felt full. My husband and I climbed up the Mayan Ruins, walked around the jungle, and got followed by spider monkeys. It was truly one of the most amazing experiences. I knew my prayer worked, but I didn't realize how much it had worked.

Not much changed in my life after that, except I thought about God and Jesus a little more. A couple of months later, we were planning a trip to Ireland. I had a nicotine habit that dated back about 12 years. I had quit for a week, a month, even up to a year.. but always wound up with a cigarette or a vape back in my hands eventually. I was nervous about this Ireland trip as I didn't think I was capable of going nine hours on a plane with no nicotine.

Why don't I just see how long I can go today before I cave? I can start gathering data about my addiction, soo how many hours I'm at now, and hopefully work up to going 9 hours by September when we leave. Queue the immediate craving. So I start thinking, how am I going to do this? Praying worked in Mexico- maybe every time I get the craving for nicotine, I think of Jesus instead, God wouldn't want me to be damaging my lungs, maybe I can give this burden to him.

I haven't felt the need to ingest nicotine since. I was delivered from this habit by Him with more ease than I ever imagined happening. My first try just to see how many hours I could go hasn't ended yet, 172 days later.

After I realized those cravings were not coming back, I realized how impactful Jesus had been in my life. Then I had panic set in. Am I only believing Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior because it's benefiting me to do so? Is He serving my needs or am I serving His? I've now had two nearly impossible situations end in the best possible outcome for me, am I really saved? Or just selfish? Will I stop believing once my prayers stop being answered?

A few weeks later, I found myself mindlessly scrolling through facebook reels while I was supposed to be sleeping. Out of nowhere, almost all of those reels were Christian's talking about Jesus. "Micro-learning" they called it. Learning things in minute long videos to hold your attention span. I started talking to my sister about it, who is a Christian, and she told me "Jesus is seeking you out. He's surrounding you with His word, and answering your prayers. He's making an effort to be in your life. You can accept Him, He is seeking you."

That got me. He is seeking me? Is that what this is? I used to say when people asked me about religion that I couldn't choose what I believed. I just didn't believe it all and I WANTED to, but I couldn't help it. He made me believe.

Then I went to a church function with my sister. A women's study Christmas learning event. This was the night I said the prayer and got saved. A few days later- I met with my sister's pastor, Pastor Scott. He asked me about my story and I told him. He asked me very plainly- if Jesus was to come back today- would you be going to heaven or to hell?

This took me back a little, as I still had self deprecating thoughts, I still struggled to forgive myself for all that I had done in my life, and I didn't know how Jesus or God could forgive me for it. I told him yes anyway, as I knew being saved meant I was going to heaven. The FEELING of it just wasn't there yet. He told me to start reading the bible, and to start with John.

I actually started reading- I'm very bad at discipline, but I started reading. I then understood I wasn't only believing in Him because my prayers were being answered. Jesus was showing me He is the son of Father God the same way He showed everyone when He walked on earth. He was leaving the 99 to come get me. He was helping me believe the things I couldn't choose to believe. He was giving me my salvation, and I now FEEL hat it's like to be saved.

I feel the Holy Spirit in me all the time. Pointing out to me when I commit sins that I don't think about. Reminding me to love everyone the way Jesus loves me. Taking care of my body, keeping in His word, and fighting His fight. I have discipline I never had before. I have peace I never had before. It's growing.

So even if you don't believe. Even if you don't feel it, it doesn't make sense, or you are out of escapes. Pray anyway. Over and over, as many times as it takes. And I believe Jesus will change the unchangeable things in your life too. Nothing is too big for him.

[the-gift-of-submission]

Inside a Submissives Soul -

Dear Diary -

This weekend is going to be a local spent weekend and a relatively relaxed one hopefully. He picks me up after I've gotten home to get ready, I always pack the night before so it is just a quick shower and get ready. We order a pizza to collect after picking a few bits of shopping to have some meals in the van over the weekend. On collecting our pizza, we head to the canal to get parked up and settled for the night. He sets out the table top, we sit, chat and munch through our dinner. We talk about alsort, experiences, food and drink, general conversation etc. Once we have eaten and cleared away we get snug to chill and chat a little while longer

The first day of the weekend, my family want some time at a cocktail bar in the city so we have a lazy morning. We have some play, my lips, his member, his fingers between my legs. We get ready, mainly in the van however I am able to use my family's house to wash dry and style my hair. It's fairly cold out so we are dressed fairly casual to be comfortable but still nice enough to look pretty. He approves of me. Today he meets my family, he is ever so good with them as they are him too. I'm happy to see this, I'm glad things go well and we all have a great time. After several drinks, lot of chit chat and giggles, we head back to our home time. We used the bus too and from the city as it's easier, walked back to my families house, had a warm drink made and then headed back to the van to settle for the night. Despite a nice night, he is fairly low, I understand and we snuggle close until he sleeps then I fall sleep knowing he has drifted.

In the morning I am greeted with his hands over me to him wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in close, his lips meet my lips, we kiss. I love waking up next to him, I can't wait for the day it becomes permanent and we are slowly working towards that. His Sunday morning b***j** is something not only he enjoys but something I very much enjoy too. In my position, side on to him, he is able to reach under and feel between my legs. It isn't long before I am able to reach climax, I often do whilst sucking him, something about the oral excites me greatly and under the right conditions, I will release in using my mouth on him. He bulges and releases himself, his warm drink filling my throat for a chilly morning. So very yum.

After getting up and sorted, we moved on to get a bacon sandwich and a warm cup of tea and coffee. We didn't have much planned, we went for a drive and thought about somewhere to have food. As we arrived at a place that would be nice to try, he was low already and I felt myself fill with so much anxiety I started to have a panic attack. Filled with so much worry, fear and uncertainty about what is happening from one day to the next, I couldn't control my emotions and I became angry, almost lashing out at him, I contained myself as much as I felt I could but I wanted to take it out in myself. I always end up attacking myself, I don't want to lash out on those I love. He tried to comfort me, I tried to help me rationalise, more than anything, he stayed with me.

He had sat beside me for some time as I went through the anxiety attack, he got out and came around to me on the passenger side and pulled me in to hold me tight. I cried, cried some more. I hate feeling like this and it isn't fair on him either. As I calmed he settled me into my seat again and returned to his side to drive us back to the canal where we were able to sit and snuggle. As we spent time close to one another, he and I just being together was enough. He began to tease me with his fingers, which lead me to wanting more, I always want more but he resisted. I took this badly and went into Catharsis after being high from him using his fingers. I felt so rejected even though he wasn't trying to reject me.

There is so much going on in my head, in his head. I cried again and cried some more. He held me, I held him and we held eachother tightly. He talks to me through my troubled internal conflict and eventually I settle but we are to end our weekend again on what feels like a low because I can't cope and neither can he. We do our best to stay strong, wipe away eachothers tears and head back to our reality yet again.

We met again midweek, both of us feeling low. We haven't played much recently in b.d.s.m and kink terms, dont get me wrong, the traits are always there when we are intimate, the Dominant in him is always there, he is just softer, sensual and gentler more often than not at present. He isn't one to pose as an Alpha, he is simply Dominant and knows how to behave appropriately as such. He is also able to facilitate things that may not be something that he enjoys but he is happy to accommodate under the right circumstances. My submissive nature is always there too, always following his lead, listening for his request, suggestion, instruction, order etc. I am always wanting to be presentable and open to him. I am very much exploring various parts of my submissive nature and what it means for me but I also know I have a very long way to go before I potentially figure myself out, if I ever do figure myself out.

We spend quality time together, going out and about, wandering having mini adventures which I love immensely. Any time with him is time more than just well spent. We are intimate almost always, not just on a sexual level but in the way we are close, always making contact in some way. It's what I need, what I want and it very much seems the same for him too. The connection, the chemistry is strong between us, our passion is powerfully uniting. I am incredibly lucky to have him here with me. We will get past the hurt, our inner turmoil and despair will fade in time, one day, we will just have eachother, nothing else will matter.

[knoxvillesjackass]

overworked - j.k

a/n! this story was written with the intent of the reader and johnny having a larger age gap. although it's not mentioned, just thought i'd let you know!

warning! mentions of panic attacks and stress

𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔, ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑢𝑝𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑒𝑥𝑎𝑚, 𝑠𝑐𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑜𝑦𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑.

words; 1.287

In the six hours I’d spent in the library, I must’ve dozed off countless times.

Not for that long each time, but enough to wake up confused and demented.

Considering how much I hated the library of my university, it was strange how it, out of all places, was the only place where I could ever truly concentrate.

The shelves were always dusty, and the place was usually a little crowded.

I looked out of the window and sighed. There was a heavy downpour. The April sky was grey and the sun was gone.

I flipped the page of my book, pushed my glasses further up my nose, and yawned. My whole body was screaming at me, begging me for a break, but I ignored the voice completely and tried to push through.

I’d studied non-stop for weeks on end.

I was two exams away from achieving my Master Of Science degree, and I’d worked my butt off to get there.

It had taken me four long years of hard work and dedication, volunteering and working long hours, and finally, I was almost there. The end was so close, I could nearly taste it, yet it felt so far away.

I looked up from my page and sighed. The stack of books was getting smaller. Only two to go.

It was getting dark outside, and the library was slowly clearing out. After all; who would want to spend their Friday night in a library?

I felt like a complete loser and wondered what all of my girlfriends were doing. They were probably all out clubbing, dressed to the nines, having the time of their lives.

I held my breath behind my pursed lips and attempted to make sense of the words on my book page, but it all looked like gibberish.

I could feel my eyelids start to get droopy, and as I was about to reach for my coffee, which had now gone cold, I heard someone call out my name.

“Y/N?”

I looked up. Right beside me, stood Johnny.

“Hey, darling,” Johnny smiled and crouched down.

He placed a soothing hand on my back, and I looked up at him with a tired gaze.

“Why are you here?” I asked and attempted to sound as polite as possible.

“I wanted to pick you up from work,” Johnny smiled.

He grabbed my hand which was resting on the table and squeezed it gently.

I smiled tiredly and watched Johnny's eyes fill with hope, guilt spreading in my veins, knowing I had to let him down.

“I can’t, Johnny. I’m sorry. I’ll just take the bus later,” I declined and watched as Johnny raised his eyebrow in confusion.

I looked down and retrieved my focus back to reading.

“It’s 11 PM on a Friday, Y/N. You’re not taking the bus,” Johnny began to raise his voice, but he managed to collect himself before speaking up again.

“How about we just go home, and you can come back tomorrow?” Johnny suggested and stood up from his crouched position. He grabbed my hand in an attempt to help me up from my chair, but I didn’t move.

“I can’t, Johnny,” I spoke through curled lips and sighed. My voice was shaky but stern and determined.

“I need to study,” I stated coldly and removed my hand from Johnny's.

“Y/N, I’m not leaving without you,”

I scoffed at Johnny and furrowed my eyebrows.

“You’ve studied enough today. You need a break,” Johnny scolded me with a stern tone, and I cringed at the manner of his voice. He removed his sunglasses and placed them on the top of his silver-like hair.

Johnny hardly ever got angry, but when he did, it was no joke.

Johnny removed his hands from my back and crossed his muscular arms over his chest.

“I’ll catch a bus later. It’s fine,” I stiffened up and shook my head.

A sigh left Johnny's lips, and I noticed that heads were starting to turn in the library.

He was only worried, and I knew that. He understood that I took my job as a scientist seriously, and he respected it.

He’d never gotten angry at me for missing out on dates, or even birthdays. But when he started noticing changes in my day to day routine, he started to get concerned. I wasn’t eating as much and I was practically only surviving on caffeine.

“You’re not taking the bus alone, Y/N. And I swear to God; I will carry you out of here myself.”

His threats seemed empty, but when he bent down and reached for me, I realised that he was serious.

“I’ll walk, alright?” I whispered loudly and huffed in annoyance. I looked up at Johnny and rolled my eyes in rage. I picked up my heavy stack of books and pushed them against Johnny's chest, so he could carry them.

I put on my jacket as we walked through the silent library, Johnny following closely behind me.

The air was cold and damp as I made my way towards the parking lot, where I had spotted Johnny's truck parked.

I reached the car before Johnny, and I watched with crossed arms as he hurried to unlock the car, and as soon as he did, I crawled into the passenger seat and slammed the door hard, something which he hated.

I put on my seat belt and stared straight ahead, completely quiet as Johnny started the engine and drove off home.

Our silence was only broken when we’d arrived home and walked into our apartment.

“I understand that it’s stressful, Y/N, b-”

“You don’t understand, though! Because if you did, you would let me do my job, and not barge in and humiliate me in front of complete strangers!” My voice was hoarse and shaky.

“You’re not yourself, Y/N! I just want to help you, baby.”

Johnny walked toward me but I stepped away.

“No! No, this isn’t right! I can’t study, because I can’t think. Because I can’t sleep!” I breathed heavily and felt hot tears stream down my warm cheeks.

“I feel like my heart is jumping out of my chest-”

I had no time to finish my sentence before Johnny engulfed me in a warm hug. Usually, I would give in, but something felt wrong.

“No, I-It feels like I can’t breathe. Like I’m going to die.”

I was in a full-blown panic attack, but Johnny only pulled me closer to his warm chest. Maybe it was the sound of his heart, or perhaps it was the rhythm that allowed me to calm down and find peace.

“I’m so sorry you feel this way.”

Johnny looked down at me with warm eyes.

“You need a break, my love.”

I looked up and realised that Johnny was right about everything.

This was just another stupid exam. I’d passed all of my other ones with flying colours, so why should this one be an exception?

“I-I’m sorry for yelling at you, Johnny. It wasn’t your fault,” I smiled and reached up to place a passionate kiss on Johnny's warm lips.

I sniffed and thought I smelled something familiar. Garlic?

“You smell a bit like-”

“Like garlic? I know,” Johnny chuckled. He grabbed my hand and led me toward the kitchen.

The kitchen was illuminated by lit candles and soft jazz music flowed from the speakers, filling the room with a calm, romantic atmosphere.

The table was set with two plates, both decorated with the most amazing-looking pasta I’d ever seen.

“I hope this will help you unwind,” Johnny smiled and pulled out a chair for me.

All my worries were long gone, packed away for another rainy day.

[longlivefanfic-net]

Gentle With Me (Steve Harrington Comfort/Smut)

Summary: You get a bad grade back on a test you had studied really hard for, and Steve ends up seeing you have a panic attack. He takes care of you, and afterwards the two of you talk about what you’re feeling. You decide that your body needs to be reminded that it’s worthy of love, and Steve puts his mouth to use. 

Content: Steve Harrington/You, Steve Harrington/afab reader, oral (female receiving), fingering (female receiving), panic attack, anxiety, Comforting Steve Harrington. anyway. he's my babygirl and I love him ur honor. 

Word count: 5.7k

A/N: me like a week ago: ugh I just don't have time to write as much as I want to anymore!! me today: what's up who wants Steve Harrington comfort smut

It had been building under your skin all day–well, since this morning when you had gotten your test handed back, face down on your desk. You had flipped it excitedly, certain you already knew what score would be written at the top; your jaw had gone slack when you saw the numbers in the top corner. You had studied so hard, had truly felt prepared when you sat for the exam, had been sure you had made your highest grade of the class so far. 

The score in the top corner–as well as the scattered marks covering your own writing–had made your heart sink in your chest. Your eyes had welled immediately, a knot forming in your stomach. The nausea had swept through your body like a fever, your lungs tightening as you swallowed against the bile in your throat. 

It wasn’t that the grade mattered that much–you were a good student, generally, and this wouldn’t really be that bad to your overall grade in the class. It was more just the feeling of…well, the feeling of failing. The feeling that you had done your best and it suddenly wasn’t good enough. The feeling that maybe you weren’t good enough. It rippled under your skin, burning through your veins as that voice buried in the back of your head said over and over, “you’re just not good enough, you’re never going to live up to people’s expectations, your best is someone else’s worst, failure, failure, you’re a failure.” 

You had pushed it down, though. Shuffled those echoing words aside so you could hear your teacher’s voice, taking notes as best as you could with the heavy feeling of discontent in your stomach. Had gotten through the entire day just slightly disoriented, mostly keeping your head down and speaking only when necessary. But the day was finally almost blissfully over. You shoved the double doors of the school building open, a flat palm against cool metal that you barely registered. 

You made a beeline for the bus stop, backpack slung across your shoulder and feet feeling heavy as you prepared for the long ride that would eventually bring you some privacy where you could give vent to the feelings boiling so close to the surface. “Baby!” You stopped, your feet halting as your body recognized the voice before your mind did. “Baby! Over here!” You turned, seeking out the face that matched that voice–that loud, excited, smooth voice. 

There he was. At the front of the building, waving excitedly from the front seat of his car, was Steve Harrington. Normally, the sight of him–especially unexpected like this–would be the highlight of your day; just the sight of Steve usually had the ability to soothe your nerves, calming any frantic hum under your skin and making you feel like you were blissed out on a sandy beach somewhere, listening to the hush of the ocean as it fell back and forth against the shore. But today, you just felt…tired. 

The weight of the burden you had been carrying in your head all day (the burden, that voice said, you’re the real burden) was too much for you today. You mustered half a smile, dragging yourself to Steve’s car. He jumped out of the driver’s side, running to open the passenger door for you as you approached. He swept into a bow, almost mocking himself with the grin that spread over his face as he held the door open for you as you slid into the seat before he closed the door. Your unfocused eyes were on the road ahead, and you missed the look of surprise and confusion that slid over Steve’s face as you got into the car without comment. 

Steve got into the driver’s seat, pulling his seat belt across his chest as he spoke. “I thought I’d surprise you today,” he said, carefully watching your face. “Yeah, thank you, sweetheart,” you murmured, still not turning to look at him. “Hi, by the way.” You faced him, finally, your eyes momentarily wide. “Oh. Hi.” He smiled softly, his amber hair swooping gently to the side as he tilted his head. “Long day?” “Yeah,” you said, turning back around as you felt the weariness slide back over your features. “Long day.”

Steve drove you back to his empty house in silence. His parents were out of town, leaving their son free reign of their two-story home, the pool in the backyard, and the family credit card. Steve was resentful, sometimes, of the fact that he still lived with his parents–he had insisted, back when you had first started dating, that he was only staying until he had the money to move out–but it had never bothered you. Besides, the Harrington’s were out of town so often that you had practically moved into their home with Steve: a guest bedroom closet was filled with your clothes, you kept a drawer in Steve’s room with pajamas and underwear, and the two of you did weekly grocery shopping while planning out meals for the week every Saturday. 

When he shifted the car into park and you continued to stare ahead out the windshield, making no move to take your bag from the floorboard and race Steve into the house, calling back a “loser has to wash dishes!” over your shoulder, Steve turned to you. “Hey,” he said, voice tiny, running his fingers through his hair, “What happened to you today?” His voice is soft, a slight rasp to it as he almost begs you to talk to him. “What’s going on? Why are you…like this?” You blinked heavily once, twice. Why were you like this? What was wrong with you? A single bad grade and you fall apart? God, it’s pathetic–

“Hello?” Steve said, his hand coming out to gently squeeze your shoulder. You jumped, the slight contact temporarily shaking you out of the loop playing in your head. “Huh?” You asked, turning to him as your cheeks heated. “I said, what’s making you so quiet? Come on,” he whispered, “Talk to me.” You stared at Steve, at his gorgeous almond-shaped, chocolate and honey colored eyes, at his strong and confident brow, at his broad nose that sloped perfectly over his plush lips and soft, curved jaw. 

In his face–a face so beautiful that part of you believed it had been the inspiration for paintings in past lives, vaguely reminiscent of the days when people believed that beauty was a blessing from the gods–you saw more than just his good looks. You saw concern. You saw confusion. Most of all, you saw love. And that was all it took for those feelings that had been bubbling under the surface all day to spill over. 

The hot, salty tears slid down your face, slipping over your lips as they made their way to your neck. Steve’s expression slid into one of alarm and you opened your mouth, intent on reassuring him that you were alright, that you were fine, that it was nothing you couldn’t handle on your own like you always did–and, instead, a sob that shook your ribs and wrenched your heart broke out through your teeth. “Baby,” Steve said immediately, borderline frantic as he grasped your face in between his palms, scanning you top to bottom for any sign of physical hurt. “Baby, baby, what is it? Come on, baby, talk to me.”

You shook your head, crying harder as you took in the way Steve made you feel. Part of you registered that, even though it was humiliating to break down like this in front of him, you could only do so because you felt safe with him. If you had felt anything other than totally at ease with him, in the driveway of the home you had come to think of as your own, your body would still be pushing you through like it had been doing all day. Instead, you thought wirily to yourself, I just get to have a fucking mental breakdown in his car. 

Your breathing started to accelerate slightly, your lungs no longer fully expanding as you tried to force each breath down your throat. You felt the crying jag slipping closer and closer to a full-scale panic attack and you were genuinely scared, worried about how Steve would respond; would this be the thing that was too much for him, finally pushed him away completely? You couldn’t stop it though–your breath was coming too quickly now, still choking on sobs as your eyes continued to tear, and your heart raced in your chest. Steve looked at you with worry, his almond eyes widening. 

You brought your hands up, placing your fingers against his chest delicately. Steve looked down at your hands against his body, taking a moment to watch the uncontrollable shaking, then turned his face back up to look at yours. Without another word, he pulled you tight into his body, crushing you against him. His arms wrapped around your back, one over your shoulders and one around your waist, and tightened noticeably. “Okay, it’s okay,” he whispered, his voice humming against your face where you were pressed into his throat. His hands ghosted wide, gentle circles across your back as he continued to whisper to you. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart, you’re okay. Everything’s fine. Just breathe for me, babygirl. In…out. Just like that. Do it again with me, come on. In…out…in…hold your breath with me. Out. You’re doing so good for me, angel. See if you can hold it a little longer this time. In…out…in…out. You’ve got it. We’ve got it. I’ve got you.” The last word, though whispered, came out harshly, Steve slipping into his protective personality with no clear threat to protect you from. 

Your breathing slowed with Steve’s guidance, though your hands continued to shake where they were caught between chests. You could feel your pulse easing, the harsh thrum of it in your throat becoming more gentle. Finally, satisfied with the movement of your back as your breaths slowed, Steve released you and pushed you back from him slightly so he could look into your face. His hand came up to ghost his fingers over your cheek. “Okay now?” He asked. You dropped your eyes to his chest, ashamed of yourself as you nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?” “For freaking out.” “Baby.” Steve’s voice was unmistakably angry, bringing your eyes back up to his like a whip. You weren’t surprised that he was mad; it made sense, for him to be angry with you. You were a mess–it made less sense for him to love you than it did for him to be upset with you.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me right now. You didn’t do anything wrong.” You started to look back down, letting your head dip slightly, and his fingers slid under your chin, grasping your jaw and forcing it up so your eyes had to meet his. “Do you understand me?” You blinked, a slow thrum of amazement sliding through your body as you observed the passion evident in Steve’s face as he looked at you. You nodded, slowly, and he released your face. “Good,” he said. “Now let’s get inside and talk about your day.” 

Steve reached over to your side of the car, snagging your bag before opening his door and standing up. He swung it over his shoulder before turning to look at you. You sank wearily into the seat, suddenly exhausted and worn. The idea of pushing the car door open…of standing up…of walking to the front door…it was too much. You couldn’t do it; not right now. Steve cocked his head to the side, watching you. “You coming?” He asked, and you managed a faint shake of your head in return. “Tired.” 

“Okay,” Steve said, watching you with concerned eyes. “Give me a second.” He left the car suddenly, walking to the front door. He unlocked it, swinging it open wide before he turned around and came back to your side of the car. Steve pulled your door open as you watched him, reduced to nothing by the burning that had finally burst through your skin. “I got you, okay?” Steve said, and he crouched down next to the open car door. His hands slid towards you, one wrapping around your back and the other around the soft skin of the backs of your thighs. Before you could ask any questions, he pulled you into his torso and stood back up.

He carried you like that up to the house, your body too spent for you to insist on being left alone or support any of your own weight. You sagged against his broad chest, pressing your nose against the long line of his throat and taking deep breaths. He smelled like he always did: his favorite cologne, fabric softener, and the slight hint of hairspray. His scent, burrowing its way into your nose, finally let your body know it could relax, could release the last of the tension it was holding on to, and you felt your eyelids growing heavy. 

“Stevie,” you murmured as he set you down on the couch. “‘M so tired.” “I know you are, sweetheart,” he said, helping you disentangle your hands from his neck. “Sit down for me, that’s it. I’m going to get you a glass of water and something to eat, and then I need you to explain to me what happened out there. And then you can take a nap, okay? I promise.” You nodded, bleary eyed, and watched as his figure disappeared into the kitchen.

When he came back, bearing the promised glass of water and snacks, you sat forward and took the glass from his hands. You gulped the water greedily, feeling the coolness reinvigorating your body as it soaked into your exhausted bones. You sighed, handing the empty glass back to Steve, who looked at you expectantly as he settled next to you on the couch. He set the glass down, reaching behind you to draw one of his mother’s fluffy, overpriced throw blankets off the back of the couch. He spread the blanket over your legs and his own, wrapping the two of you together as he slid his arm around your waist. 

“Talk, please,” he said. You swallowed, your throat tight. “I got a test back,” you started. “And I didn’t do well.” Steve stared at you, his expression open. “Is that…all? Because, you know, I failed a lot of tests. It’s okay if you don’t, like, make a perfect grade every time.” He tilted his head to the side. “No,” you sighed, avoiding his gaze as you turned your head away. You fidgeted with your hands, watching your fingers brush over your knuckles instead of meeting his warm, open eyes. 

“It’s just–I studied really hard. And when I didn’t get the grade I wanted it made me–I felt like a failure. Like, just, a total fuck up. Like I tried so hard and it didn’t matter, like maybe nothing matters, like I can try however hard I want and I’m still not going to be fucking good enough because I’m always still, just, going to be me. And that’s not enough.” Out of the corner of your eye, Steve watched you, watched these words drop from your lips heavy like stones, watched the weight of these thoughts slip off your tongue and leave your shoulders lighter. 

“Is that everything?” “Yes,” you said. “Well–” You shook your head, stopping the words before they had the chance to embarrass you. “Tell me,” Steve commanded, and you flushed, wishing you had kept your mouth shut for once. “I…I also feel like, maybe, sometimes, I’m…a burden. To the people I love. Because I know it’s hard to love someone like me who has to be perfect all the time or they end up–they end up like this! Having a panic attack in the driveway! And that’s not fair to you or anyone else!” Steve’s fingers were on your chin before the last words left your mouth, gripping tight as he turned you to face him. “No,” he said, his voice low, the rasp from earlier harsher now. “You are not a burden. Don’t ever say that, ever again.”

You blinked, watching him with new eyes. His eyes were burning, his jaw hard as he pursed his lips slightly. You had seen Steve be protective over you, but you had never seen him protect you from yourself; he was beautiful, as usual, but instead of a gods-blessed beauty he had shifted into a scorching, almost wrathful beauty–instead of Greek demigod, you saw Steve, momentarily, as an angel whose wings had been stolen. “It is a privilege to love you. Do you understand that? I am lucky to get to know you, to touch you, to love you; loving you is not a burden to me or anyone else.” A small sound interrupted him as it broke from your throat, and he let his face come closer to yours, tightening his grip on your jaw. 

“I love you, and I am grateful every damn day I wake up that I get to.” Your breath stilled in your throat, your need to deny Steve’s words turning to ash on your tongue. Steve’s eyes peered into yours as you swallowed back the bitter taste of self-hatred, and he could see the flicker of doubt in your eyes. “Tell me you understand me,” he said, tilting his head slightly. “I understand,” you said, your voice wobbly as you stared at him with wide eyes.

His fingers let go of your chin, fingers sliding down to your lap where he grasped your hands. His face softened, his eyes still on yours. “All of this bullshit about being good enough.” Steve scoffed, rolling his eyes slightly as he leaned back. “I don’t know who you’re trying to be good enough for, but you have to know that everyone who knows you–” Steve shook his head, clearing his throat. “Hold on. This isn’t coming out right.”

He took a deep breath, focusing his eyes on your fingers intertwined with his, pulling your hands over his thighs. “You are good enough. That’s why all of the people who love you, love you. You’re already good enough for us–you don’t have to be better, or be the best person ever, or any of that. You just have to be you. That’s good enough for me, and it’s good enough for everyone else too.” 

Your throat was thick, new tears building in your eyes. “You’re not a failure,” Steve whispered, his long eyelashes fluttering against his brow as his thumb wiped under your eye gently. “And you are enough. You’re more than enough. You’re more than I ever thought I’d get,” Steve’s voice is soft, prayerlike as his own eyes mist over. “Steve,” you whisper, leaning your face into the palm of his hand still resting on your cheek. Without words, he leaned forward, gently pressing his full lips to your swollen ones. 

With the touch of his mouth to yours, an electric pulse pops through your body, zapping through the waves of exhaustion that had overpowered your body in the car. You leaned into Steve, letting your hands slide out of his and up his thighs. Gripping his hips, you lifted your chin slightly, pressing into his mouth as his jaw relaxed against yours. You opened your mouth slightly, letting your lips push his open at the same time. 

You pressed your body against Steve’s, slipping your hands under the hem of his polo shirt and up his skin. Your fingers wrapped around the sides of his torso, thumbs stroking the skin under your hands as you shifted your body. You pulled back suddenly, pushing the blanket covering your laps to the floor. Steve made a soft sound in the back of his throat, his brows crushed over his tightly closed eyes. 

He opened his eyes slowly, confusion clear in them as he looked at you as you stood up. You turned to him, bending slightly as you placed your arms around his face, gripping the back of the couch. You lifted a leg, settling it against the couch and beside his hip before bringing the other up to mimic it on his other side. You shifted your weight, straddling him as he tilted his face up to look at you. 

Any confusion on Steve’s face disappeared, replaced with a self-assured half smile that twisted his already perfectly curved lips. “Thought you were tired?” He asked, feigning innocence as he felt you settle your weight into his lap. You just shook your head, biting back a laugh as you smiled at him. “Shut up, Harrington,” you said, crushing your mouth to his. 

He was faster to react this time, his mouth already open when you touched him. His tongue was quick to slip between your lips, pressing against yours as he filled you. You tilted your head, your mouths becoming a clash of lips, teeth, tongues, as your hands slipped from the couch to his neck. You wrapped your hands in his hair, fingers twisting in dark chocolate and honeyed almond strands, and his wide palms found your waist, sliding down and back up over your curves. 

You pressed your weight into Steve’s lap almost against your will, unable to control the sudden need for closeness that buzzed through your body, begging for him to hold you, to touch you, to promise with his fingers what he had said with his words. Steve whimpered as you ground yourself into him, a slight sound that you felt vibrate against the fingers pressed into his neck. His hands slid down your waist, coming to grip the skin of your ass tightly. He kneaded the full skin there, his fingers pressing harshly into your body as you rolled your hips. 

“Is this–” Steve pulled his face back from yours, leaving your lips hot and swollen from sobs and kisses. “Is this okay?” He asked, tilting his head back and peering at you from under his heavy eyelids. His eyes were clouded with desire, mildly unfocused as he looked at you, and you knew your look was similar. You nodded, not trusting your throat to produce words the way you needed it to. “No, I mean,” Steve said, sighing slightly as he shifted your hips away from him slightly. “So soon. After the panic attack. Are you sure this is what you want to do right now?” 

Your heart thumped painfully in your chest, the fragile ribs around it the only thing keeping the tender muscle from ripping itself from your body and presenting itself to Steve like a gift. You tilted your head slightly, matching Steve’s, and felt a soft smile curve your mouth upwards. “Yes,” you said, voice soft and gentler than usual. “I love you, Steve. I want to–” you took a shaky breath, “I need to remind my body that I’m loved.” Steve blinked at you, his eyelids heavy. His bottom lip pulled slightly at the corner as he sucked it between his teeth, nodding. “Okay,” he said, “I can tell your body you’re loved.” 

With that, his hands came back to your waist but, instead of pulling you into his chest, he grabbed you tightly and shifted you off of his lap. He set you on the couch beside him, and a slight huff of unhappiness left your lips as your skin broke contact with his. Before you had time to ask him what he was doing or slip your arms back around his neck, Steve turned, angling his body over yours. One of his hands positioned itself next to your hip, pressing into the soft fabric of the couch and causing your body to dip slightly as he used it to balance himself as he rotated towards you. 

Steve slipped a thigh in between your legs, pressing a knee tight against your warm center as his other hand slid over the side of your neck. You feel your eyes widen, your face automatically tilting up towards his as he settles himself over and around you. When he leans down, his hair gently sweeping across your forehead, you smile into the kiss he plants over your lips. His mouth ghosts down over your face, brushing feather-light kisses down the side of your mouth, your jaw bone, the side of your throat, your collarbone. 

Steve’s hands are under your shirt, lifting the fabric slightly as his mouth teases the hollow of skin beside your neck, and you sit forward to let him lift the shirt up and over your head. He lets the fabric drop beside you on the couch, pooling as he returns his hands to your waist. The warmth of his fingers on your skin builds a matching blaze in your stomach, the embers of the building fire sinking southward as his mouth returns to your collarbone. His full lips dance over the skin of your chest, brushing gently at the edge of the cup of your bra as his fingers snake behind your back to unfasten it. 

The straps of your bra slide down your shoulders, and he pulls it away from your body gently, using his hands and mouth to cover the now-exposed skin of your breasts. Steve’s tongue pushes out from between his swollen lips, flicking over the perked bud in the center of your breast while his long fingers knead and twist the other. You tilt your head back, your eyes fluttering closed as your jaw falls slack, panting breaths filling the quiet between the two of you. When he scrapes his teeth over your sensitive skin, your breath comes out as a moan and you can feel his lips curve into a smile against your breast. 

Steve’s knee disappears from between your legs, leaving your damp, throbbing center with nothing to push against, and you whimper slightly. “Shh,” he murmurs against your skin, and he shifts his body so that he’s on his knees in front of you, pressing his mouth to your sternum, down your stomach as his fingers grab greedily at your hips. In seconds, you are lifting your hips, letting him pull your clothing off your body and down to the floor. His fingers lift your feet gently, slipping your shoes and then your clothes off before pressing chaste kisses to each ankle. 

When he looks back up at you, completely undressed on his parent’s couch, eyes hazy and jaw heavy with lust, bright red spots appearing over your skin where he’s mouthed at your body, hair mussed from his fingers, Steve can’t stop himself from letting an eyebrow slide up, a smile tilt his lips. In moments like this, you think you understand his old high school nickname–King Steve fits him so well, fits the pattern your heart is beating against your ribs as you watch him pull his own shirt over his head. 

When he leans back into your body, his lips fast and sloppy now as he presses wet, open mouthed kisses to your stomach and hips, you let your head fall back against the couch and your fingers ghost up to curl in his long hair again. Steve’s hands slide behind your thighs, gripping the swell of your ass before he tugs you, not un-gently, to the edge of the couch. You jerk forward, grateful for the closeness he has created as his shoulders press in between your thighs but still wide-eyed. “Steve,” you whisper, and you realize it’s the first word either of you have spoken in a while amidst the sounds of moans and panting. 

“Just let me, babygirl,” he says, taking your face in between his hands again. He brings your face to his, pressing a gentle kiss against your mouth. “Let me show you.” He pulls back from your face, and his hands slide to your shoulders to gently push you back against the couch. Steve’s head dips, and you feel his warm mouth pressing against the top of one thigh, then the other. When his hands grip your knees, sliding your legs farther open, you feel your heart racing in your chest with anticipation. 

Steve’s hair tickles where it falls across your thigh as his mouth trails down the inside of your thigh, pressing a gentle kiss where the skin dips between the swell of your thigh and your sex. When Steve replaces his lips with his teeth, biting suddenly and harshly, your thighs try to come together, closing around his head as you gasp. You relax your muscles as his teeth ease, and he pulls back slightly to run his tongue over the indents he’s left behind in your skin. 

You push a hand into his hair, pushing the long strands back and digging your nails into his scalp as his head dips to the other thigh. Steve replays the same touches, biting and soothing your soft skin on the other side, and you feel your chest rumble with a moan as you think about the matching bruises you’ll be sporting on the insides of your thighs for the next few days. His fingers slip in between your folds, sliding through the slick arousal that he’s built in your core. 

“Steve,” you whisper, not sure what you’re going to say–maybe, “you don’t have to,” or “please, God, now,”--but he cuts you off. “Don’t speak,” he says, glancing up at you from between your thighs, and you can feel his words against your throbbing need. “Just let me do this for you, sweetheart.” You hold his eyes with your own for a moment, seeing the glint of lust and passion in his, and nod slowly. “That’s my girl,” he purrs, the words slightly muffled as he presses them into your slick lips, and you feel a shudder slide up your body. 

With one last glance up at you, Steve’s mouth presses to your core, parting your swollen lips with his fingers so he can slide his tongue from your throbbing hole to the swollen bundle of nerves above it. His tongue, wide and gentle, slides over your need, forcing you to roll your hips slightly over his face. His nose brushes against your clit with the motion, and you gasp at the friction. Steve takes this as a cue, bringing his mouth up to the sensitive bead and sucking it between his lips.

 He rolls his tongue over it then around as he suckles gently. Your fingers curl, scratching his scalp as you slightly force his face closer, desperate for more, and his mouth pulls harder. You gasp, your back arching slightly, and Steve’s hand disappears from where it's been kneading the soft skin of the inside of your thigh. Two of his fingers are suddenly pressed against your hole, teasing before sliding in easily on your slick. You feel him filling you, knuckle by knuckle, as he continues to run his tongue over your swollen bud. 

When he’s up to his palm, Steve’s fingers curl slightly inside of you before he pulls back slightly, beginning to use his hand to thrust deep into the part of you that aches with how badly you want him, how badly you need him. His fingers slide against your walls, satisfying that part of your brain that’s been crying out for more, more of Steve, since your mouths first came together. Amidst your own panting and whimpers, you hear him say something, mouth still between your legs, and you push his head back from your thighs.

“Huh?” You ask, breathless as your chest expands rapidly, your cheeks hot as he looks up at you. “Love you s’much,” Steve says, and the look on his face is like he’s drunk, like he’s had one beer too many and he’s crawling into your lap in front of all of his friends, paying them no mind as he leaves sloppy kisses over your open mouth, and you feel the fire that’s been burning under you skin all day build to its peak in your chest. “‘M so lucky,” he says again, his words bringing back his earlier ones as he presses his lips to the inside of your thighs, his fingers still thrusting in and out of you with each word. “Lucky to know you,” he presses another kiss to your other thigh, “Lucky to touch you,” his mouth is against the top of your sex, “Lucky to love you.” 

He runs his tongue between your folds to ghost over your sensitive peak, bringing it back between his lips, and this time he lets his teeth scrape gently over it right as he slams his fingers deep into your body. The feeling that’s been building in your core, the tightness that has had you writhing under Steve’s touch, suddenly peaks, and your jaw drops open, your hips thrusting against his hand and mouth as your fingers grip his head. 

Steve’s fingers make smaller pushes now, gently guiding you down as he keeps his mouth in place, his tongue running over the pulsing swell in his mouth. Your muscles tighten around his fingers, gripping him as you spasm through your release. When your body finally eases, the muscles in your body loosening as your release washes through your body, Steve pulls his hand away from you, sitting back on his heels as he wipes the back of his hand over his slick chin and lips. 

You watch him, eyelids drooping with exhaustion as the bliss of your climax loosens your body. Eyes on your naked form, Steve slips his dripping fingers between his lips, letting his tongue clean them. When he’s done, he cocks his head to the side, still watching you. “Sleepy?” You just nod, the combination of the exhaustion from your earlier panic attack and the chemical release of your orgasm winning over your desire to speak. “Alright,” Steve says, standing. 

Steve sits next to you on the couch, grabbing the blanket you had thrown to the floor earlier as you had straddled him. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you in close to his chest before guiding your body to rest your face in his lap. You shift your hips farther down the couch, tucking your knees up slightly as he drapes the blanket over your body. His fingers start to slide over your hair, fingertips gently ghosting over skin still throbbing from the pressure of his mouth. “That’s my girl,” he says, quietly, and your eyelids close gently, safe in the cradle of Steve’s body. “Love you, Stevie,” you say, voice thick with sleep. “Love you, baby.”

[embe95]

Saturday

Synopsis: Mac's a good guy, okay? Well, I mean, he's the only one who cares about me... right? But then along comes Felix, who just changes everything.

Felix, again... He's just lovely to write for, idk man. This took waaaaay longer than I thought it would. And it is LONG. 6,800 words, jeepers.

Warnings: emotionally abusive relationship (reader has a toxic ex), cursing, talk of sex (not explicit) but yeah, here we are

Late again! Fuck… fuck Y/N, you can’t keep doing this!

I cover my face with a pillow, groan and stagger up quickly even though my body begs me to catch up on my sleep some more. Late… I’m late. Again. Minho is going to slice my head clean off.

Where- oh right, there…

”Y/N?” I hear his groggy voice from the messy bed. It’s covered with regret from corner to corner.

Fuck. Not again.

”Mac! You’re up!” I turn, grinning with panic, arms still flailing around to try and grab my clothes.

Mac leans up on his elbows, toned biceps flexing, hair a mess, and so it all comes back to me.

I’m at his house again. Why, why, why do I keep doing this?

I pull on my sweats, grateful that some part of me must have considered the fact that I have practice today.

This is not at all surprising. I came here after an anxiety attack and we had sex. Disappointing, yes, both as a decision and as an activity, but not surprising.

”You have practice again?” Mac’s voice sounds like a chain saw, but his tone is nonchalant. He’s gonna ask when he can see me next. I’m already bugged by the question.

”Mhmm… yeah.”

Where is the damn- oh yeah, there.

I pull my shirt on.

”When can we meet up?”

”Mac, listen, this was fun, but I don’t think-”

”Yeah, yeah, just stop. You say the same shit every time. Just face it, it’s not like you’re gonna find someone better. What we have is fine.”

”What we ha- You know what? Not now. I’m late. We’ll talk later.”

Mac’s reply ”see you tonight” rings in my ears as a disheartening taunt, a threat, a promise and, unfortunately, most likely a fact.

The city streets are filled with people who just can’t seem to understand that they are in my way and not moving quickly enough. The ride on the bus takes longer than it usually does. Seoul flies by, colours, sounds, smells all mixing together. What if I don't see Mac tonight? What if I do? Will he be angry if I'm alone? If I decide to be by myself will I end up going back anyway?

My body is tense and I check the time every few seconds, half waiting and half dreading the famous message I’m about to receive.

| What degree would you like me to set the air fryer to?

Actually, no. That one would be Minho when he’s not in his all-consuming choreographer mode, but when I’m just late for a coffee date etc. Nah, the text I’m about to get is from the team.

*Ping*

Called. It.

| Jinnie: What temp should Min set the air fryer to?

| Felix: I’ve hidden it, don’t worry

They’re hilarious.

| Y/N: eta 3 min

I’m usually late when I sleep over at Mac’s. It feels like a cycle, an unhealthy one at that. Are cycles ever positive? I digress.

We officially broke up over three months ago. Why did we do that again? Did we ever really? Bitch, please. I’m the one who called it off because I felt like there was a rhino sitting on my chest whenever we were together. But then… I don’t know. The rhino became a constant presence, and without another body close to mine it wiggles and jumps and dances. Sex is a distraction. But it’s never quite what I need. Maybe I'm the problem? Maybe I'm too much in my head? Maybe I'm bad at it? It’s more of a sport, really. At least dancing makes me sweaty and satisfied. 

Speaking of.

After what seems like 3 hours to me, the packed bus finally glides to my stop and I squeeze myself out from between two suits smelling of expensive Sauvage. The perfume stays with me as I speed to the studio on the 10th floor.

Almost there. Already sweaty.

I toss my bag and jacket, bow as deep as I can without falling over and join the warm up.

The next half an hour is grueling.

”Hey you,” Felix sighs as he slumps down next to me. He’s panting nearly as hard as me.

Thank goodness it’s not just me being out of shape, Minho is really working us today.

I wish I was focusing on him, his freckles and that incredible blonde hair that’s sticking to his forehead and neck. Instead I’m stuck staring at the luminescent rectangle in my hand, at the text underneath a number that should’ve been deleted long ago.

| Can you grab some toilet paper on your way over?

”You alright?”

”Yeah, I’m fine,” I sigh and discard the phone back into my bag. Airplane mode on, obviously, no phones during practice.

Felix stays quiet, fiddling with the strings on his hoodie.

”What’s up with Hyung today?”

”Right?” I leap at the opportunity to distract myself from the message I just received, but its effect on my mood is evident.

But Felix is his gentle self and doesn’t push it. He knows it’s not the time or place. He knows I don’t much care for talking in general.

”Break’s over! C’mon!”

We’ve been a dance team for a while, me, Felix, Hyunjin, Jisung and Elle. Three months to be exact. Minho focuses on the choreos but sometimes the formations he comes up with require pairings, and so he hops back in to where he originally began; dancing with his friends. I met them all during Minho’s classes, Hyunjin first at contemporary, Elle and Felix in street styles.

When my dear friend opened his dance school a few years back I attended it as more of a ”supportive friend” sort of thing, but ended up loving it so much there was nothing to do but become a standard fixture in Minho’s classes.

Then one September evening after a particularly sweaty contemporary class Min asked if I’d have the guts to try out for a team he was putting together. I almost started crying because of how touched I was that he wanted me to join so desperately.

It felt like magic, the way we all just clicked. We have ambition, Minho’s choreographies and just a shit-load of fun together. I didn’t even completely comprehend how far Minho’s reputation had spread before I found out that Felix had flown all the way from Australia just to attend his workshop. And now, here he is, next to me, practicing the most difficult combo I’ve ever witnessed Minho do.

I have the best time with all of them, no matter what we do. But Felix… he’s so kind and bright and pure like a fresh summer breeze. While my humor is more on the dark side (thank you, Min), we get along much better than I dared hope. My only ”problem” is that he never seems to be in a bad mood, and I don’t trust people without a dark side. He’s competitive, absolutely, and gets a little frustrated when he doesn’t learn a choreography as fast as he’d like. But according to him, when I compared his outbursts in those situations to mine or Elle’s, he just shrugged and smiled, stating that he’s a slow learner and that’s okay.

What gets him mad? What shakes him up? What makes those dark eyes darker? Maybe I'll find out some day.

”Min, one more time, please?” Elle pleads, eyes big, chest heaving, t-shirt soaked.

We four hum in agreement.

Practice runs until three pm. as agreed and I realize the rest of my Saturday is free.

Well, I mean… Mac is waiting for the toilet paper.

Minho startles me as his strong hands land on my shoulders.

"YA!" I snap and flip around.

His forehead is coated with sweat, hair sticking to it like running ink. My face expresses the distain for the previous gesture, but it's hard to keep an insulted composure when he looks at me like this; the small, mischievous smile more than familiar.

"Just coming to compliment you, but fine."

"Go on then."

"Why were you late?"

"Ha!"

My exclamation holds confidence, but as soon as Minho's eyebrows reach for the ceiling and his eyes turn worried, the façade shakes. He knows about Mac. He knows as much as I let him, but being a close friend has probably granted him the burden of seeing through my words. It's difficult to hide the calls and constant texts. And the running mascara.

"I'm here you know, just let me know if you need anything." This time his strong hand is gentle as it grips my shoulder. I nod and reach for my bag.

"Thank you, I know. It's all good."

"Why don't we have a proper movie night? Maybe some drinks?" Minho leans down to search for my gaze. Instead of waiting for my answer, he hurries towards Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix and Elle, all four of them already heading out. "You guys free tonight?"

I feel giddy from the idea of spending time with my friends.... beats having to be a delivery girl by a thousand miles. Well, that's not completely fair, I stay at Mac's house so it's only fair that I buy stuff too. But seeing my team smile and nod eagerly and immediately start making plans on what, where and when is like serotonin of a different kind. It's calmer than the energy that comes from dancing, it's more comfortable than explosive, if that makes sense.

So a plan is made: we'll all meet at Minho's house in two hours. I'll get the wine, Hyunjin is in charge of chips, Felix is on dip duty, Jisung will bring the sweets and Elle takes care of the donuts. Minho will order the pizzas.

"Hey Y/N, I uh..." Felix opens the building door for me as we all make our way out. He looks a little nervous, but I can't see why that would be the case. Did I do something to upset him today? Was I rude? Did he want to tell me off for being late again?

"I don't really need to head home, mind if I just come to your house with you and we can head to hyung's together?"

Oh. That's all? I sigh in relief and smile, both at his question and my own thought process. He's never been to my house but I don't see why that's a problem.

"Sure, yeah, let's go catch the bus."

The bus is as full as when I arrived four hours ago. Felix and I are squeezed together, chest to back at first, but I get frustrated with not being able to reply when he talks next to my ear, so I flip around after the first two stops. His neck is in my eyeline, I find his eyes by tilting my head up. I'm so happy he's not Mac.

"You don't wanna shower or anything?"

"Do I smell?" he smirks.

"No! No, that's not what I- I mean just that-"

"Calm down," Felix chuckles, his chest vibrating against mine. His tongue quickly swipes across his lips. "You have a point, I guess I didn't really think about it."

"You can shower at mine," I shrug and feel my phone buzz deep in the pocket of my hoodie. It seems irrelevant, all I'm focused on is watching Felix's cheeks and ears change color. I don't think there's any need to be shy about such things, a shower is such a normal need and I so happen to have one at my place, as well as a clean towel and some shampoo. I always have this need to make people feel at home at my apartment, even if they haven't been there before. My goal is that it's easy for them to be with me and around me if that's a space I want to give them. And Felix has more than earned his space these past months.

Why does every suit wear Sauvage nowadays?

We laugh at nothing, damn near skipping our way to the elevator.

As the doors open to reveal the end of my blissful Saturday standing in the hallway, I find myself wishing that Felix had come home with me any other night. The rhino suddenly leaps onto my torso again, begins a little jig and my feet go a little numb. Tonight sounded too good to be true anyway.

"Where have you been?"

The text from earlier... I could've prevented this. Ignore the question, he knows where I've been.

"Felix, this is Mac, Mac, this is Felix."

Mac doesn't take Felix's outstretched hand, only stares at him up and down. I want to smack his judgmental jawline.

"Oh... uh. Hey, man... what's up?" Felix uses the hand meant for a polite handshake to rub the back of his neck.

"I'm her boyfriend."

"Ex-boyfriend," I specify abruptly, sending a pleading look at Felix to... well, I don't know what.

"What are you?" the owner of the rhino asks, voice as judgmental as his expression.

This is normal. Mac never got along with any of my friends. That's how boyfriends are. Or some boyfriends. We're meant to spend time together by ourselves and then we both keep our own friends as separate entities. He didn't want me to get jealous of his pretty friends. And of course he shouldn't have to see me being happy with other guys.

I fumble with my key and feel Mac's eyes burning my skin very uncomfortably. Maybe if I take too long, Mac will leave?

"Open up, I've been here for like... ten minutes."

"You knew I had practice."

"How was I supposed to remember what time it ends?"

He hasn't remembered before, why would he now? But we didn't make plans this time, but... I did, with my teammates.

"What's he doing here?" 

Mac pushes past me into the apartment, practically shoving me against the door. Felix's arm flies behind my back to stop me from falling.

My place is small, about 25 square feet which is really all I need. I try to keep it tidy, but every corner here screams "hectic lifestyle". Felix takes off his Converse immediately which makes me smile. I probably should be embarrassed by him seeing the laundry and dishes, but who doesn't have those in their apartment? Having two guys in here though... that's a little out of the ordinary.

"Felix and I just came to swing by, we're heading to Minho's for a movie night-"

"What? I thought we were hanging out?"

"I never said that! Minho asked and we all thought it was a great idea-"

”I drove all this way to get you!”

He did. He drove the whole five blocks for me.

”I know, okay,” I sigh and cross my arms. It hurts to turn to look at Felix, whose expression is completely unfamiliar to me. But his eyes aren't on me, they're on the man currently slumping onto my couch, I hear the heels of his shoes hit the small table in front of it. I wish he wouldn't do that.

I step between them. The rhino standing on me makes it hard to move. ”I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I'll just text Minho. I’m so sorry for this Lix… dragging you here…”

Those beautiful brown eyes soften as he turns to me, it almost looks like he's reaching for me.

”You didn’t-”

”Lix? Are you a cat?” Mac laughs at his own quip.

He’s not funny, but at least he tries? I guess. But it’s not funny when it’s aimed at my friend.

”Shut up,” I reply. ”There’s no room for that with so many burgers in your name.”

Felix chuckles low and glances at me, hands in his pockets. I’m happy I make him laugh, it feels like an achieved goal. His smile falls quickly when his gaze does the same; he sees me throwing my bag over my shoulder and my feet inching back towards my discarded shoes next to the door.

”You really shouldn’t try to be funny,” the burger scoffs from the couch, grabbing a fistful of sourcream chips from the bowl on the table. I made him angry with my joke, I knew I shouldn't have said it. ”Or eat these, I thought we talked about this,” he mumbles as they turn to mush in his mouth.

He’s right, we have talked about it. Mac has said many times that he’s noticed how they make my face bloat. He’s right, I’m trying to be a good dancer, after all, I need to look the part.

I hum in response and lean down to tie my laces.

”You ready or what? What’s taking so long?”

”Almost!” I reply fast.

I return to an upright position so quick my head spins, but I have to hurry because Mac is getting impatient. I'm already mentally preparing to head for the door, when a sudden chill runs through me.

”Felix?” I stare at his expression, from the side his eyes look black. I hold out my hand, my trembling fingers reach for his arm but before they make their landing, he steps towards Mac.

”Leave.”

I’ve never heard a voice so low, it’s primitive and raw. Mac freezes in his spot, chips stilling in his mouth.

”Now.”

”Excuse me?”

”Lix, I-”

”No, I’m sorry. Excuse me. Let me be more clear.”

Felix approaches Mac slowly.

”Get off your ass, walk to the door, open it, step out of it and then close it. I don't care what the fuck you get up to after that, but leave my sight right now, or I won't be responsible for my actions.”

Mac looks at Felix, then me. His expression emits complete disbelief. I don't move for an instant, but when I see Felix's head begin to tilt to the left, his back so tense he's shaking, I'm flooded with the strength of the small army he and I form together. I stare back at my ex, eyes ablaze, and cross my arms.

Mac scoffs and stomps toward the exit.

"You're just a mess of red flags, Y/N, psycho friends and all this shit, good luck finding someone to fuck!"

The silence that follows the slammed door is deafening. My hands fall to my sides slowly, the rhino walks away. I can't stop staring at the bowl of chips next to the couch. Why shouldn't I eat those if I like them? Why should I go just because he tells me to? I can find people to fuck me, to love me... I-I think I can. Right now I think I can.

”Thank you.”

”I’m so sorry,” Felix says speedily and his voice overlaps with mine. He pulls me in for a one-sided hug. I can’t respond out of the confusion in my brain.

”Sorry? For what?”

"I know you don't need saving, I just lost it, I'm so sorry if I hurt you by treating you as someone helpless, you're not, at all!"

Only Felix could turn doing something so kind and hot and decent into something to apologize for. I reach for the sides of his head which is now buried in my shoulder. He's still shaking.

"Lix, look at me."

He does.

"You did nothing wrong, thank you. I mean it. He needed to hear that. As did I."

His lower lip trembles.

"Oh come here, silly," I pull him back to the hug he began. Arms flung around my torso tightly, we remain like that and just breathe together until I feel his vibrating muscles calm.

So, that's what he's like when he's mad. That's one of his buttons; he's protective of his friends. Interesting, sort of obvious and very fitting.

Felix has to crouch, almost fold over to have his head reach the crook of my neck. This is the first time he's ever felt tall and small simultaneously, it's endearing. I'm suddenly very conscious about the fact that I haven't showered yet when I feel his nose brush the nape of my neck. My breathing pauses from the feeling. I hope I don't smell. Why did that feel so... intimate?

His arms tighten and he inhales deeply. Shivers travel throughout my existence and I have to force out an exhale.

"Are you okay?" Felix straightens up and focuses all his attention towards my eyes. It's magnetic, I just stare back. His eyes are brown again. I've never noticed that freckle next to his eyebrow.

"Y-Yeah, I'm good..." I mumble and then realize what I said.

The rhino is actually gone. I can breathe. I test the thought in practice and start smiling, the full kind.

"I'm good. I'm good! That felt so, so good! Felix, oh my god. Thank you for standing up to Mac, oh my god, I feel okay, I really do!"

I prance and hop around my apartment, blabbering all the while. My friend laughs aloud with a bright expression, his hip to one side, weight on one leg and hands in his pockets.

"I'm happy to hear it. I'm sorry I got so angry though," he goes serious.

"No, no, I loved it!"

"Huh?"

I stop mid jump and feel like what I just blurted out is floating in front of me like a subtitle. Without knowing my thought process I can see how this could be confusing.

"He's gone," I sigh and turn to look at Felix. "He's gone, and it's good. I love that you did what would've taken me another six months of my life to finally do."

The whole team knows we started dancing together around the time me and Mac "broke up". I watch realization spread onto Lix's handsome features and wonder what it is he realized. That I was too weak to be alone? That I basically lied about the break up and that I've been seeing Mac this whole time? That I'm an idiot? That I'm pathetic?

"Has he been like that to you the whole time?" His eyes are dark again.

That's a tricky question in a sense. I really want to say he wasn't like that at first. That he changed. But maybe he was always like that and I was just too into him to see it. We disappeared from my friends' sight so quickly that no one in my social group really ever got to know him before the bigger fights began. Maybe they would've seen that he was a walking red flag.

"I'm not sure, actually. I think... it may have changed around the time he found out about my anxiety," my voice is small. I find refuge on the bed because the couch seems to still have his ass print on it. "I-I... Well, what really helps me when I get anxious, like have an attack or something, is physical contact. Mac made me feel like... I guess he made me feel like he was the only one who wants to help me. So even though I always felt heavy with him, and I did, truly, I feel so small and- well, just wrong when I'm with him it just... It felt like a better option than the wrong way I feel when I'm by myself. Whenever being alone got too much and I needed someone to hold me, hug me, touch me... love me, I'd go back to him. I guess I think it's better than being alone. And sometimes I just freeze and stare at everything this effects in my life; my family, friends, the team... I love dancing with you guys so much, but if I keep being late and just fucking everything up, I don't know what'll happen... Great, here I go. I'm sorry."

Tears have begun to run down my cheeks all the way to my hoodie. I didn't look at Felix once during my monologue, it felt so personal and self-reflective that I should've been on a leather futon in a therapist's office. All of a sudden he lands in front of me, knees colliding with the floor.

"Don't apologize, please."

Felix's hands envelope mine and he squeezes them gently. "I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this. If I'd known... He's an asshole, you don't need him. You have so many people who'd be happy to help you with whatever you need. People who adore you."

His hands protecting mine feels comforting, but there's something very exciting about his touch. I'm happy I'm crying, because it hides the real reason I think I'm shivering right now. But it's Felix... I mean it's Lee Felix, he's my friend. My teammate. I mean... have I thought about what he's hiding underneath his clothes, what he'd look like out of them and under me? Sure, yeah, of course. Obviously. But never in a serious manner. I haven't even let myself think about having a new crush. There's only been Mac. The one whose supposed to be the only one to love and take care of me... I imagine what sex would be like with everyone I dance with, I guess. How can someone who's been having sex regularly be so horny? Maybe it speaks to the satisfaction level of the activity. Or the one offering the services. I digress. What is it about Felix that makes our contact so monumental all of a sudden? 

And now I know he can get mad, his eyes do get darker. And it happened as he protected me. I loved it. It's like I've unlocked a new level.

My tears cease, the last two fall when I smile.

"Thanks, Lix, that's sweet."

"I mean it, I... We really care for you. And if you ever need company or anything, you know, just call me- or any of us!"

His eyes haven't left our joint hands once.

This would be the perfect moment to kiss him.

As if reading my mind, his eyes find mine. They're big and beautiful, glowing. He's glowing.

This is the wrong time to kiss him, or anyone. It's not fair, I'm just fragile and excited and frazzled, and anything that could happen now could just as easily be me trying to control these roaring emotions with something concrete. That something should be taking a shower, not kissing my friend.

But he's so beautiful and staring at me and just right there, looking so ready for the taking.

SHOWER, WOMAN. DO IT NOW.

My hands fly to Felix's cheeks and his eyes light up even brighter. I smack a dry kiss onto his forehead and get up clumsily.

"Thank you, you're amazing. Really, I'm so happy we're friends," I chirp, heading to the closet to grab fresh towels for us both. I toss the yellow one to him just as he's getting up, eyes now on the ground, the corners of his lips seem to curve down. He must not like forehead kisses. "Let's talk more okay, I really do want to go through this properly, but I really need a shower first. Just make yourself at home."

An accepting hum follows me to the bathroom.

I'm quick when I shower, but I'm happy that Felix took my comment to heart and relaxed enough to sit on my bed in the five minutes I spent away from the shared space. He smiles quickly and heads straight for the shower after me. The door slams shut. It feels aggressive.

Did he look sad? Mad? Annoyed? I'm not the best at going through this, deep conversations I mean. How do I express how grateful I am for what he did? I've never been in this situation, having someone kick another someone out of my apartment, having someone stand up for me. Granted, it was a coincidence Felix was here and saw Mac in action, I'm lucky to have friends who would've kicked his ass months ago if I'd given them the go-ahead. But maybe Felix wanted me to kiss him? But why would he? Would that have been a good thank you? Did he feel like I wasn't being fair? That I'd kiss someone like Mac but not him? Not Felix... surely he wouldn't- I pray he doesn't think that. He's not the guy who thinks I should "repay" him. He's not.

While my mind rolls me down this very steep hill I somehow find my way into comfortable yet clean clothes. We should really get going.

"Hey, mind if I borrow a hoodie? I didn't bring a change of clothes and would be nice to throw on something fresh."

I can't breathe, he's gorgeous, the towel flung over his other shoulder while his sweats hang low on his defined hips.

SPEAK.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, of course, that's fine."

I toss him a hoodie just like I did the towel fifteen minutes prior, he catches it just as easily. Only this time I can see the muscles that work while that movement happens.

"We should really get going."

We should, and we do. Felix is a tacit conversational partner the entire way to Minho's, mostly because I'm so nervous I'm blabbing his ears off. The quiet, very clean creature next to me doesn't seem to mind the listening role though, so I keep going until we get to Minho's apartment.

"What took you so long?" a fresh-out-of-the-shower Minho groans loudly.

"We're early!" I reply and shove a wine bottle into each of his free hands. Felix chuckles. "Jinnie, Ji and Elle aren't even here yet!"

"I'm hungry now, and I assumed you'd be earlier to make up for being late again today!"

We make our way to the kitchen.

"YA! You know I'm sorry!"

"Your apologies mean nothing to me."

"Hyung," Felix shakes his head solemnly.

Everything goes quiet. Minho's look jumps from me to Felix, obviously annoyed he doesn't understand, not knowing what he's supposed to not talk about. It's really not fair, and I don't want Felix thinking he's not allowed to talk about what happened, how he helped me.

Fine, I'll just come clean.

"I've been late because I've been sleeping over at Mac's. A-And sleeping with Mac."

Minho's eyes widen.

 "And when I do that I... I loose sense of everything else. I'm sorry, Min."

"But we're gonna help her now," Felix's soft smile makes me tear up again. "So she'll realize she doesn't need him."

I believe Felix.

"Felix kicked him out of my apartment today."

Minho's whole being brighten's up. "Really?"

"Yeah, and I'll do my best to keep him out."

"And we'll help," Min replies and reaches out his hand. "Phone."

After a moment of misplaced incredulous staring, as if I didn't know the next step was necessary, I hand it over. With a few calculated, overjoyed swipes and clicks, Minho does his part to ensure that Mac's gone. I have the best friends. The thought floats in my head like a proud flag I proudly fly, but then the door bell rings. And ten minutes later it does the same thing. And I only get more proud from there.

The rest of the night is amazing. I haven't felt this light in millenniums. The five of us indulge in wine, chips, pizza, donuts and movies. It's exactly what life should feel like. Sometimes I catch Felix staring at me. His response to our gazes connecting is either a swift redirection of his head or a goofy face. I'm sure I made him uncomfortable somehow. Maybe he thinks that I know what that thing was and wants me to not feel bad about it. Because he's kind and selfless that way. But the thing is that I don't know what the damn thing is. The drink swirling in my wine glass isn't wine, it changed into a demonic version of a Gin & Tonic two full glasses ago. It's Sprite and Gin, the two ingredients Minho has in his apartment, if you don't count milk. Which I do not. The blasphemy still goes down fairly easily, and I'm finding it harder and harder to stop staring at my beautiful, blonde savior. I need to know what made him make those faces as well as how he feels about everything that went down - and didn't go down - at my apartment.

I'm pretty sure my brain is demanding things I shouldn't really demand of him. He doesn't owe me anything, it's the other way around really. But I don't want to repay him physically. I mean I do... but only as a disguise to hide the fact I really do want to touch him and feel him. Okay, I'm going over the rails. I set down my glass, slowing down the drinking to make my thoughts calmer, but... when did I empty this? Never mind.

"Y/N-ya, it's almost one, you need to go or you're going to miss the last bus," Minho's voice rings from the kitchen. One? How can it already be one in the morning? "Wanna sleep over?" he continues after a slight pause, mouth obviously full of something. I've taken shelter in his lovely home countless times, but somehow I feel like going home. Today has been such a hurricane.

"Nah, thanks," I get up and skip to the kitchen, pulling my best friend in for a hug. "But brunch tomorrow?"

Minho nods against my shoulder. He hugs me tighter than usual. He utters the next sentences without lifting his head.

"I'm fucking glad that he's gone. I wish I'd known you were still... Anyway, call me, Felix, anyone else when you get low okay?"

My turn to move my head up and down. I hear the quietest, most fragile "I love you" before he straightens up and ruffles my hair sloppily. "Get going, or you'll have to run!"

I give Hyunjin, Jisung and Elle their goodbye squeezes, but as I'm rashly moving closer to Felix's torso on the couch, he captures my hands in his and fixes his eyes on mine, this time obviously wanting me to notice. They're slightly glossy, a little red, as is his nose. An intense feeling burns through me as his skin glues to mine, identical to this afternoon.

"I was thinking of heading out too, can I make sure you get home okay?"

I swallow and nod.

We stand about twenty feet from the bus stop as we watch the vehicle drive by, almost empty. I let out a laugh. Last night bus, cab costs an arm and a leg, walking takes an hour and it's freezing. So...

"Well, back to Minho's I guess," I rub my hands together and glance at Felix, ready to turn back to the mini party only a few minutes back the way we came. "I can wait for your bus with you if you want,  where does it-"

"I can walk, I... I live pretty close."

"But..." I mumble and stare at the imaginary Google Maps opening in my brain. "You could've just gone home to shower today then, you didn't have to come to my house. I thought you lived so far that it wouldn't have made any sense for you to..." my voice disappears when the shyest and most embarrassed smile I've ever witnessed starts to adorn his features.

"Yeah... I live like, fifteen minutes from here. I just... I don't know, I just wanted to hang out. With you."

"Why?"

Felix laughs, loud, incredulous, glancing up at the dark heavens. "Why? 'Cause you're amazing, that's why. I've been... shit, okay... I've been wanting to hang out alone with you for weeks. I've had a crush on you since- well I guess since the first time I saw you in class months ago. It was just physical at first, I think, but then we got into the same team and you just... every day you just turn out to be cooler and cooler and I've just been gathering the guts to fucking ask you out... I was going to ask today, but then we made these plans, so I just used that to try to steal a few moments alone with you. But then..."

I gulp.

"We met that asshole who made me lose my shit, and I'm still just so sorry I got angry, but I just needed to get him out, I mean, how could he talk to you like that? Treat you like that? And then when you cried and I held your hands for the first time, all I wanted to do was kiss you, and I thought you wanted the same thing, and I'm so sorry for that."

We've made our way to lean against the apartment block's stone wall side by side, eyes on the ground. But the flood of questions that take over my brain at this apology physically fling my gaze to him.

"I'm sorry I was thinking of something like that when you were so vulnerable. You obviously didn't want that, you made it really clear with how fast you left the room and how nervous you've been since... I made you uncomfortable, and I'm so, so sorry. It was never my intention. And... well, the more I think about it, the sillier the thought of you wanting to go out with me feels-"

"Why? Because you're kind? Handsome? Funny? Talented? Intelligent?" I blurt and turn to stand in front of him. "Felix..." I whisper and take his hands into mine, suddenly shy again, since I can't seem to look up. "You didn't make me uncomfortable. Not at all. The reason I did this," I repeat the forehead kiss, only slower. His body goes fully stiff. "And ran into the shower was so I wouldn't kiss you right then. It didn't feel fair."

"What do you mean?" his voice is low and hoarse, chin tilting up so his eyes reach mine. How can someone look this ethereal?

"Because... I didn't want you to think that I was only doing it because I was trying to get over Mac. I haven't let myself think about anyone else since we started going out and I... Now, I feel desperate to just forget about him and find something better. I want to believe I deserve it, it's a lot of work but because of you, what you did today, I think I can. I just... desperately need to get him out of my system. I want something more."

"You deserve it. You deserve so much," he whispers and I watch his Adam's apple bounce.

How does alcohol give me so much confidence? Four drinks ago I would've turned as red as a tomato and moved away, but now my eyes stay on the man in front of me as he slowly straightens up and is suddenly towering over my short form. But when Felix towers, it's safe and strong, not intimidating in the slightest.

"I'd like to help you think about someone else."

"I want to kiss you," I bring our hands up, placing them between our chests. "But only because I want to kiss you, Felix, not just anyone. You."

"B-But I don't want you to feel like-"

"Shh... I don't. I want you. I just don't want to hurt you, because I don't know what my heart can take at the moment, I can't promise that I'll be a good person to date right now, I-"

"What if..." Felix gently lifts my chin higher with his thumb as his voice trails off softly. "We just... kiss good night, and then I'll take you on a date tomorrow... Let's see how it goes and... take it from there. Sound good?"

"Mhm."

"Yeah?" he grins before leaning down to press his lips against mine. Right before they touch, he hesitates. He's kind. Too kind. His breath beckons me, calls for me to close the gap.

They're so soft. I need to grip hold of his hoodie just to stay upright as we melt together. Felix's hands pull me closer by my waist, I feel him crumpling up my hoodie too. He tastes like sprite, it's heavenly. The good night kiss turns into a much longer goodbye, as we slowly explore how our lips and tongues fit together. I could stay here forever. I can't remember anyone I've ever gone on a date with, dated, let alone kissed before this. It's heavenly. It's all just... heavenly.

Today, I found two things that make Felix's eyes darken. That's really exciting. They're almost black when they open as we pull away from each other, but return to the gentle chocolate shade when he smiles.

"Good night," I whisper and give him one more peck, which almost turns into a another session.

I wave shyly as I watch him disappear behind the corner. I don't know how I'll get to sleep. Or how I'm going to explain this grin that just won't. Go. Down.

The next day I have brunch with Minho, and Felix and I head to the movies in the evening. That date turns into another, and another... and another. By the time Christmas comes around, we've been together almost every day. I've found a lot of things that make Felix's eyes darken.

But since we've been together, I haven't been late to practice once. Okay, once, but that time we were late together.

[weirdkpopgirl]

Connection | Jisung Fic 1 (PT.2)

Title: Connection (part two)

Genre: Soulmate au

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1422k

Author’s Note: Here is the second part of the Jisung soulmate request. I’m sorry if this isn’t as good as it could be. But thank you for reading ^ - ^

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“Jisung-ah, what’s wrong?” The leader shook the boy lightly on the shoulder. 

“Hyung…I think my soulmate is here,” He said, still looking at his soulmate. He was afraid that he would lose her in the crowd if he looked away.

Mark gasped, “Wait, seriously? Where?”

Jisung hesitantly gestured in the direction of the girl with soft brown eyes and long, chestnut hair. He was still trying to make sense of it all. Was this real?

Did he really find you?

┈┈

You still haven’t quite fathomed the fact that the main dancer of a famous k-pop group was your soulmate. It was hard to concentrate on the performances and mini-games the guys did. But the more you thought about it, the more it all began to make sense. Dancing, schedules, being up at crazy hours. How had you not put it all together until now?

Before you knew it, the event was nearly over. The last part was letting the VIPs go up to take pictures with the members. Excitedly, Seoyeon dragged you with her to get in line.

But you struggled to be excited with her. Somehow with all the craziness that’s happened to you lately, being in this situation was not what you imagined. Jisung had definitely noticed you in the crowd. And now you were mere minutes away from being face to face.

Seoyeon lightly shook your shoulder, “(Y/n)-ah, are you not feeling well today? You look like you’re about to have a panic attack.”

You shrugged her off and smiled, trying to hide the fact that you were trying not to freak out. “Just nervous, I guess,” You said quietly, not wanting to worry your friend.

Stuck in your thoughts, you almost didn’t notice when it was your turn to go up. The members greeted you both politely as the staff members ushered you guys around to prepare for the camera. Coincidentally, you were positioned in front of Jisung.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” 

Your heart nearly leaped out of your chest when you heard him speak.

“I—um…” You stuttered, seeming to have forgotten how to form sentences.

The two of you exchanged a short glance before the cameras rolled and the photo was taken just like that. But before you could be led off the stage, Jisung slipped a piece of paper into your hand.

Understanding what he was trying to do, you crumpled the paper in your fist and opened it once you were a good distance away. The note said to meet him after the fan meeting was over. Though your hands were trembling and the apprehension was overwhelming, you told Seoyeon to go first as you were going to wait for the bus.

That was how you found yourself anxiously waiting in the lobby of the venue. After some time passed, you wondered if you were being tricked. But just as you were losing hope, a tall boy wearing a black hoodie showed up. 

“Hey. Sorry for making you wait,” He said, slightly out of breath.

“I-It’s okay,” You heard yourself say. 

You blinked a few times, hardly able to believe that Park Jisung was still in front of you. Before you were never too interested in celebrities and you’ve only become a fan of his recently. Although all his makeup was removed, and his shaggy bangs partially covered his eyes, you still felt starstruck. Which you felt slightly ashamed for being swayed so easily. He was just a normal human being at the end of the day.

Jisung suggested you guys talk somewhere that’s more private. So he brought you backstage into one of the dressing rooms. You were kind of stiff around each other, considering you were both socially awkward people.

“I think I heard your friend calling you (Y/n)?” Jisung eventually spoke first, though he was terrified. He wasn’t used to being alone with a girl. 

You tried not to look too shocked. It just felt weird to hear him say your name.

“Yeah, Kim (Y/n).”

“I guess it’s nice to know that my soulmate is a fan,” He joked, after another small silence.

You nervously fidgeted with the strap on your bag. “I actually heard you singing in your thoughts and that’s how I discovered your music.”

“Oh really?” 

He didn’t expect that. To think that he was the reason you became a fan. If you hadn’t heard him, you’d probably have an even lesser chance of finding each other.

“Yeah, I guess I should thank you,” You said.

Jisung smiled and asked what songs of theirs you liked. He watched as your eyes brightened when you answered his question. As the conversation continued on its own, both of you began to feel more relaxed around each other.

You told him you were attending a university and majoring in psychology. It now made sense to Jisung, why you spent so much time studying. On the other hand, he told you what it was like being an idol and how it can get tiring at times. Though nervous to be around each other at first, letting things flow naturally seemed to work out best for you both.

Maybe it was because you were soulmates. But the more you talked to Jisung, the more you could see yourself falling for him. He pretty much felt the same way.

┈┈

(bonus)

A few months have passed since you and Jisung found each other. Neither of you had much experience with dating, so you took things slowly. It was sort of exciting to see your bond grow. He also let you meet his members who were super loud, but supportive to you both.

One of the strangest things you two discovered was how physical affection seemed to strengthen you. For example, if you two held hands, you would feel energized for the rest of the day. 

Eventually, as you got closer, you guys learned that hugs felt even nicer. Jisung was taller than you, but he was so gentle. Hugging brought you two so much warmth and comfort, especially on tiring days. 

“You know, there’s one thing we still haven’t tried,” Jisung said to you one day. The two of you were chilling on the couch, at his dorm.

You looked up from the book in your hands and raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“You know…kissing,” He muttered, fidgeting with his phone. 

Already, you worked the courage to give each other an occasional peck on the cheek or forehead. But Jisung had been wondering how it would feel to really kiss you. He just wasn’t too sure how to go about it.

Once you understood the message, a smile crept on your face. Feeling a little daring, you locked arms with the boy next to you.

“Do you want to try and see what happens?”

Without a second thought, he nodded eagerly which slightly surprised you. How were you going to do this without blushing like crazy?

“Please don’t laugh if it turns out I’m a terrible kisser,” You said.

Jisung chuckled, “If anything, I’d be bad at it.”

Nervous laughs were exchanged, unsure of where to put your hands or which angle was best. You took a deep breath and met Jisung’s eyes, trying to ignore how fast your heart was beating right now.

“Let’s just take it slow,” You murmured. “There’s no need to rush things.”

Jisung nodded, his hands cupped your face as you placed yours atop his shoulders. To your surprise, Jisung made the first move and leaned in to kiss you. You didn’t expect kissing him to feel so soft and sweet.

It was a little messy at first, both of you being new to this. But it didn’t take long for you to adjust. You found yourself gripping a little tighter to his sweatshirt, as the kiss slowly became more passionate.

Eventually, you realized you needed to breathe. The two of you pulled away with moist lips and slightly tousled hair.

“Was it bad?” You brought yourself to ask, still a little self-conscious.

Jisung shook his head and brought you closer to him.

“I think I must just become addicted to you, (Y/n)-ah.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re soulmates isn’t it?” You leaned your head against his shoulder, wearing a shy smile.

His words were kinda cheesy. But you honestly felt the same. You felt so much stronger after you kissed, feeling like you could take on the whole world.

So consider this little experiment a success?

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part one

[pies-writes-and-more]

Karasuno boys when you wander away

Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Dachi Sawamura, Asahi Azumane, & Kageyama Tobio, all with a Fem!Reader

Warnings: probably some swearing but nothing besides that :) 

A/N: So this is somewhat based on my IRL relationship haha. I’m very bad with just walking away or getting distracted by something and always worry my partner xD thought it would make for some cute headcanons! Let me know if you’d like more!

Haikyuu Masterlist

Tsukishima had only looked away for a moment. He walked towards a fresh fruit stand, glancing at the peaches and wondering if you wanted one to snack on on the way home. He glanced back and his lips parted to ask you, but you were no where to be seen.

His lips turned into a frown, trying not to give into that small moment of panic as his eyes scanned the outside market. You were no where to be found nearby. His heart pulsed harder against his chest as his mind reminded him of that news story of girls going missing in public places. Tsukishima pushed through people, giving half-assed apologies as he thought about you being dragged away and no one noticing. How had he not noticed? How would he find you? What should he do now?

His heart raced as he continued to look for you, giving out a small yelp when he felt someone grab his hand.

“Tsukki?” You were suddenly next to him, smiling innocently up at him. “Are you okay?”

The rush of relief that came with seeing you next to him was followed with frustration. “Idiot! Where did you wander off to?” He scolded, his hand tightening on yours.

“There was a puppy,” you admitted with slight embarrassment, smiling shyly. “I just gave him a couple of pats - he looked so lonely. Everyone was ignoring him,” you explained, nodding towards an older man who was dozing off on a bench. He had a leash in his hand and a large dog sat next to his feet, eagerly watching people was if begging for someone to pet him.

Tsukishima shook his head in disbelief, “You scared me for a dog? Moron,” he grumbled, pulling you further into the market. He didn’t want to be in such a big crowd right now.

You giggled, trying not to note the redness in his ears, “Aw I’m sorry Tsukki, I didn’t mean to scare you.” You tugged on his arm gently, trying to give him an apologetic smile but he kept looking away from you.

“Whatever, get yourself lost for all I care,” he pouted slightly and you tried your best not to laugh at how such a tall boy could act like a 4 year old.

“I’ll stay with you, promise. Won’t ever leave your side!” you insisted, clutching his arm and beaming up at him.

Tsukishima glanced at your smile, noticing it looked... almost playful? “What?” He raised an eyebrow, already knowing he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“You care about me,” you teased, reaching up to poke his nose playfully. “You were worried about me because you careeee about me.” You had expected him to pull his arm away, stomp off until you apologized for making fun of him.

But instead he just rolled his eyes, flicking your forehead gently, “Maybe just a bit.”

That surprised you just a little, your heart skipping a beat or two in response, “I am sorry, Tsukki, I didn’t think I went off that far. It just got really crowded,” you told him sincerely, squeezing his hand gently. “But lucky for me! You’re so tall so it’s easy to find you!”

Tsukishima scoffed some more but blushed anyways, feeling now like he had overreacted, “Whatever. You’re buying me a snack to make it up to me, idiot.”

“Mmkay!” You beamed, the two of you roaming the market together. Tsukishima pretended like he had completely forgotten the whole thing, but you noticed that he never let go of your hand that easily after that. And he always kept you close in crowded areas.

So yeah, maybe Tsukishima Kei really did care for you.

Daichi is a calm cool collected dude. Calm. Cool. Collected. It was as if he was chanting these words in his brain, eyes frantically trying to find you. CALM COOL COLLECTED, he desperately tried to remind himself. Everything is FINE.

But that still didn’t answer the question: where the hell could you have gone off to?

It was one of the first big matches that Daichi ever invited you too and the crowds were 10x bigger than anything you’ve been to. Daichi’s whole body trembled with the idea that you were completely lost and waiting for him to find you.

“I’m sure she’s alright, Daichi! Y/N’s probably just exploring,” Asahi clapped a hand onto his friend’s shoulder, though Daichi could tell he was nervous too.

“Stop being such worry-bums,” Suga insisted, smacking both of their arms. “Y/N can be as scary as the rest of us! No one would pick on her!”

You were fully capable of dealing with things yourself, Daichi knew this. But he felt a surge of protective energy anytime he felt you needed him. “I’ll be right back,” he mumbled to his friends, his feet quickly running around the gyms to try and catch a glimpse of you.

“Daichi!” Your voice made his eyes widen, darting around to try to find you. Suddenly, he was attacked with a full on jump hug, staggering backwards to keep them upright.

“Y-Y/N! Where’ve you been?” Daichi asked with a laugh, holding you tightly and trying to avoid showing you how nervous he was.

“Coach Ukai told me Hinata left his shoes in the bus so I went to grab it before the game! Shimizu-san and Yachi were both busy so I wanted to help!” You explained, smiling up at him while holding the little bag up for him to see. Your eyes flickered over Daichi’s for a moment, noting the slight blush on his cheeks and the way he couldn’t fully meet your gaze. You couldn’t help but let out a giggle, your lips turning into a little smirk, “Were you worried about me, Daichi?” You teased and laughed as his face turned even more red.

“Well I can’t win without my lucky charm on the stands,” he chuckled, ruffling your hair.

“Oh and I just thought you liked me,” Y/N shot back with a laugh. “Didn’t know it was just cause of your game.”

You turned on your heel, starting to walk back to the gym, Daichi following while stammering out a, “I-I do liked you!” He tried to laugh off his nerves, rubbing the back of his neck as he gave you a smile, “Don’t make me all nervous before a game, love!”

You two shared some more laughs as everyone warmed up, and just before you headed to the stands, you pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. Daichi tried to play it off cool but he was wobbly the whole walk towards the team and the group of boys just laughed, all slapping his back in pride. 

Unlike the Cap’n, Asahi is not calm, cool, or collected. I mean I think he’s cool but not in this sense LOL.

Asahi and you decided to have a picnic for lunch in a nearby park. But while he was setting up, you magically disappeared and Asahi felt all of his panic just intensify.

Did you? Leave him? To be on his own? Was this your way of breaking up with him?

No, Asahi tried to convince himself, you loved him. You guys had been together for almost a year now, that’s not how you’d end thins... is it?

Maybe you got lost? Did Asahi walk a little too fast to this spot? He knew sometimes you had a hard time keeping up with his long legs but he thought you had been holding his hand this whole time.

His eyes scanned the somewhat busy park. He couldn’t find you anywhere. His heart was starting to beat way too fast and his fingers were shaking while he tried to text the other third years to ask what the hell he should do.

Suga: LOL knowing Y/N she probably saw some cute chipmunk or something and stopped to take a photo of it

Daichi: don’t worry, Asahi, she’ll probably find you soon - you’re this gigantic dude in a park. I doubt she’d lose you

That didn’t help. Now Asahi was noticing how parents and kids were specifically avoiding him. His bottom lip pouted as he wondered just what he could do to seem less intimidating. Should he sit down? No, what if you were trying to see him? Sitting would only make it harder!

Just as he was considering climbing up the nearby tree to see the park from a higher distance, you popped out from some nearby bushes, holding a few wildflowers.

“Asahi?” You blinked in surprise, finding him trying to find a foothold on the tree. “Are we... eating in the tree?”

“Y/N!” The poor boy almost knocked his head on the tree when he turned around to see you, eyes widening. He immediately ran over to you and twirled you around in a hug, “God, you scared me!” 

You quickly apologized profusely seeing how nervous he was, “I’m sorry, Asahi! I saw some pretty flowers over there and thought maybe it would be nice to decorate our tablecloth with!” You kiss his nose and cheeks over and over again trying to get him to calm down (but really that’s just making him more flustered).

The two of you share a gorgeous meal together, and you spend the rest of the day with his head in your lap and you braiding his hair, intertwining some of the flowers you found. The two of you talked about everything and anything and Asahi made sure from that day forward, he could always spot you. Any time you guys weren’t holding hands or standing next to each other, everyone noticed that Asahi’s eyes would dart over to you every now and then, whether consciously or unconsciously. 

When he got home that night, he pressed the flowers you put in his hair in a book and kept them as a keepsake. And then gave them to you in a gift for your anniversary later.

Kageyama would start feeling panic and wouldn’t even know why. The game was starting soon and something just didn’t feel right. His muscles? No… he felt in tiptop shape. He stretched a little extra today too to make sure he wasn’t feeling stiff. His stomach? No, he made sure to have some food and milk a little earlier. And he wasn’t feeling nauseous so it couldn’t be that. His hands? No, they felt perfect in fact. He was so excited for this game earlier, he had felt the anticipation running to his fingers to just set the perfect ball. So why was he feeling so uncomfortable?

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to think about what was making him feel different. His eyes scanned the crowd unconsciously before realizing what it was.

You weren’t standing up there with the rest of the Karasuno fans.

Where the hell were you?

His feet moved towards the gym doors before Ukai yelled at him, “Where the hell do you think you’re going, Kageyama? The game is staring soon!”

Kageyama’s eyes widened, noting the whole team watching him curiously. Why did Kageyama seem so nervous? He never seemed nervous.

“Don’t worry, Kageyama, with my spikes better than ever, we’re definitely going to win!” Hinata grinned, trying to lighten the tense air in the team.

“I’m not worried, just don’t be stupid on the court,” Kageyama replied, shrugging it off. But his eyes still scanned the stands. Where were you? You had said hello to the whole and wished Kageyama luck just a few minutes ago? So how come you weren’t standing up there with Coach’s friends and Yachi?

The whistle blew to indicate the game starting and Kageyama felt his stomach turn. Why was he feeling like this? You were probably fine so what did it matter?

You had been buying some milk from the nearby vending machines to make sure that Kageyama had some after his game. You knew that he had accidentally finished all the ones he had packed earlier and had been kinda crabby about it so you thought maybe it would cheer him up. You had stood in line for the vending machine for what felt like forever but it was all worth it knowing that you could throw the milk boxes into your lunch bag to keep them cool. Knowing Kageyama would be excited about it made you really happy.

As you walked back towards the gym, you could hear cheering. Your eyes widened as you realized that the game had already started and you ran towards the stands.

“Y/N! There you are!” Yachi’s smile looked oddly nervous. Not that she wasn’t normally nervous at these games, but this one seemed different. ���I think something’s wrong with Kageyama.”

Your eyes shot down to the court, seeing how stiff Kageyama looked next to everyone else. They were patting him on the back, yelling “We’ll get the next one!” and Noya screaming, “BRING IT ON!”

“He was looking for you in the stands earlier I think,” Yachi told you with a small giggle, “He looked really nervous when he couldn’t see you.”

Your heart swelled slightly, wondering if Kageyama was off his game because he hadn’t been able to see you. “Kageyama!!” You yelled from the stands, cupping your hands around your mouth. The dark haired boy’s head shot up to look at you, a sense of relief growing on his face. “You can do it!!” You screamed some more, the people on the stands behind you yelling in support.

Even from far away, you could see his lips turn upward in a smile.

Alright, you both thought to yourself. Now we can get started.

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Thursday (Part 2)

Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: panic attacks, swearing, puking, concussions, mentions of injuries/bullying, homophobia

Word count: 5,138

After school, you were sitting on the couch as you furiously typed on your keyboard at an extremely fast pace. You were on a roll with these essays, they were probably going to be finished by the time you had to go back to the school to get on the bus with the team. You figured that you could even finish Annie’s essay and get started on Sammy’s US history presentation on the sociopolitical climate of the United States in the mid twentieth century to today. However, instead of covering a variety of topics like the rubric requested you to do, you were only going to talk about the significant events that happened to the LGBT+ community starting with Stonewall and going to Obergefell v. Hodges. You were also going to go in depth about how even if there are more opportunities available and more laws set in place to protect for LGBT+ people in the present then there were in past, members of the LGBT+ community still suffer heavy discrimination in the workplace and in the public. With receipts of course, the assignment required a minimum of three pictures per slide, and the group chat was a perfect source.

After that was done, you would email Sammy’s teacher (you had her last year for US history and you knew that she had a son in the grade below you currently transitioning from female to male) that you were the one that did her project and send screenshots of Sammy calling you slurs. Luckily for you, you had receipts of her being transphobic in the past that you could also send. Everything was effortlessly falling into place for you today. 

As you were typing, the front door swung open and two overly excited fifth graders ran into the house and up the stairs. A tired Schlatt followed them. “I will never know how the hell Phil keeps up with them.” 

“I dunno, maybe because he’s already raised three kids before.”

You watched as your uncle jumped and whipped his head over towards you, his hand clutching his chest. He lightly glared at you, “christ kid don’t do that, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

You smirked at him before turning back to your laptop to continue typing the essay. You were almost done with the conclusion paragraph on Annie’s essay and you wanted to get to Sammy’s presentation as fast as possible. As you were typing, you felt a warm air fan across your neck and your uncle’s voice right next to your ear, “whatcha typin?”

You lept off the couch and almost fell into the coffee table before steadying yourself and deadpanning at Schlatt. “I was typing an essay before you interrupted me.”

He snorted, “it looked like you were on a roll, just thought I’d see what my beloved niece was writing. Can I read it?” 

Your eyes lit up as an excited grin split your cheeks, “yeah, but lemme catch you up real quick. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie got mad at me a few days ago and wanted me to do some homework for them as a sort of payment. But after they pulled that little stunt in the lunchroom yesterday, they decided to be little bitches to me and call me slurs. So naturally, I decided to change the essay prompt into an in depth analysis about discrimination LGBT people face from their peers on the daily. My english teacher’s really against homophobia and the project’s worth twenty five percent of our overall grade, so it’s perfect.”

While you were rambling on and on about your detailed plot for revenge, Schlatt couldn’t help but be proud of the person you’d become. A major part of him was impressed that you came up with a detailed plan so quickly, that meant that his cunning nature was rubbing off on you and that made him ecstatic. Sure you mentioning not being straight was new to him, but he was prepared to accept you for whatever you identified as. He didn’t care how people identified, he just cared if they were good people. And his niece was one of the best kids he knew. He’d let your slip up slide for now until you felt comfortable enough to properly come out to him. 

“That an amazing plan, fuckin brilliant. Though, you could do more.”

That piqued your interest, “I’m listening.”

“Do you have any blackmail?”

Your eyes glinted with sudden understanding, “why yes I do, uncle dearest. I just so happen to have thousands of texts from them talking shit about each other and basically the entire school. And them being incredibly racist. They would be destroyed if that came out.” 

“Two things. One, never call me that again. Two, perfect. Keep it as leverage if they try to do something. You don’t pull out all the good cards in the first round, you wait for the right moment to strike so you can win. You need to constantly defend yourself against other players and anticipate their every move. If you leak everything right now, you won’t have anything to use against them if they have something up their sleeve you didn’t know about. Patience is key in things like this.”

You absorbed every single word that came out of his mouth like it was the holy gospel. Although he was your uncle and you loved him with all your heart, but he was a sly bastard when he wanted to be. He knew his way around fighting and manipulating people just right, so you were incredibly happy that you were on his good side and he absolutely adored you. Though questionable and morally gray, he was giving you advice because he cared about you and you’d be an idiot to not heed his advice. 

“That’s genius, Uncle Schlatt. What would I do without you?”

“You’d get along just fine without me, you would’ve gotten there eventually. You’re smart. I’m just givin you a little push in the right direction.”

“I honestly would’ve never thought about waiting, I was so dead set on getting revenge that I would’ve just leaked everything all at once. I want them to feel how I felt when they were around me. I-” you paused. Would this make you the same as them? You’d be screwing up all their grades, Adrian’s job, and Sammy’s athletic career. You came to the chilling realization that you’d be the same as them. You’d be as manipulative as they were. “...Uncle Schlatt, would that make me the same as them?”

“Fuck no! You’re always gonna be better than them no matter what. When they’re at their best, you’re always gonna be a whole lot better than them. They deserve what’s happening to them, it sounds like they put you through so much shit the past few years. I actually think you could do a whole lot worse to them if you’re willing to put more work in, but it’s your plan and if you think that what you’re doing is too much,” he darkly chuckled, “you wouldn’t like my idea.”

“You’re right, they deserve everything I have planned for them. God, I don’t know what I was thinking, ‘would that make me the same as them,’” you mocked what you said earlier, “what a load of shit. Anyways, thanks Uncle Schlatt. I’m gonna get back to writing this. They’re due tomorrow and I wanna finish as much as I can before I have to go.”

“Alright, whaddya want for dinner? Phil’s gonna be like thirty minutes late from work so I’m cookin tonight.”

Oh no. No, no, no, no. That man can barley cook boxed mac n cheese, let alone anything else. He’d burn down the house if you left him alone in the kitchen with the stove. “On second thought, why don’t I help you with dinner? We can make some chicken alfredo.”

“Awe, you’d rather hang out with me than finish your homework? Ya really do love me. C’mon let’s start.”

The process of making dinner was… interesting. Multiple times, Schlatt almost spilled boiling water on himself and he even managed to burn the pasta while it was in the water. How he even managed to do that you’d never find out, you had your back turned cutting up vegetables and herbs at the time. That was when you subtly started to take over in the kitchen, giving him smaller tasks while you handled everything else. You felt bad for Tubbo, his father can’t cook for shit. 

By time you finished, about an hour passed and Philza had come home and changed out of his work clothes. The two adults sat at the table discussing something that you didn’t pay attention to while your brothers and cousin were in the living room waiting for you to finish dinner. Finally, you set the table and it was time to eat. 

Because you couldn’t have many fatty foods before any matches or practices, you had made a separate plate for yourself that only had plain pasta, chicken, and broccoli. You were surprised with how well it turned out, you were following an iffy recipe you found on the first link Google brought up. 

After dinner, you went upstairs to put your uniform on and pack a little bag full of things you might need: a small blanket, some snacks, a water bottle, and a portable charger. Oh, and fuzzy socks and a pair of crocs. You could never go wrong with fuzzy socks and crocs. Feeling a vibration in your pocket, you pulled out your phone.

Hales : )

(Y/n), I’m omw to your house

Gonna give you a ride to the school

(Y/n)

Hales you don’t have to give me a ride, I can drive

Hales : )

Don’t care

Omw, be there in like 7 mins

You swiped out of yours and her conversation and opened up the family group chat

(Y/n)

I don’t need a ride to the school, Haley’s giving me one

She’s gonna give me a ride home too

Dadza

Alright, thank her for me

Tell her I said good luck too!

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do

Dadza

(Y/n), do everything he wouldn’t do

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Fuck you I’m a good influence

Dadza

You’re really not

Wilby

^^^^

Technology Sword

^

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Fuck all of you 

You heard Haley’s car pull into the driveway and dashed out of your room with your bag. Just as you put your hand on the doorknob, a hand stopped you.

“Coat.”

You grumbled as you reached past Philza to grab your coat. After you slipped it on, you were pulled into a hug. “You’re gonna do great out there. I know you’re gonna win this, we’ll be watching in the stands.”

“Damn right she’s gonna do good, she’s my niece after all.”

Schlatt pulled you away from your father’s hug and tried to ruffle your hair before you swatted away his hand, “don’t. You have no idea how long it took me to get a perfect ponytail. I have an ungodly amount of hairspray and bobby pins in my hair right now.”

“Fine. You’re gonna kick their asses tonight.”

Tommy and Tubbo pushed past Schlatt and both tackled you into a hug making you stumble slightly back. 

“Kick their asses good (y/n)!” Tommy cheered, making you crack up before one stern glance from Philza completely stopped you. “Tommy, don’t say that. (Y/n), not funny.”

“Alright, Haley’s waiting for me. I gotta go, love you guys!” As you turned to walk through the door, you could hear your family following you and shouting “good luck”. You felt heat creep up on your cheeks as Haley rolled down her window and wove at your family with the biggest grin on her face. 

“Thank you! We’re gonna take home the gold for sure!”

You hopped in her car as she rolled up the window and chuckled. “I love your family, they’re always so full of energy. It’s refreshing to see compared to how boring my family is.”

You glanced at your entire family gathered on the front porch. Tommy and Tubbo were practically vibrating with excitement, Wilbur and Techno calmly smiled and wove at you, Philza was grinning widely at you as you saw his mouth forming words that you couldn’t hear or read, and Schlatt was grinning cheekily at you. You raised your hand to wave at them as they vanished from view when Haley pulled out of your driveway. You smiled softly, “I love em too.”

The car ride was relatively quick with the same soft indie pop music floating from the speakers and an easy going conversation with Haley about the match tonight. You both thought that you could beat the other team if everyone focused 100% and played exactly like you guys did in practices. If everyone did that, you would be unstoppable. 

Luckily for you and Haley, you were the first ones in line to board the bus so you two got the back seat with Zara and Jazzy sitting across from you guys. The hour long bus ride passed quickly and lively with you four passing around your phone and playing some mad libs, you were sure that by the end of the last game you four were laughing and crying. Sometime in the middle of the trip, you noticed that Haley would start to lean on your shoulder and continuously glance at you as she laughed. You desperately wanted to believe that it was because she liked you, but she was straight and she was your best friend. She was probably trying to make sure you were having a good time. 

When the team had gotten to the opposing school and left the locker room to stretch in the gym, you could hear your family start to scream your and Haley’s names from the front row next to you, Tommy and Tubbo being the loudest amongst them with Philza trying to get them to quiet down so you could focus. You felt your cheeks heat up as you smiled at them and Haley wove enthusiastically back at them. Zara was laughing at you two. Stretching went by in a flash and before you knew it, you were on the court facing the opposing team. 

The first match was won by the opposing team by five points. The second match stretched on and on until it was won by your team narrowly by two points. The team was going to have to shape up in the third match if you guys wanted a chance at winning, the opposing team was good. Before the third match started, Coach Williams called for a time out so you guys could talk about strategy. Before Haley could go back onto the court, you pulled her aside.

“Hales, we need to do what we practiced. The other team won’t be expecting it at all, I’ve been setting you up this entire game. They’re never going to expect you setting me up for a spike.”

“When are we going to do it though? We need a better plan.”

“I’m sure the opportunity will come and both of us will recognize it. We just can’t do it too early in the game though, that’ll ruin their surprise.”

“(Y/n), I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“When do I not Hales? We gotta get gold this year.”

The third round went by with both teams constantly swapping places until you both were tied fifteen to fifteen. You saw the ball flying towards Haley, giving her the perfect opportunity to set you up for a spike.  “HALEY NOW!” 

You watched as her face hardened in determination as she pretended like she was going to spike it by jumping high in the air and stretching her arms back, making the opposing front row players all gather in front of her. Much to their surprise, she launched it towards you as you leaped up and went for the kill. The stinging of the ball hit by your wrist and the smack sound the ball made when it slammed onto the open gym floor was something you’d never forget as the crowd around you went wild over the unexpected play. You could hear the high pitched screaming of Tommy and Tubbo over everybody else. Glancing at them over your shoulder, you saw them jumping up and down on the gym floor and looking at you with awe filled eyes and gaping mouths. The rest of your family looked at you with similar expressions, their cheers echoing in your mind. Winking at them, you turned back to your team and went straight to Haley. Clapping a hand on her shoulder, you pulled her into a quick hug, yelling over the raving of the crowd. “HALEY WE NAILED THAT!” 

“HOLY SHIT I DID NOT THINK THAT WAS ACTUALLY GONNA WORK!”

“You have such little faith in your setter! You wound me Hales.”

“Well, I would have more faith in you if you weren’t chaotic on the court, sweetheart.”

You felt yourself surge in happiness at the nickname, but you couldn’t afford to focus too much on it. Your team only needed one more point to win best in the state and go to nationals. It would be the first time in your team’s history if you reached national level, and you’d be damned if you were the one to screw it up for them. 

The last rotation went on for a while, each team fighting tooth and nail for the state championship title with clashing determination. You tried your best to block every hit and try to set Haley up for a spike, and you were successful for the most part, only missing a few blocks. You saw the setter adjacent to you set the spiker up for a spike and jumped up in time to try to block it, your arms stretched upwards and your palms out. Only, the ball didn’t hit your hands. It collided painfully with your nose, ricocheted off your face with a thwack and sailed over to the other side of the court. Your head whipped back as your body followed suit and flew backwards onto the floor. Without giving you any time to react, your head bounced back and cracked against the polished hardwood floor of the gym. Everything went black. 

“...(y……”

“..(y/n)......”

“(Y/n).”

You faintly heard someone calling someone’s name over the continuous ringing noise. Was it your name? It felt right, so it had to be your name. You peeled your eyes open to see a blurry figure hovering over you. It was swirled with tans, browns, and backs. After a while of the figure repeating your name, it slowly became more recognizable, albeit appearing twice in your vision. It took you a while to figure out who this was before your muddled brain recognized Haley.

“Hales! There’s two o’ya. Twice as beautiful babe…” You slurred out as you attempted to smile at her.

“Oh thank god, PLEASE WE NEED A DOCTOR SHE HIT HER HEAD!” Her usually angelic voice gritted against your brain like sandpaper making you cringe as pain exploded in your head.

“God babe you’re so loud, why’s so bright? I-wha's goin on?” You blearily tried to move your head to look around only to be stopped by a pair of large hands on each side of your head gently holding it in place. You moved your laggy eyes around to look at the figure. He was a blonde man with blue eyes and a hint of stubble on his chin. His eyebrows were knitted together and he looked… he looked… your brain worked to figure out why he looked how he looked. Who was he?

“Please don’t move hun.” His muffled voice was baritone. You squinted at him trying to figure out who this man was.

“Who th f-fuck… why?”

“I’m your dad hun. Do-do you not recognize me?” You made a noise in the back of your throat as your stuffy brain finally put a name to the face.

“Dad- wha’s goin on? I’on feel so good…”

“Shh, I know, I know. Just stop moving and talking. Everything’s fine. I’m here. You’re okay.”

“Mmk… Dad, where are we? I’ont know- you’re so quiet.”

“Stop moving so much. You’re on the floor in a gym. You just won your team the state championship. Now stop talking please.”

Huh. So that’s why everybody seemed to appear from above you. You strained your eyes to look around you, but you could only see your dad’s face hovering above you. “Shit I- who’s aroun’ me? Where’s Hales?”

“I’m right here sweetheart. I got the doctor, Mr. Minecraft.”

Your dad’s face moved away from your vision so fast that it made your head spin and your stomach twist. Another face appeared above you that you once again didn’t recognize.

“I’m Doctor Martin, can you tell me your first and last name?”

“Uh, (y/n) Minecraft?”

“Good, what month are we in right now?”

“Nov-November?”

“Close, it’s late October. Can you tell me who this,” he pointed to your dad, “is?”

“S’my dad Phillip.”

“That’s your dad Philza.”

The questioning stopped as he suddenly shined a blinding light into your sensitive eyes. You hissed as you tried to move your head away from the offending light only to be held in place by your dad’s hands. Your head spun as you moved too quickly and a wave of nausea hit you, making you groan and move your arm to cover your eyes. Your hand was stopped by something warm and soft wrapping around it and holding it tightly. Everything was so overwhelmingly and painfully bright and loud. You wanted to make it stop. 

“Mr. Minecraft, your daughter appears to have a concussion. I don’t have the tools on hand to determine the severity of it, but it’s worrying that her pupils are asymmetrical, she’s delirious, and has slight memory loss. I understand you live about an hour away from here, and it’s alright for you to take her to a hospital closer to your house. Make sure you keep her alert.”

Your delirious mind only registered about half of what came out of the doctor’s mouth. You mumbled gibberish as you once again opened your eyes to look around. You were only briefly able to crane your neck to the left. Several figures large and small were standing behind your dad. Your family, your mind supplemented. Slowly, your mind was starting to recognize your surroundings even if there was currently double of everything and everything was blurry.

“I’m going to help you stand up. Do ya think you can do that?”

“Yeah Dad.” You lifted your upper body off from the ground with a gentle hand on your back helping you sit up. Fighting the wave of nausea that slapped you in the face, you reached up to rub at your eyes. A hand once again stopped you. You peeked your eyelids open and lightly glared at whomever stopped you. “Hales you’re lucky you’re so cute I woulda slapped you. I like holdin but you’re bein annoying. Stop.” You attempted to make your voice sound firm, but the words that came out of your mouth were slightly slurred.

She was silent as she helped her dad haul you to your feet. Once on your feet, you saw the room spin and felt yourself start to sway slightly. An arm wrapped itself around your shoulders and pulled you close to them so that your weight was supported. They were a little taller than you were making it easy to lean on them. 

“...Can you walk?” A deep, monotone voice rumbled the chest of the person you were leaning against. 

“Mhm. ‘M not weak.” Though your limbs felt like they were made of molasses, you placed one foot in front of the other slowly. The person moved alongside you, “you’re doing so good, keep going.” That sparked familiarity in you as you stopped in your tracks and tried to look up at the person you were leaning against making the person tighten their arm around your shoulders when you almost fell over.

“Tech?”

“Yeah, it’s Technoblade. Just focus on walking. You’re almost out of the gym.”

When you realized that you were out of the gym, you sighed in relief. It was so much quieter and darker. Though it was still relatively bright, it was better than the gym. 

“S’better.”

“When we get her to the car we can give her some sunglasses or something if it’s still too bright for her.”

“Wilbs-”

“Focus on walking.”

You huffed in irritation, “don’ tell me what to do bitch.”

You felt Techno’s body jolt slightly as he chuckled, making your head throb at the sudden movement. “Just walk.”

When you walked outside, you shivered as you felt the cool air nip at your exposed skin. Right, you were in your volleyball uniform. “I’ll go pull the car around, you guys stay with her.” 

You saw a tall brunet start to walk away from you. Uncle Splat? Uncle Schmat? Whatever his name was, you were sure he was your uncle. You tried to snuggle closer to Techno, craving warmth but never being satisfied. Where was your uncle? 

After a while, you saw a car moving towards you and blinding light pointed right at you making you cringe away and groan. Techno started to slowly walk towards the car. “C’mon (y/n), you’re almost there. When you’re in the car you can relax.”

“Tommy, Tubbo, and Techno, you’re in the back row. Schlatt can drive and Wil, you’re taking the passenger seat. I’ll stay with her in the middle row so she can have some room to lay down.” Tommy and Tubbo were with you? Why weren’t they talking, they usually were very vocal.

“Tom, Tubbs didja like the game?”

They didn’t say anything as they climbed into the car. Did they not hear you? 

“They’re just… tired (y/n).” Your dad’s voice reassured you as he took Techno’s place holding you up. 

“I wanna nap. ‘M so tired.”

“You can’t sleep yet. We gotta get you to a doctor first.”

“Mm. Makes sense.”

“Let’s get you in the car hun.”

As he helped you climb into the car, you felt an overwhelming wave of nausea wash over you making you lose your balance and almost faceplant into the cloth seats. You felt yourself being gently, yet urgently taken out of the car and led to grass as you felt your esophagus shorten. Something burning made its way up your throat and spewed into the grass. You felt someone rubbing your back as you puked up your dinner. 

When you were done, you reached up with a shaking hand to wipe your mouth. “You feelin better? Think you can get back into the car or do you need to sit down for a bit?”

“Car.”

After some difficulty, you were successfully in the middle row of the car laying down with your head on Philza’s lap. Soon enough, your shoes were taken off and a blanket was draped over you. 

“(Y/n), what do you remember?”

You scrunched up your face as you squinted at Philza’s face. “I remember playing volleyball with Hales. She’s so pretty, she’s straight though. I remember the other team hitting the ball, me jumping, then nothin. Wha’ happened?”

You watched as Philza winced, “well, you got everything right so far. You got hit in the face with the ball so you fell and hit your head on the floor. You were passed out for a minute before you woke up. It was a pretty nasty fall, we’re going to the hospital now. How’re ya feelin?”

“Head hurts, ‘m seein two of everything, an I can’t think.”

“Do you know what a concussion is?” You nodded in his lap slightly, “you probably have one.”

After a while of talking, you were slowly starting to come to your senses and your speech was clearing up, but your head was still too stuffy to think about what you were saying before you said it. You didn’t have a filter.

“Do you wanna tell us about your week so far? Do you remember most of it?”

“Mhm, it was shit. On Monday I had a panic attack and Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were being bitches to me all day. They fucked up my back. On Tuesday, they got mad at me for ditching them and they had me do their homework, had another panic attack, and Haley told me that someone took pictures of our boobs ‘n stuff and they were gonna leak it to the school if Haley didn’t stop hanging out with me. Haley and I almost kissed, but she’s straight. Pulled an all nighter and Wednesday I accidentally came out to Tech and Wil and had another panic attack. Annie, Adrian, and Sammy took more pictures of me through my window, Annie outed me to the entire school and slapped me. Another panic attack, skipped the last two classes and felt like shit the entire practice. Today Adrian and Sammy told me to kill myself and I had another panic attack. ’S about it.”

As you were going through your week, the hand that was previously gently stroking your hair had frozen as the car was enveloped in a tense silence. Luckily, Tommy and Tubbo were passed out in the back seat so they didn’t hear how bad your week was. Everyone awake knew that you had a few bad days this week, but they didn’t know the full extent of it. You watched as Philza’s expression had turned downright murderous, but you didn’t really care. You were busy talking about your week.

For the rest of the car ride, Philza asked you simple questions like what your favorite color was, your favorite animal, basically your favorite everything. Eventually, the car pulled into the hospital parking lot and Philza helped you get out of the car. “Schlatt, can you take the boys home so they can get some rest? I’ll stay with her.” 

“Yeah, I’m on it. Don’t cause too much trouble (y/n), we all know you can raise hell.” He watched you for a reaction, but when you didn’t react, he coughed. “Well, I’ll see ya later kid. Good luck.”

The car drove off leaving you and Philza at the front of the emergency room building. “It’s gonna be a long night (y/n).”

“I gotta finish Annie’s essay and Sammy’s presentation though.”

“No you don’t, I’ll email your teachers.”

You two checked in with the front desk before moving to sit on the uncomfortable chairs. It was going to be a long night. You were so tired.

General taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@jabby16

Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

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[twilghtkoo]

CONVENIENCE STORE LOVE — LDH

★ PAIRINGS. coworker!haechan x coworker!reader (f) + bestfriend!mark

★ GENRE. drabble series, fluff, crack??, lil angst, jealousy, non-idol! AU, s2l, f2l

★ WARNINGS. language, reader struggles with social anxiety and mental health, reader almost experiences a panic attack, theres some assholes that try to mess with y/n

★ SYNOPSIS. with college draining your wallet and your mental health, you needed to find a job. luckily for you, your friend, mark, recommends you a job at a convenience store, that is just so conveniently located at the corner of your street. mark didn’t mention a cute, chocolate haired boy working there though!

★ NOTE. bare with me i’m rly trying to make this story interesting and realistic for u guys >< feedback is always welcome and i hope u guys enjoy this, FINALLY HAECHAN X Y/N MOMENTS HAPPENING

click the underlined to become part of the taglist!

you were leaning against the brick building, that was the convenience store. you weren’t the best at pep talks, but here you were trying to give yourself one on a sidewalk under a street lamp. 

“if you don’t get your ass in there y/n, mark’s friend is gonna tell him and mark is gonna come after you and give you hell.” jesus, what am i doing?

“y/n?” you jumped, looking up at the source of the voice that almost gave you a heart attack.

haechan.

he waves to you, the corners of his eyes crinkle, indicating he was smiling under his mask. “you don’t look too good, you ok?” you simply nod.

“let me show you around?” he steps aside with his arm out, you stood there for a minute looking stupid, like you were hesitating. but really your legs felt like jelly. 

“and lastly, this is your key card, this is what you’ll use to clock in. you clock in when you come in for your shift, then clock out before you leave.” you nod, taking all the information in.

he smirks, chuckling. “you’re pretty quiet.”

“what do you want me to do? rap?” you nonchalantly reply, you get asked this pretty often, it gets annoying.

he laughs at your comment, “just saying, you’re pretty quiet to be mark’s best friend. i don’t mean to offend you by the way.” he puts his hands up in surrender. 

you slowly nod, “yeah, i hear that a lot.” unconsciously, wrapping your arms around yourself. “anyways, can i get started or you got more to show me?”

he stares at you for a minute, he’s pretty taller than you, the way the mask only shows his eyes sort of intimidates you. it’s like you’re an ant and he’s a human. he could squash you any minute.

he blinks, “nope, go ahead and restock the shelves.” he pats your head, before wandering off to the other side of the store. most likely to the register.

you take a deep breath, silently walking over to the boxes of cold foods that came in today, says haechan. you take out the box cutter from your vest pocket, cutting the box open to reveal the frozen foods. you take a few items and place them in the correct spots inside the freezers. 

you liked this job. unboxing food and putting them away. you wished you could just do that.

it was like this for an hour, people coming in and out. not paying you any mind or asking you questions. only making conversation with haechan who was at the register. it was quiet though, besides kpop music playing through the speakers in the store. 

“haechan-ah!” the door rings once again, multiple foot steps echoed.

you peaked your head out the aisle, seeing a group of people. four girls and three guys to be exact. they looked like they came back from night school, their uniforms still on, along with their bags. 

“what’s up guys?” you go back to your work, you had one last box to go through and you’ll be done til haechan tells you what else there is to do.

you take the box with you to the ramen aisle, it was closer to the front of the store. the groups voices and noises more audible and noisy. you cringe at all the giggling from the girls. 

“you coming to the after party haechan?” 

“probably, if i’m not working.” you hear a bunch of ‘aw’s’ and ‘boo’s’. 

“you’re always working dude.” 

he scoffs, “how am i supposed to pay off college then? i don’t have rich daddies like you guys.” 

true. that’s why you’re here as well.

when you finish with the ramen, you break up the box and set it next to the other piles. 

“piece of cake.” you pat your back, dusting off your hands before you push back a strand of hair behind your ear. ignoring your stomach growling, you shyly (with a straight face) walk past haechan and his group of friends. you wonder if mark is friend’s with them too.

you pull out a chair that’s at the front, sighing out of relief. glad to be sitting after standing and bending over for an hour and a half.

“i’ve never seen her before.” you hear one of his friend’s mention. you ignore them as you take out your phone to text mark and tell him you’re surviving. 

“yeah she just started working here, she’s also mark’s friend.” haechan answers.

one of the girls gasp, “interesting.” 

not paying attention to what they’re saying, to engrossed in the memes mark is sending you as you giggle to yourself. mark tell’s you his roommate just got home so you both bid your goodbye’s with a pic of yourselves throwing up a peace sign. you lock your phone and shove it back in the pocket of your vest. you lean back into the chair and just stare out the window. watching people walk down the sidewalk and cars slowly drive by. 

right now you would be in front of your laptop watching some creepypasta youtube videos. mark makes fun of you for watching that stuff, mostly because he himself is a pussy when it comes to anything scary. you’re the complete opposite. you like the thrill and the goosebumps.

your peaceful break was interrupted when you noticed the store was pretty quiet and you don’t remember hearing the group leave. you turn to look at the front, but you were already met with a few pair of eyes staring at you then back at haechan, whispering and giggling. 

one, they could just be looking at you because they felt you turn around and they’re talking about an inside joke between them. or two, they’re talking about you and laughing. you would like to go with option one but option two is weighing on you. 

you instinctively bite your lip and tighten your fists. you slid off your chair, before walking back to the back, hidden behind shelves and away from seven pairs of eyes. 

“where you going y/n?” you freeze in your spot. 

“just to the back.” you mumbled. haechan nods, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. before you could go hide one of them spoke up. 

“can you speak up? i couldn’t hear you.” one of the guys say.

you roll your eyes, “wasn’t meant for you to hear anyways.” you dismiss yourself. you don’t know, but haechan watches you disappear behind the shelves, knowing you went to go sit in the back. 

“bitch..” the guy scoffs, shaking his head as he leans with his elbows against the counter. 

“dude, chill the fuck out, go home.” haechan tells jaemin. 

jaemin shrugs, “whatever.” he leaves first, the rest of his friends bid him goodnight as they leave the store to go after him.

taglist!

@h1acynth​ @theskzvibe @thejungjaehyun @scftgyu @jeon-jungkook-is-actually-god @haechanswaifu @reflectios-of-me @neoteez01 @multihoe1 @jaemshyuck @keatrbl @yjwfav @silverdoragon @imgettinlocoloco @blossom-rea @tyongf-sunflower99 @severefireangelprune @plushjeno @stopitvpls @hyuckssimpclub @flower-lise @oc-helps @woowsosexyy @ryu-naa @johndislife @strawbaeri-s @kimsubin05 @seungjiseyo @m1ss-foodi3 @hyuckishere @rrenhyuck @thesunsfullmoon

[fandom-puff]

Manhunt

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Requested by: anon ‘Hey, I saw that your requests are open. Can I request a Tommy Shelby fic where y/n gets kidnapped, please? Maybe Tommy’s getting extremely angry and worried and only calms down when he gets her back. Of course it’s up to you. Female reader if possible. Thank you so much :)’

Warnings: kidnapping, violence, swearing, injury (result of knife, beatings)

Bold italics = flashback

Gif creds to owner

“Where the fuck’ve you been?” Polly demanded from her desk, arms folded and lips pursed as Tommy stumbled through the door.

“Ah, let him be, Pol,” Arthur grinned, clapping him on the back. “Reckon his head’s still on his honeymoon. Been stuck in bed with the missus all morning, eh, brother?”

Tommy smirked boyishly. “No. Fuckin’ car broke down. Anyway, YN left ours hours ago, said she was seeing Ada before she buggers back off to London,”

At that moment, Ada walked through the door, holding one of John and Esme’s kids on her hip, bouncing him gently. “I haven’t seen YN today, Tom. Didn’t show up to our reservation in that nice cafe. Haven’t heard from her, so I just thought she was with you,”

Tommy frowned deeply. “But... she left at half eight to catch the bus. I told her I’d give her a lift but she said she needed to run a few errands before she met up with you,” he checked his pocket watch quickly. “It’s gone noon. Are you lot sure you haven’t heard from or seen her?”

“Tom, it’s fine, she’s probably just caught up in the shops or something,” John said, lighting a cigarette.

“No. It’s not fucking fine, Johnboy. She left at half eight this morning, stood Ada up in her favourite cafe- and she’s been going on about it for weeks- and no one has seen hide nor hair of her for hours. Something’s wrong,”

Jaw set harshly, Tommy strode out of the betting shop, closely followed by his brothers. “Oi! Finn. Run and tell Sergeant Moss that I said to have a search party out. Tell him YN’s missing. Then on your way back, go to Charlie’s yard and tell him to keep an eye on the canals for her, alright. Good lad,” Finn nodded and began to run as fast as his legs would carry him.

“What about us, Tommy?” Arthur said. “Tell us what to do,”

***

Slowly, your eyes opened, though you still couldn’t see anything- a length of fabric covered your eyes, blocking out all light. Every inch of your body ached, and you became vaguely aware of the stinging sensation at your wrists- they were bound behind your back, the tightly knitted rope rubbing your skin raw. Judging by the slight jostling movement of your body and the hum of an engine below you, you were in a vehicle, being driven god knows where.

Deciding to keep quiet, you took some deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself, trying your hardest to recall the previous hours...

***

“I’ll see you later, Tom,” you smiled, giving your grinning husband a final kiss goodbye before setting off to the bus stop. Tommy had offered you a lift, but you declined, saying something about errands and scenery. It was an alright day, by British standards, the sun trying its hardest to peak through the thin clouds.

You were halfway to the bus stop when you felt a presence behind you. Hurrying your steps a little more, knowing the old gentleman from the village would likely be at the stop for his weekly shop, if you could just get around this bend, you dared a look behind you, before colliding head on with something- or rather someone.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” you said, making to step around him, but his arms shot out, grasping onto you while the man behind you yanked a fistful of your hair, tugging your head backwards.

“Don’t you worry, Shelby,” he said, a slight accent lacing his low voice. “You will be,”

You tried to stamp your heels down on the attackers’ shins, you made to bite the hands closest to your face, to wriggle as much as you could. As you began to scream, a damp cloth was held over your nose and mouth, making your eyes roll back and your body slacken, allowing the two men to drag you to their vehicle, hidden by the shrubbery and blossoming trees and the loud caws of the birds.

***

Tommy was in full panic mode. He had Peaky Blinders scouring the whole of Birmingham, Sergeant Moss had managed to telephone the London police and have a telegram sent to every constabulary in the country to keep an eye out. Johnny Doggs had the Lee boys out, and Charlie was stopping every boat the passed through the cut.

Tommy kicked the table in the betting shop, sending papers and coins flying. “Where the fuck is she?” He roared, eyes flashing with some anger, but mostly fear.

“We’re doing everything we can, Thomas,” Polly said firmly, patting her nephews back and pushing a cup of tea into his hands. “It’s well sugared. You need the energy,”

“It’s not fucking enough!” He yelled, taking one sip of the tea before slamming the cup down, sloshing the table. “She could be anywhere and we’re sat here like idiots!”

Polly sighed, retreating to man the phone, waiting for someone, anyone to phone with knowledge of your whereabouts.

“It’ll be alright, brother,” John said. “Esme’s down with the Lees making sure none of them are sat twiddling their thumbs. Moss has every copper in Birmingham on the case. Even the London coppers are looking for a Shelby, and their almost all under Solomons and Sabini,”

Tommy was quiet for a moment before he looked between his brothers. “Solomons and Sabini...” he said slowly, processing the information before his face hardened.

“Solomons is a mad bastard,” Arthur said quietly.

“Right. Car, now. We’re going to London,”

***

The blind fold was removed, but you still couldn’t see much. One of your eyes was swollen shut, and the room you were in was plunged in almost complete darkness. Your hands were still tied, only now they (along with your ankles) were bound to a chair. You tried to shuffle the chair along, but it made a loud grating scraping noise, and caused a blinding pain to shoot through your nerves. Something was definitely broken.

“Shelby,”

The voices echoed around the room as you heard the men draw closer, their footsteps rapping sharply against the concrete ground. You strained your good eye, trying to make out their faces, but you could only make out vague face shapes, plunged in shadows.

“I told you, I don’t have any information!” You said urgently, preparing yourself for another punch or kick.

It didn’t come. Instead you felt the cold edge of a thin blade pressing against your swollen cheek. He dragged the blade slowly and you hissed as your cheek bloomed with stinging pain, feeling your hot blood trickle down your face and neck.

“We don’t want information,” the other man said lowly as you felt the tip of the knife press against your neck briefly. You held your breath, preparing for the worst, before the blade dropped. You let out a shaky breath of relief, which quickly turned into a groan of pain as a thick finger dragged along the fresh wound. “We don’t need one of Shelby’s whores for information,” you shut your eyes tightly, willing your tears not to fall. “We want to destroy Tommy Shelby,”

***

“Thomas! Thomas! Stop the fucking car now!”

The car squealed to a halt and Tommy almost tripped over his own feet in his haste. “This had better be good, Pol,” he growled, grabbing hold of the phone. “Speaking,”

“That you, Tommy?”

Tommy gritted his teeth. “Aye, Solomons. Make it quick. I’ve no time for business now,”

“Yeah, I know, right. Right fuckin’ fuss you’ve kicked up, yeah. Looking for that wife of yours, I heard. Well, Tommy, my coppers have been out and about , right, searchin’ high and fuckin’ low. Found nothin’ right,”

“Alfie,” tommy hissed. “I’m on my way down to London, now. If you’ve got no information, I don’t wanna hear any of your fuckin’ stories, alright?”

“Oi, you watch your tone, Tommy. I’m getting there. See now, Ollie’s missus’s got a friend whose friend is the wife of a fuckin’ wop, right. She says, right, that your wife, YN, had been on Sabini’s fuckin’ hit list from the very start. He’s got his coppers trying to dismiss this ever so mysterious disappearance, right. But my coppers, yeah, Tommy, you followin’?”

“I’m following,” tommy said through gritted teeth.

“Right, well my coppers have received a tip off from one of Sabini’s coppers that there’s some funny business going on in the old abandoned warehouse, you know the one, the one up in Cheltenham, what the anarchists set fire to,”

“You sure, Alfie?”

“Course I’m fuckin’ sure. Off you go, Tommy,”

***

How long you had been on the floor for, you had no idea. Your arms and legs were no longer bound- not that it made any difference. You couldn’t move without a fresh round of pain turning your stomach. Tears mixed with blood on your cheeks; you could barely keep your eyes open; you lay next to a pool of your own vomit due to the pain; your clothes were soaking with your own blood and urine; you were ready to die.

***

Gunshots. Three of them.

Three voices shouting, although you couldn’t distinguish what they were saying.

The door swung open, flooding the room with light. You made to lift your head up off the floor, but sobbed in agony.

“Fuckin’ hell!”

“YN, it’s alright, I’m here! They’re gone, I’ve got you,”

You felt the familiar warm hands on your body, the strong arms lifting you, the distinct smell. But you couldn’t open your eyes- you were simply too tired.

“Tommy...” you breathed, one hand bunched up in his coat.

“Shhh, I’m here, I’ve got you. I’ve got you. We’re gonna get you help, okay, my love. Don’t you worry one bit, okay?”

You nodded, trusting your eyes to shut, knowing that this time, tommy would be there to shake you awake, preventing you from giving into the darkness.

[enhalovebot]

april fool pranks with enhypen .•ᰔᩚ

➸ enhypen x reader (gender neutral)

➸ fluff!!

➸ ˚ ༘⊹ ° . [🧸]  ⋆｡˚ and ˗ˏ ➶ [☁️]. ✧ ˚

⤷ these boys love to mess with you on the regular. but what happens if it’s april fools day?

heeseung

it was early in the morning when you woke up.

the room was ice cold, and you noticed that the space next to you was empty. so you assumed your lovely boyfriend was up and preparing breakfast.

“hee? can you please prepare me a toasty shower?”

“sure thing, bubs!” he shouted from outside the door.

while heeseung is preparing your bath, you proceeded to prepare your work for the day. spring break completely slipped from your mind as you turned on your laptop.

unbeknownst to you tho, heeseung had a different plan. he already knew you had no classes, which he took advantage of to execute his plan.

one that is perfect for april fool's day.

as we all know, our boy is very fond of dad jokes. so he decided to pull a prank on you, instead of just reminding you that you have no classes.

oh, he will prepare you a toasty shower alright.

it was only a few minutes later when heeseung tells you your shower is ready.

“y/n, it’s ready!”

you rushed to the bathroom with your towel in hand to see literal toasts littered all over the bathroom.

this sent you into panic mode because there is no way you will make it to your class on time.

“i want to be mad at you, but i don’t have the time right now. so please just help me clean this up.”

heeseung leaned on the doorway with a stupid smile on his face as he watches you scramble about.

“HEE?! DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME?!” you yelled when you noticed him just standing there.

he laughs harder, crouching down on his knees. “y/n, you don’t have any classes today. it’s your spring break remember?”

this made you freeze in place. with a look of disbelief, you dropped your towel in shock.

and you guessed that the look you had on your face was absolutely priceless when heeseung laughs even harder.

let’s just say his plan was a success.

jay

definitely the type to cook for you, especially when you’re stressed or whenever you’re feeling hungry for something.

you were sitting at the back of the bus when he called asking you what you want for dinner.

“what do you want for dinner?” he asked.

“fish sounds good right now.” you expected him to hang up and leave to the kitchen to work his magic, but jay didn’t say anything.

“just fish?” he deadpanned.

you stared at your phone in confusion, eyebrows raised. “yes??”

jay huffs and crosses his arms (but you don’t know that), clearly offended. “i expected you to ask for something fancy. clearly my cooking skills just limited to fish.”

“baby, wha-”

“fish it is then. hurry back home, i’ll have a surprise waiting for you.” then he hang up.

once you got home, you immediately rushed to the kitchen to see how dinner was going.

but jay quickly blocked you from entering the kitchen.

“nope, dinner is not done yet. why don’t you relax first. i have everything under control.”

“uhmm okayy??”

you let him push you into your shared room so that you could relax.

it wasn’t long before jay excitedly told you dinner was ready.

“finally, i’m so hungry.”

“close your eyes, this is the surprise.” jay pulls you into the dining room and guides you to the table.

when he finally uncoveresd your eyes, you were faced with a gummy fish with ketchup on the side.

with a huff, you turn to jay with a smile, picking up the spoon while at it.

jay gulped at this.

“jay?”

“hmm?”

“run.”

with that, jay runs away from you and prepares for the worst.

jake

“babe, hear me out. what about we get another dog?” jake pouts.

you sigh, “i’m sorry jakey, but we don’t have the time.”

ever since you met layla, jake kept asking you for another dog. saying that layla needs a friend.

but you always rejected this because both of you were very busy individuals. so getting another dog would be a hassle.

besides, layla is enough 🥺

jake decides it’s hopeless arguing about this with you.

so he decided to mess with you.

he finds a picture of a coyote on the internet, and inserts it in photoshop to make it more believable.

he sends it to you while you were out with your friends, so you clearly did not see this one coming.

when you opened his message, you eyes nearly popped out of its sockets.

‘y/n look! i saw this dog on the street so i bought it home.’ then he sends a picture of the coyote in your living room.

‘i also bought its friend.’ another picture of a coyote outside your house.

you nearly have a panic attack when you got home.

“WHERE IS IT?!” you yelled, searching through the house, looking for the coyote.

jake chuckles and holds up his phone.

“happy april fools, love.”

sunghoon

for the past month you’ve been saying you were on a diet.

and guess what.

sunghoon is done with it.

because you weren’t really dieting at this point.

“hoon, can you buy doughnuts for me. i’m craving for some sweets.”

he turns to you, “but aren’t you on a diet?”

this caught you off guard.

you say nothing.

sunghoon also says nothing.

he was just mainly waiting for you to admit that you are not on a diet anymore.

“it’s my cheat day today.” of course, that was the only excuse you could come up with.

sunghoon groans at your cuteness.

“fineeee.” he drags out the word. sunghoon slides out of his seat, grabbing his wallet to buy your doughnuts.

he comes back into the living room with a box of doughnuts.

but what made you confused was that he was holding a fork.

“you’re eating with a fork?”

“no, you are.”

you ignore his comment, hands gripping on the box.

sunghoon smiles at your eagerness.

but your smile turns into a frown when you finally got to see what’s inside the box.

you asked for doughnuts.

he got you a salad instead.

“now, here is your fork.” sunghoon hands you the fork.

“bu-”

“no buts. now, eat your greens.” he pecks your cheek.

sunoo

this boy LOVES doing you hair.

he comes up with so many hairstyles that you can’t even count them.

so on a particular day, he comes up to you asking if he could do your hair.

since he does this almost everyday, you let him do his thing.

“i have this crazy idea for your hair today.” he practically drags you to your seat on the sofa.

sunoo goes quiet when his hands carded through your hair. his touch was feather-like, which makes you a bit sleepy.

and eventually, you fall asleep.

he leans into your ear, “i love you, and i‘m so sorry for what i’m about to do.”

sunoo notices this, making him slightly guilty about what he’s going to do next.

then his evil plan came into play.

when he’s finally done with your hair, sunoo gently shakes you awake.

“hmm? what? you’re done already?”

sunoo almost cracks from laughter when you got up from your position on the sofa.

“how do i look?” you pointed at you hair, unaware of the disaster on top of your head.

“cute, you look cute.” sunoo chuckles at the end of his sentence.

you grew suspicious at this, so you dash to the closest mirror you could find.

your jaw dropped open in shock at the sight of your hair.

this

boy

made

you

into

an

oompa loompa

“MY HAIR!!”

“YOU’RE AN ADORABLE OOMPA LOOMPA THO!”

jungwon

“so, we‘ve been together for a while now, right?”

jungwon turns his head down to look at you.

“yeah, been the happiest i’ve ever been.” you say without thinking.

jungwon stops from combing his hand in your hair. he drops his hand on your head. “i really care for you, y/n.”

okay, you both said ‘i love you’ without actually saying ‘i love you.’

you both fall asleep tangled under the sheets.

let’s just say, jungwon has a gift for you the next day.

you woke up to birds chirping and the smell of breakfast. you mindlessly felt around the space next to you, searching for jungwon’s warmth.

but his side was empty.

so you got up with no choice, but to look for him.

and there he was. he was standing in front of the counter with a black box in his hands.

jungwon smiles at you, and slides the box to you.

“what’s in the box, won?” you asked him.

“why don’t you find out.” he says, exiting the kitchen.

once he was out of the kitchen, jungwon hid behind the wall, hidden in plain sight.

he watches you open the box in confusion. he observes the way your lips lift into a smile.

you open the box to a ring.

you try picking up the ring from the box, but it was too heavy.

so you pulled harder to find that it wasn’t a ring at all.

it was a mug.

“so, did you like it?” jungwon stands next to you with a teasing grin on his face.

“i expected a ring, but this is so much better. now i can drink my hot chocolate from this.” you raise the mug.

jungwon laughs at your response, but it was only for a second. “i’ll get you a ring some day. but for now, enjoy your hot chocolate.”

ni-ki

you recently purchased a mirror online, but you didn’t know where you could hang it.

and you kinda needed some help with the hanging the mirror part.

so you ask your boyfriend ni-ki to help you set the mirror in place.

and being the obedient boyfriend that he is, ni-ki agreed to help you.

ni-ki already knows where he’ll place the mirror.

he waited for you to leave first before he did anything.

so when the day finally came, and you said that you’ll be running an errand, he knew he had to take this chance.

oh and would you look at that.

it's april fools day.

how perfect.

ni-ki stands up when he hears the door close shut.

he runs to the mirror and walks with it around the house.

he stops at a blank wall, it was perfect.

so, he hangs it up.

but not exactly what you’re expecting.

the boy hangs it to a height where you won’t be able to use the mirror.

he made sure the mirror was higher than the tip of your head.

ni-ki nearly topples in laughter as he imagines the look on your face when you come back home.

and he was right.

your reaction was the best.

“NI-KI, I CAN’T SEE A THING.”

“what, i’m sorry. talk to me when you get taller, that’s said with love.”

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